[myguitartrevor]

^_^...no worries...i don't get offended too easily...i just look at your perspective...i don't like to judge either...it's...condescending in a way, well, that's what i think...^_^

i'm really just glad that he's [my BF] there whenever i feel i'm at my lowest point...

when there are times that certain, everyday occurances, remind me of my past...all of my insecurities arise...it's like overly risen dough...you know? when you try and make sweet bread, but forget to put in the oven after fifteen minutes of letting it rise, then finding that your sweet bread dough turned into sour dough :P...lol...that's a bad analogy...lol...forgive me^_^?

i HAVE confidence in myself...i think i'm attractive physically, and can carry myself well in the public eye...but when "those" times come around...or when i have some "down-time" to do a little "life review"...i end up blaming myself for things...and there it goes...my confidence flogging and collapsing towards the hardest point of my tremendously atrocious, brick-laiden history. what else can i do then, but to blame myself for being such a weak girl? take to account that i was as spineless and scared little person...i know you tell me to say "No"...and i DID say "No"...but that didn't stop anything from happening...

sometimes...i find myself shaking my head...thinking "if that didn't happen to me?...what kind of person would i REALLY be now?"

all i do now is take in that torturous experience...and not let it happen to me or anyone else i know...eh?

...whatever...

[CHANDLERS WISH]

^_^...no worries...i don't get offended too easily...i just look at your perspective...i don't like to judge either...it's...condescending in a way, well, that's what i think...^_^

i'm really just glad that he's [my BF] there whenever i feel i'm at my lowest point...

when there are times that certain, everyday occurances, remind me of my past...all of my insecurities arise...it's like overly risen dough...you know? when you try and make sweet bread, but forget to put in the oven after fifteen minutes of letting it rise, then finding that your sweet bread dough turned into sour dough :P...lol...that's a bad analogy...lol...forgive me^_^?

i HAVE confidence in myself...i think i'm attractive physically, and can carry myself well in the public eye...but when "those" times come around...or when i have some "down-time" to do a little "life review"...i end up blaming myself for things...and there it goes...my confidence flogging and collapsing towards the hardest point of my tremendously atrocious, brick-laiden history. what else can i do then, but to blame myself for being such a weak girl? take to account that i was as spineless and scared little person...i know you tell me to say "No"...and i DID say "No"...but that didn't stop anything from happening...

sometimes...i find myself shaking my head...thinking "if that didn't happen to me?...what kind of person would i REALLY be now?"

all i do now is take in that torturous experience...and not let it happen to me or anyone else i know...eh?

...whatever...

Your boyfriend sounds like one real great guy and you sound like your both in love...ohhhh....

The dough bit i don't get? lol.... Yes i do. lol.

Life is a journey of ups and downs, good and bad, happy and sad, may life keep your journey up and up and up.... CW

[Richard S]

Well, on the highest level, I would say that you need to find a process, or a ritual, that will help you to get over to the other side of this river. Some women seek counseling, others find support groups. It may be as simple as finding the right medication. What I mean is that the specific symptom of intrusive negative thoughts can sometimes be helped with meds. I definitely recommend speaking to a professional about it. Sometimes it reaches a point where kind words and encouraging thoughts aren't enough.

That's really all I can say here, in a public forum. I wish you all the best with it. I promise that it gets better from here.

[myguitartrevor]

thank you guys/gals so much for replying...i really appreciate it^_^