[Hubble]

Ok .. where to start?

I am 33 and my wife is 47.
We've been together for 14 years so she was 33 when we first met, the age I am now. She'd already had 2 children and was still insatiable. Our sexual appettites seemed perfectly matched for several years with great variety and sizzle. We were always very loving and close
We've now got a our own boy of 6 yrs and we both work.
We have sex maybe once a month, but it sometimes seems she is just fufilling an obligation. I still make her orgasm every time we do make love (albeit with my fingers) and occasionally we get out the sex toys and have a mind blowing session.
The problem is she seems satisfied with the regularity and variety of our current sex-life whilst I feel as horny as when I was 19 years of age.

Another major dissatisfaction is our lack of love-life. We still love each other dearly, if not intensely and whilst I make mention of the lack of time we spend with each other, she never does.
I try to discuss our lack of intimacy (don't just read 'sex') but my wife takes it as critisism and turns it into an arguement regardless of how delicately I approach the subject. If I make a romantic suprise for her she feels as though it must lead to sex and that is my only objective.

I know she feels guilt for her lack of desire yet anger for my lack of understanding that all women lose desire with age. I feel that this needn't be the case. As do alot of women she is unhappy with her body, regardless of the praise I genuinely give her (she's gorgeous).

The problem it seems ... is me. I'm unwilling to accept that things are the way they are and thats just how it is. I just make it things worse by bringing it up and I should just shut up and be happy with what I've got.



I recently brought up the subject of female libido enhancing tablets that are available. My wife said she would consider their use, but not just now. However, I have my doubts about the effectivness of such tablets or which to try out of the hundreds of brands out there.



If anyone has any advice or experience with female libido enhancing tablets, or any advice on how to improve our situation?

[sourpuss]

It think it would be good for you two to see a counselor. You would be able to tell her how you feel without her misreading what you are saying. And maybe you can get to the bottom of all of this.

I know for myself, my libido goes down if I'm tired, over worked, stressed out, not feeling pretty. Anything little thing can shut it down for me.

Can you make a 'date night' for the two of you every other weekend? Just spend time together, the two of you. Make her feel pretty and wanted and all that stuff.

[C]

I read your post three times. This "myth" that women have that they lose their sexuality with age is a killer. They believe it. It has been written and they fear it. So as they approach these wonderful years ahead, they begin to change. They do not know they are changing, but they change because it is written that they will change. To compound this problem and magnify it tenfold, she is married to a younger man and lives with this new fear of aging. So we have approaching menopause, a lack of sexual desire, which she is bringing on herself, and the fear of aging and possibly losing you. It is our inner self that makes these problems and her inner self that must fight through them.

I understand where she may feel hostile as aging for a woman is a terrible thing. You have got to be able to leave a special part of you behind yet doing this after this new "change in life" you will find just a wonderful new sexual person on the other side of this gentle walk in time. I, too, am an insatiable woman, but I had to give myself permission to be this again after I had passed through menopause. Now I look and accept myself as one hot babe again and love my sexual self for who and what I am.

I know of women that have taken one-half of a Viagra tablet to help them sexually. They say it works. I also know that there is a new drug coming out to help women who need this help finding the want of a man that they used to have and have sexually lost. You are the best pill and medicine that she will ever find. Treasure her. Build her up as you are doing and tell her how beautiful she is. It is a time of fear for many women and with a stud of a husband and so much younger, it must be rough.

As far as her worries about aging tell her that her sexual life has only just begun. Where I am and who I am sexually is a sin. I have past all these years that she will be facing ahead and I write of our deep, passion filled, erotic, dirty sexual love on my own site. She may be interested in reading how "older age" really is.....It is hot....She must think of her future this way and not that she is getting older and losing it. She must find her way back to where she was and hopefully reading the words of a woman my age that lives in this sexual passion and lust and accepts it, may help.....Oh, and we will be married 50 years this year.

Please understand, I expose my inner self to you in hopes of helping you in the long run. I am older than dirt so in my eye's, she could be my daughter. This is the way I treat each and every woman I write to....

Much luck and love.....Caroline

I meant to add that she should probably go to the doctor to see if she needs some hormone enhancing drug. I, myself, would not mess around with something over the counter but rather have expert advice on this. Women start into menopause at different age's and she may have started down this road earlier with having the baby. Her passion is still there but her self doubt is winning out. She must fight her way back to where she was. It can be a real mind game.......

[Rose5]

desire?

