My boyfriend and I don't seem to have sex very often, despite my efforts to get him interested. A couple of weeks ago I finally worked up the courage to ask if there was a problem. He had been away on a month long holiday, and had been back for a month and a half at the time. We hadn't had sex since his return, making it two and a half month in total, which I pointed out.
His reply? "I didn't realize it had been that long".
When I pushed the point, asking if there was a problem, he said that we almost never have an opportunity as we don't see each other enough. I gave several examples of when we did have an opportunity, which he didn't like. (I later did a mental count and concluded that we had seen each other about 20 times in 40 days, although often in public).
His insistence that there is no problem bothered me a lot at first because if there's not a problem, then he just doesn't want to have sex. That of course made me worry about whether I'm unattractive and/or awful in bed, but eventually I convinced myself that him having a low libido was not because of me.
Today we had sex. But here's the other half of our issues, he has never ejaculated with me (with the exception of once very early in our relationship when I was giving him a hand job). It's rare that I can even arouse him to the point where his eyes roll back into his head. I've asked repeatedly what he likes and made suggestions about new things we could try (never in relation to the absence of ejaculation as I didn't want him to feel self-conscious) but nothing either of us comes up with seems to work.
I've only commented on this to him twice. The first time was shortly after we started having sex, to which he responded "I thought I was going to but then didn't". I thought I had managed to keep the tone here light and avoid making him feel pressured, but maybe not . . . The second time I commented on it was today, when I half-playfully observed that he didn't appear to be satisfied (he still had an erection) and was an invitation to come back to bed. Thinking about this now, I probably didn't handle it very well as his response was awkward (unlike the first time), he stuttered something like "yeah that" and made a dismissive gesture with his hand.
I don't know what kind of advice I'm hoping to get here or even what I'm asking, but please pile it on because I'm honestly at my wits end. I don't know what to do to get past these issues, or even if it's possible to get past them . . . Sorry this is such a long post.
His reply? "I didn't realize it had been that long".
When I pushed the point, asking if there was a problem, he said that we almost never have an opportunity as we don't see each other enough. I gave several examples of when we did have an opportunity, which he didn't like. (I later did a mental count and concluded that we had seen each other about 20 times in 40 days, although often in public).
His insistence that there is no problem bothered me a lot at first because if there's not a problem, then he just doesn't want to have sex. That of course made me worry about whether I'm unattractive and/or awful in bed, but eventually I convinced myself that him having a low libido was not because of me.
Today we had sex. But here's the other half of our issues, he has never ejaculated with me (with the exception of once very early in our relationship when I was giving him a hand job). It's rare that I can even arouse him to the point where his eyes roll back into his head. I've asked repeatedly what he likes and made suggestions about new things we could try (never in relation to the absence of ejaculation as I didn't want him to feel self-conscious) but nothing either of us comes up with seems to work.
I've only commented on this to him twice. The first time was shortly after we started having sex, to which he responded "I thought I was going to but then didn't". I thought I had managed to keep the tone here light and avoid making him feel pressured, but maybe not . . . The second time I commented on it was today, when I half-playfully observed that he didn't appear to be satisfied (he still had an erection) and was an invitation to come back to bed. Thinking about this now, I probably didn't handle it very well as his response was awkward (unlike the first time), he stuttered something like "yeah that" and made a dismissive gesture with his hand.
I don't know what kind of advice I'm hoping to get here or even what I'm asking, but please pile it on because I'm honestly at my wits end. I don't know what to do to get past these issues, or even if it's possible to get past them . . . Sorry this is such a long post.
. It's reassuring to know that other people out there have similar issues. I really liked the suggestions about watching/taking part in his masturbation as I think it will be much easier to broach the issue if I have some ideas about how we can address it (rather than just saying, "you have issues" and not know where to go from there!)
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