[anilu]

i have been seeing this guy for six months. He says likes me a lot but is not ready to commit and seems to be scare of rejection and getting hurt. His last girlfriend cheated on him. Sex was great at the beginning but lately I have noticed it takes him very long too finish and erection is not very strong. I talked to him a bout it and he said his penis is not big enough and because of that it does not feel very tight. He says maybe we are not a good match physically. I have told him I feel great with him and I don’t thing his penis is small. He said I could do kegel exercise but he does not know what he can do on his side. I don’t know if this problem could be caused by his fears of rejection or insecurities. I don’t know what to do. For both sex is important but now I feel uncomfortable, i don’t know if I should work on this w/him when he is not even sure he is in love. I don’t want our feeling to get hurt. What can I do?

[metboogie]

There are PLENTY of things he could do. He could start by seeing a urologist. He could do Kegel exercises too (helps men control their release more). He could alter his diet. He could exercise more. He could also stop being a d*ck and blaming you for his problems.

[nikki22]

Sounds to me like he isn't fully turned on. If you are now noticing a difference, that means he is capable of being fully erect, and was in the beginning. Maybe you two need to try something new. New positions, toys, places, etc.. Keep him interested. Ask him what he likes and what he wants to try out. Keeping the sex new and exciting is sure to keep him turned on.

[MiniVanMan]

Huh?

In what way was he being a ****? I fail to see where he blamed her.

He sounds confused and insecure to me. If it were me, I would want reassurance that I was big enough, and I would also respond to the suggestion to see a urologist.

- MiniVanMan

[metboogie]

Basically because he's telling her what she can do to fix his problem, but saying he can't do anything himself.

I listed at 4 things he could do - here's 1 more - see a therapist. You are right, he does seem insecure and has issues. She's told him he's big enough and he tells her to do kegel's. He doesn't seem to have gotten over his ex, and needs time to heal. He's not ready to commit and still very sensitive about rejection. You've only invested 6 months...I would give him some space and let him work his issues out.

[Fallen1]

I think there is more to it than just not "matching up" as he put it. Why would it be great in the beginning and then change? Why all the sudden is his penis not big enough and she needs to do Kegels? If that were actually the case wouldn't it have been that from the beginning? There's more going on here, maybe fear/issues as has been mentioned is entering the picture.

[Guest]

ok - let the eyes roll...

it sometimes happens that a guy who uses lots of porn in secret finds himself in this position. folks here have nailed the issues involved if that's the case - fear, insecurity.

if he uses lots of porn & is somewhat desensitized, he'll be in a state of needing increasingly more intense sexual stimuli to achieve the same level of arousal.

new in a relationship, espacially if he's very turned on by his partner physically, the stimulus is new & exciting. if he's continuing to desensitize himself with porn simultaneously, however, that newness & excitement wears thin. what he's experiencing in real life will begin to pale in comparison to what he exposes himself to in porn - and he'll lose his erection.

that will terrify him, humiliate him, etc. and he probably won't attribute it to porn.

he'll desperately claw at reasons/excuses - typically outside of himself - in an attempt to both thwart the responsibility of what he's experiencing away from himself AND cushion the blow of future humiliation if he loses it again (it's less an indication of his manhood - or lack thereof - if it's due to her not being tight & thus beyond his control).

like i said, roll your eyes - i know i always bring porn into it.

because i've found porn to be a very familiar denominator in relational - especially sexual - obstacles.

[rcoreyus]

ok - let the eyes roll...

because i've found porn to be a very familiar denominator in relational - especially sexual - obstacles.

I wonder what the numerator is. What percentage of men watch porn.If we look at relationships of men who do or do not watch porn, is there a different rate of problems? Anyone know of an actual study?

[anilu]

insecurities and sex

thank you for your reply. actually the last time we talked about this, he told me he maturbates very often and i know he likes porn.

i agree w/ everybpody about him being insecure becasue he does not even believe me if i tell him he is the best i ever had (it is true) and that i admire him for his personal and professional accomplishments. once he told me me every guy knows the kind of women he can attract and if a woman under that average is interested the guy wil not take her serious. on the other side if a woman who may me above that concept is in the picture; the guy gets confuse becasue wonders what exactly the woman is looking for.l he also told me i am beatiful in and out and i could have any man in the world....i care about him a lot and i am trying not to take this personal but it is difficult.


i am scare he will get mad at me for suggesting counseling or to see an urologist.
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[anilu]

i did

i told him he is the best i ever had and women pleasur is not related with the size....i told him also i feel very comfortable w/him ...