I have been reading posts for the past couple of weeks looking for insites into the ever elusive female orgasm but that will be for another post. Desire and mood seem to be recurring themes. I don't know if this will help but I was in a similar situation. I've been married for 24 years, we have three kids and I'm 45. For many years I wanted nothing to do with my husband. Once a month was about our average and it was mostly pity sex. I must emphasize, it had NOTHING to do with me not wanting sex. It had everything to do with our relationship outside the bedroom. It would be too long to get into the details of it but basicly I felt alone and I felt he rejected the children and so this traveled into the bedroom. I have always had plenty of desire and I want sex more often than my husband but for about 10 years this was totally repressed. It's hard to believe but it's true. I tried to talk to him but he's not the talkative type. Well one day I decided that my bringing my emotions into the bedroom hadn't done anything for me and he wasn't going to change. The important question is what caused this turning point. I wish I knew because it might help you but I really have not been able to put my finger on it (no pun intended).
Since your wife had similar desires to you I would venture to say she still has them but they are being pushed aside by stress or something she perceives in your relationship(real or imagined). Children can be killers of desire if you let them, maybe work is not going well. Unfortunately sice she doesn't want to talk it would be hard for you to figure it out.
Sometimes men don't realize that women need to be connected to feel in the mood. I used to tell my husband all the time that he shouldn't touch me just when he wants sex. 24 years and he still hasn't learned. When you are in a situation that you cannot have sex this is the time to approach her. Let her know that you want her and there is no danger of being rejected. Try this for a couple of days in the bedroom and outside but without actually having sex with her (need a lot of self control) and see what happens.
Don't give up because where there is a will there is a way. My personal opinion about medication is, don't go near it. The power of the mind goes far beyond what any medication can do. I'm sorry this got so long but it is a complex issue but most of all I hope it works out for you.

[C]

I have been reading posts for the past couple of weeks looking for insites into the ever elusive female orgasm but that will be for another post. Desire and mood seem to be recurring themes. I don't know if this will help but I was in a similar situation. I've been married for 24 years, we have three kids and I'm 45. For many years I wanted nothing to do with my husband. Once a month was about our average and it was mostly pity sex. I must emphasize, it had NOTHING to do with me not wanting sex. It had everything to do with our relationship outside the bedroom. It would be too long to get into the details of it but basicly I felt alone and I felt he rejected the children and so this traveled into the bedroom. I have always had plenty of desire and I want sex more often than my husband but for about 10 years this was totally repressed. It's hard to believe but it's true. I tried to talk to him but he's not the talkative type. Well one day I decided that my bringing my emotions into the bedroom hadn't done anything for me and he wasn't going to change. The important question is what caused this turning point. I wish I knew because it might help you but I really have not been able to put my finger on it (no pun intended).
Since your wife had similar desires to you I would venture to say she still has them but they are being pushed aside by stress or something she perceives in your relationship(real or imagined). Children can be killers of desire if you let them, maybe work is not going well. Unfortunately sice she doesn't want to talk it would be hard for you to figure it out.
Sometimes men don't realize that women need to be connected to feel in the mood. I used to tell my husband all the time that he shouldn't touch me just when he wants sex. 24 years and he still hasn't learned. When you are in a situation that you cannot have sex this is the time to approach her. Let her know that you want her and there is no danger of being rejected. Try this for a couple of days in the bedroom and outside but without actually having sex with her (need a lot of self control) and see what happens.
Don't give up because where there is a will there is a way. My personal opinion about medication is, don't go near it. The power of the mind goes far beyond what any medication can do. I'm sorry this got so long but it is a complex issue but most of all I hope it works out for you.

I believe a woman stops wanting sex for many reasons. Far too many to go into here. The stress of the child could be a factor. Her whole body changed and with it her mind may have changed too. She was no longer the hot lover. She was now the Mother Madonna and dare she be these two people.

My husband and I have always connected. We talk. I love playing the sexual teasing game and any woman should do this with a man. Let him know this ahead of time or else it is blind man's bluff. And we must give when we do not want to give. That is the fairness of life.

A woman must be kept sexually alive. That is for all women to do. This must be by masturbation if they are not sexual enough. Masturbate at least two to three times a week so that you are sexually ready for your man but too much so that you have become your own best lover. At the same time you should sexually please your man and be all that you were years ago.

I believe she is feeling age. We all do. It is scary and the worst part of being a woman is the fear of your strong sexual self fading. I believe you are right in the fact that this is a mind game and I, too, do not approve the medication. I have never gone this route with the exception of Premarin many years ago after I had my hysterectomy.

When you want sex, self stimulate yourself. Go without panties, no bra....Just turn yourself on thinking of what he will do to you and then tell him how and what you want done and show him exactly the place to do it....Don't be bashful....Be hot...Men are just so different then we are that you can talk to him until the cow's come home and he will not get the message anymore than my husband will. But he understands a hot sexy woman who talks dirty and says hey baby let's get it on.

I think we women forget how we got this man years ago and hurt ourselves by sulking and wondering how come it's not like it used to be. But in doing this we also forget just how sexual we used to be too.....Good sex is not forgetting who these two people were years ago....Same people just a little more time and patience and a good memory of yesterday....

Rose5: I know exactly where you are. I will start a thread tonight pertaining to this after my husband is in bed. He goes to bed early and I stay up have the night. I have no intention of sleeping my life away.....Might miss something.....I just yawn alot.... C...

