[atskitty2]

I see. Well, you seem confident. Hope it goes as expected.

[Something_Awesome]

Kitty, I get your issue with the 5th paragraph. And yeah, there are a bunch of other factors, but do those factors come up because the woman's libido is nose-diving? I think those other factors come up because of the sex issue. I guess I imagine it as the woman's libido nose diving (due to being in a monotonous relationship) and, as a result, she becomes disinterested in having sex with her husband. The husband then begins to develop resentment and everything just gets worse from there. That's when the other factors come up, no?

Magnetism, you mentioned that you think evolution can support a woman's non monogamous nature. That's an uncomfortable thought! I figure women wouldn't want such an idea to be true because they don't want to seem "at fault" for a relationship going sour (don't attack me over this, I am not blaming anyone for anything). As a guy, I can say that I wouldn't want such a notion true because there would be no bigger blow to the ego than for my SO to say she is not sexually interested in me anymore or that she things I am boring, etc. Of course the main reason I would not want it to be true is because I also feel like I am my "healthiest" (quoting Kitty) when I am monogamous.

Effy, OMG we so suck at choosing partners! I get what your saying about how relationships can fail in so many ways other than sex. Relationships can end for a million different reasons. But I wonder if in a lot of relationships that fail, they failed due to monogamy (same reasoning as the one I mention in the paragraph addressing Kitty). I think what I mean to say is, if a couple is not having sex, and they are losing interest in each other sexually, then why would not everything else crumble? I think a lot of people get together because of the sexual attraction. When the sex isn't there, then I guess that everything ought to begin to crumble. Oh, and constantly reinventing yourself is much easier said than done (but I understand that it's a potential reality for me).

Kira, I guess your sister is living life in a manner that more and more women are living in today. As for you being in an open marriage with no kids, well, I guess that just is further "proof" to go along with how your sister is. You talk about anal being such a big thing or a big deal... Is it honestly a much bigger deal than the open marriage?

Raindancer, the "all women are at least a little bi" idea was formed by me, in my head. Also, your writing on the "nature" side of things is interesting. And, taking in what you wrote, the need to impose monogamy on women makes sense. But I will say this. That imposing of monogamy may have more to do more with men sleeping around than with women. Is it possible that something was being imposed on women that they already sort of desired?

Lilah, that zing you talk about is exactly what I was referring to in my original post. The thing that I guess I don't get in all this is that why (from an idealist's perspective) a couple does not try to bring the zing back without going about it the "lazy" way and hooking up with strangers. That zing refers to more than just sex. That zing refers to a psychological/emotional reaction that the people in an open relationship are experiences with the new person. So is that not cheating? At that point it is more than just being about a simple orgasm.

[atskitty2]

Well, your verbiage in your OP made it seem different. For me, at least, sex is about the intimacy-the relationship. Sex is a demonstration of the closeness you feel to them.
If there's no bond, no trust & closeness, even my libido won't make me want to have sex with my partner. I guess that's why I never had one-nighters, or slept with anyone early in a relationship.
Libido isn't the problem, the problems in the relationship are. The libido declines & of course other issues arise from that, but the root of the problem is the relationship, not the lack of sex in it. It's a chicken or the egg conversation...are there sexual problems because of the ... or are there problems because of the lack of sex...I believe, in many cases, it's because the relationship isn't suiting the mental, emotional needs of that person, and the sex naturally follows suit.

I think sex isn't the most important factor in a relationship. It's important, but there are things more important, more indicative of the health of a relationship. That is, for many of us. I do know people whose relationships are based totally on sex, and I guess, for them, it is never intended to be a lifelong thing from the start of it. I don't necessarily think that indicates that we're not "meant" to be monogamous tho'.

And that "zing", I believe can be renewed. I've experienced that myself to lesser degrees.

[Motorguy]

Well for my marriage my wife is probably more sexually within it then me at this time. Because she does fool around with other dear close girl friends as she is bi. I love my wife as I know she loves me as we are committed to each other. We raised 4 beautiful daughters together as my wife has been supported of me and me with her as well. But her sexually appetite is higher right now do to my health problems I am dealing with at this time. So the alone sexually time for her is ok, but she enjoys the touch and feeling of another women as well she not into going out and enjoying another man she really not into doing that to me or ever would. I feel are commutcation between each other is fantastic as I trust she wouldn't step out on me for just for a cheap thrill.

[LilahX]

Yes, we'd all love to have that initial 'zing' but the stages of a r/ship change and eventually we go from that frenetic sexual attraction to something that's less intense. It's a known fact that over time things change. I think a 'zing' can absolutely be maintained but we can't expect it to come fromthe same things, like simply being together. We grow as sexual beings and we grow in our feelings and nothing stays static. I think our emotional feelings intensify (hopefully) and it's only natural to want to embrace new things together. For some of us that includes exploring with others - but it never replaces or is better than 'one on one'. It only makes that better.