[nikkerz1008]

I have this problem. My fiance and I have been talking about a baby lately. I really want one but he's still unsure. He has no problem with it once he gets a 4 door vehicle. We've been together a little over a year now and throughout that year we have made a lot of love.. a lot of unprotected.. I have never gotten pregnant though. I wanted ot har others suggestions before we went to the doctor to get ourselves checked out though. Does anybody have any suggestions? Anything for us to try to have a baby .. like positions that help or anything like that?

[rcoreyus]

I'm afraid I find this post a bit worrisome. The issues with having a baby go FAR beyone finding space in a car. It is a complete and permanent change in you lives. Please don't have a child if one of the parents is unsure. If you want to see what it is like, take in a foster child for a year.

[metalbudderfly]

rcoreyus is right you know it is a huge life altering change that is completly permanent. i have 3 children now. i had my first at 19 and my life ended as i knew it. it is beyond having a suitable car.

[LadyLane]

Yeah, I don't want to upset you but I feel that once he gets that car, it could be something else that he wants to get or do first. Are you planning to get married first, or do you plan on having the baby before you're married?

The Johnson and Johnson ads that say, "Having a baby changes everything" are not lying.

Your life will never, ever be the same. It is a ton of responsibility. Most of the things that you do that are spontaneous, you won't be able to do without planning. And I think its best if you both want a baby very badly. Meaning neither of you is flip-flopping. If that sounds heavy, I'm sorry, but its true. I still wouldn't trade it for the world.

We waited three years after we were married, and then I was ready, but he wasn't. Five months later he was ready and sure, and I never pressured him, because it is too huge to push someone into. You want your man to be by your side for the whole thing, not a man who will turn around when it gets tough and say, "Well, you wanted this, you deal with it."

[nikkerz1008]

He seems to be ready for it. I mean he wants to get prepared before it happens. We do need a bigger vehicle since babies come with a lot of luggage. I myself have thought about the responsibilites that come along with having a child and im ready for it. I'm not pressuring him to want one or anything. We just talked about it. We aren't trying for one just this minute or anything but someday in the future. We are engaged and want to get married before it happens.

[rcoreyus]

See if you can spend some time taking care of someone else's children for a few days or more. If not a formal foster parent program, maybe you have friends who would like a break from child care.

I'm pushing this because my wife really wanted a child, and couldn't have one. After 6 months of foster care, she realized what a terrible mistake it would have been - and was so glad that we were not stuck with children for the rest of our lives.

[LadyLane]

Oh, someday in the future, of course! When you're both on the same page its a very exciting time. In your first post you said you were unsure, unmarried, and hadn't been using protection for a year. That to me spelled a baby before a marriage that maybe the father wasn't ready for.

rcoreyus - I'm sorry that it didn't work out for you and your wife as far as her not being able to have a baby. I don't think that fostering is necessarily the answer to decide if you want a baby or not. I struggle with this now, as my we can't have any more children. I think I would like to adopt; but would I truly have the love and patience for a child that was biologically not mine and my husband's? I am not 100% sure. Maybe that's the reason fostering did not work out for you; perhaps for some it is harder to really attach to a child that really isn't "yours."

[rcoreyus]

rcoreyus - I'm sorry that it didn't work out for you and your wife as far as her not being able to have a baby. I don't think that fostering is necessarily the answer to decide if you want a baby or not. I struggle with this now, as my we can't have any more children. I think I would like to adopt; but would I truly have the love and patience for a child that was biologically not mine and my husband's? I am not 100% sure. Maybe that's the reason fostering did not work out for you; perhaps for some it is harder to really attach to a child that really isn't "yours."

I had no problem attaching to the foster child. She was a wonderful little girl, and everything I could have wanted. Even though it was temporary, she felt like mine. But - the change in our lives was much larger than my wife had expected - even with all of the warnings. It replaced our old life with a new different life. Problem was that she really liked the old life. I had not really wanted a child anyway and had been rather coerced into this - one of the reasons I'm so touchy about couples thinking of having children.

I'm very very glad we tried foster parenting. We did some good - provided the best home we possibly could for a little girl - but I am so glad it is over.

I have several friends with fairly recent children. Some of course are very happy, but I know of 2 couples that I think are not - feel they made a mistake - that can never be fixed. They will do everything they can for their children, but....

Please please, people having a child is a far large committment than getting married, buying a house or car, choosing a college. It can be a wonderful thing, but don't make the decision lightly.