[Rose5]

You are so right Caroline. Sometimes you do have to give when you don't want to. It has nothing to do with being submissive,it's just about showing someone you love them no matter what. As far as sex is concerned those days are behind me now. I don't have to convince myself anymore.
I only started masturbating a couple of months ago because it never held much interest for me. It still doesn't but ironically enough it's the only times I have been able to orgasm. I prefer and enjoy sex with him much more than masturbating but it's very frustrating when I can't reach what I know I am capable of. Sometimes I could just scream, out of frustration. I have bought a few books that all focus on female orgasm but I have not had a chance to try much yet. With three kids in the house I don't have much privacy. At night when we lock the bedroom door and they hear it they yell from their room "Why are you locking the door?" LOL
Well let me know if you have any ideas I could try.

[Hubble]

Thanks for the advice lady's.
There is no problem in my wife orgasming only initiating sex to begin with.
I consider myself a considerate lover and in actuality not only is it a rarity that my wife doesn't orgasm, I always make her come before I come (usually during intercourse).
I don't believe my wife has masturbated since we've met and I'm not sure suggesting it to her would be a help.
I genuinely believe my wife would be happy with the frequency of our lovemaking if it wasn't for me trying to talk about my unhappieness with it.
I read my own post and I just sound like a selfish whinger but more than having sex for myself, nothing makes me happier than making my wife come.
Her attitude seems one of resignation. I'm not sure how to move things forward at all.

[C]

Thanks for the advice lady's.
There is no problem in my wife orgasming only initiating sex to begin with.
I consider myself a considerate lover and in actuality not only is it a rarity that my wife doesn't orgasm, I always make her come before I come (usually during intercourse).
I don't believe my wife has masturbated since we've met and I'm not sure suggesting it to her would be a help.
I genuinely believe my wife would be happy with the frequency of our lovemaking if it wasn't for me trying to talk about my unhappieness with it.
I read my own post and I just sound like a selfish whinger but more than having sex for myself, nothing makes me happier than making my wife come.
Her attitude seems one of resignation. I'm not sure how to move things forward at all.

She really should masturbate to wake herself up to what she is missing. Have you tried carressing her in bed. Not putting the big move on but sucking her toes and waking her up slowly. No pushing, just gentle nudges of things done long ago and mentioniing who and what you used to be. Not laying a guilt trip on her but gentle reminder's.............

If nothing else sit down and talk to her of your hot sexual need for her love. No, you are not selfish. You are a man who loves a woman....She is forgetting to remember who she used to be and getting lost along the way and must be refreshed on what she is missing out of life.....She must remember that you are a man and a man is a man is a man.........

[Rose5]

Hubble, I don't think you sound selfish at all. Everyone has needs and that is just a fact and there's nothing wrong with acknowledging it. You are trying to deal with it in a healthy way by venting. I am also here to vent my frustrations because I have no one to talk to (about this topic). Most people cringe when you talk to them about sex. They prefer to talk about just about anything else.
"Resignation" This sounds very familiar. The only thing I can say is work around her. Since she doesn't want to talk she's not going to want to listen either. Ultimately it has to be her decision to want sex but if you build anticipation without jumping her, it might light her fire. Both men and women love anticipation/teasing. It takes some effort and feels ackward at first but you don't know if it will work unless you try it.

[sourpuss]

I have been reading posts for the past couple of weeks looking for insites into the ever elusive female orgasm but that will be for another post. Desire and mood seem to be recurring themes. I don't know if this will help but I was in a similar situation. I've been married for 24 years, we have three kids and I'm 45. For many years I wanted nothing to do with my husband. Once a month was about our average and it was mostly pity sex. I must emphasize, it had NOTHING to do with me not wanting sex. It had everything to do with our relationship outside the bedroom. It would be too long to get into the details of it but basicly I felt alone and I felt he rejected the children and so this traveled into the bedroom. I have always had plenty of desire and I want sex more often than my husband but for about 10 years this was totally repressed. It's hard to believe but it's true. I tried to talk to him but he's not the talkative type. Well one day I decided that my bringing my emotions into the bedroom hadn't done anything for me and he wasn't going to change. The important question is what caused this turning point. I wish I knew because it might help you but I really have not been able to put my finger on it (no pun intended).
Since your wife had similar desires to you I would venture to say she still has them but they are being pushed aside by stress or something she perceives in your relationship(real or imagined). Children can be killers of desire if you let them, maybe work is not going well. Unfortunately sice she doesn't want to talk it would be hard for you to figure it out.
Sometimes men don't realize that women need to be connected to feel in the mood. I used to tell my husband all the time that he shouldn't touch me just when he wants sex. 24 years and he still hasn't learned. When you are in a situation that you cannot have sex this is the time to approach her. Let her know that you want her and there is no danger of being rejected. Try this for a couple of days in the bedroom and outside but without actually having sex with her (need a lot of self control) and see what happens.
Don't give up because where there is a will there is a way. My personal opinion about medication is, don't go near it. The power of the mind goes far beyond what any medication can do. I'm sorry this got so long but it is a complex issue but most of all I hope it works out for you.

I agree with you 100%!