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Incredibly sexually frustrated

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  • Incredibly sexually frustrated

    My boyfriend and I have been together for 6 years now. Just moved into our first apartment together so there is a balance of work, fun, and having to stress out about being an adult. I get that. My libido has always been ridiculous. I was 17 when I had sex and from then on I feel like it is the most amazing thing in the world. If I could have sex twice a day every day I still wouldn't have enough. My boyfriend however has been dealing with the stress if being at a new job and this new place to live. Even though somehow, this man is always stressed out. Anyway, his labido has taken a nose dive to the center of the earth. I encurange him to watch porn, I am willing to do anything for him to need and want me. Once I do seduce him and we have the mind blowing sex that I crave, I end up going to the bathroom and crying. He doesn't know this. I feel guilty that I had to convince my 33year old boyfriend to do this. I have extreme self confidence issues and I have found sex makes all of the doubt wash away only to have it catch back up to me. I also have this crazy voice in my head (my labido) that makes me angry at him. OK, not to sound conceded but ummm I am kind of what guys dream about. A woman who can't get enough...anyway. I have always had to deal with this in every relationship. I guess I feel like a guy. I can't seem to find anyone on his earth that can actually keep up with me. I don't need to have sex every day but I do want it. I realize food and work are important but my desires are there. He also is dragging his fing feet on other important questions. He is my best friend but I feel like were room mates who have sex sometimes.

    *Gasp*

    Help

  • Do you initiate sex too? Do you try to seduce him? Are you both physically fit? Is he a smoker? Could your self confidence issues be causing him to want sex less often? Are there things you can do to help relieve some of his stress that doesn't involve sex? How is the non-sexual intimacy in your relationship?

    Have a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriend and explain your feeling to him. Avoid saying things that he may feel is pointing the blame on him. Explain how you feel after not having sex for a few days. Then ask him for suggestions how the two of you can be more intimate without stressing him out more. However, do not continue to wait for him to change for more than a few months because if he can't or won't figure it out in 3 months you might end up in a relationship like mine - married for 25+ years, two kids, pets, house, friends, and then had to parts ways because I couldn't take the torture any longer. Whatever you do, do not marry this man thinking that the frequency of sex will increase because it most likely will not.

    Comment


    • I have always initiated the sex in every relationship. He smokes and I need to get in shape and he needs to bulk up (I think he looks perfect). The non sexual part of our relationship is a strong foundation. We are a great team and are incredibly synced up. When we do have sex it is always breathing and mind blowing. Its like I have an addiction to the feeling of that bond, connection, intimacy, and the orgasum. Every time I have talked to him about it he gets upset and points out how "horrible of a boyfriend he is " then I get to spend the next hour building him back up and go to bed horny. He gets turned on but doesn't get horny and has a hard time staying hard which I know is no reflection of me but it shatters my already fragile self confidence.

      Comment


      • This is what I am currently dealing with but this has been an issue in every relationship. I have been with 8 men and after an month, they are "warn out". When our relationship started we were having incredible sex two or three times a week for hours. I thought I found the one man on earth that could keep up or beat me at my own fantasy then about two years of harliquin novel romance *BOOM* GONE. I feel like a 17 year old man.

        Comment


        • Like today he came home upset about work. The first thing I thought was "well there goes my Friday night". Sometimes I try and make his day perfect so maybe he will be in a good mood and will want to have sex. I know the second something disrupts his mood, my night will be quiet. He is a pretty mellow guy and is quiet. A solid rock and a wonderful person but when he gets annoyed he just kind of sinks.

          Comment


          • First, encourage him to see a doctor about his erectile dysfunction. Smoking, lack of physical activity and excess fat take a toll on a man's testosterone levels among other things. He may resist, but explain to him that sexual intimacy is an important part of a healthy relationship and the problem is only going to get worse if he doesn't do anything about, and may become irreversible. This is his issue, not yours, but hold him accountable.

            Second, I feel your pain because I lived in a relationship like this for 25+ years and at times I could suppress or take care of my urges, but for long periods of time it was torture. I finally had to make the difficult decision to end the relationship.

            My wife was a wonderful person too, but physical intimacy was very low on her list of priorities. She made so many promises over the years to change, but it never lasted long. Just like a habitual dieter that keeps gaining the weight back. She would be a little better about it for a week or two, and the start slipping back into her old habits. Talking about how it made me feel was very difficult too because she always became defensive and put the blame on me instead of having a constructive conversation.

            Do you work, have any hobbies, hang out with close friends? Idle minds tends to concentrate on problems for some people.

            Comment


            • Well Samantha, my wife stills works I am retire now . The first thing we agree on was we wouldn't never bring are jobs home with us ever. For the pass 27 years we just focus on are self and are daughters and grand daughters now. Bringing your job home will only upset your mate plus ruin your Friday night or weekend just like you was just saying that's no fun. My dad always had a good saying life is way to short to dwell on stuff you can't control it screws up your mood and the people you love. So I would say tell BF to keep his bad day to him self it's not easy. But it's the only way to keep the relationship in A good fun feeling and you not dealing with these issue right now or ever.
              When out driving always turn left. Then, should you become lost, you can find your way home by reversing the procedure and always turning right.

              Comment


              • I work in retail so my hours are sometimes scattered and his hours at work are long. I have horses and I like drawing. We have couple friends but I don't have anyone I can call to just hang out with. I dont drink and once I get home from work I have no interest in being social. My boyfriend and I are both introverts so we enjoy the quiet life. We don't want kids. I tend to loose friends easily. I am pretty anti social and don't understand the balance of being friends and being clingy. If I am horny I can't even function. I pretty much lay in bed and get deep into this website so I can see that I am not alone. I just feel alone. I just adore my boyfriend so much and miss him when I can't see him, love him so much when I am around him, I make him dinner every night and clean the apartment. I am a pleaser. I love seeing him pleased. Most people would assume I have daddy issues but my father is a wonderful man. Same mood swings as my boyfriend but also same calm cool collect mindset. I try to hard in everything but making me happy always comes second. I don't have any desire to meet or be with anyone else and I know he is the one. We will just have to figure out a healthy balance in life and maybe take a trip to the sex shop and find something he can use on me. Or I can use on me. That way we are still being intimate but he doesn't feel pressured to perform. Does that even sound logical?

                Comment


                • I normally get to a point where I am so horny that basic tasks become impossible. If I could do a 1-10 on my labido 1-being lowest 10- being omg I need something now... I am ALWAYS at a 7 or more. I am only less than 7 after sex and that puts me at a 5 and holds me there for a day or two depending on how many times I orgasm. If I masterbate it puts me at a 6 for one day and it is pretty much to shut my brain up. When I get to a 10 I can't function and my entire body is so aroused that I can't even talk to anyone. Makes my job difficult. I never become flirty with other men and have no interest in anyone else even though my entire body feels like I will explode. I actually become very withdrawn and annoyied with people. I just want to get home to my man.

                  Maybe in a next life I can just not have a labido. Or a vagina..

                  Comment


                  • I agree with Motorguy, your man needs to learn to leave work at work. A good way to do that is to have a routine after work that helps him destress, which may or may not include you. Such as running, walking, biking, having a cold beer in a hot shower, sipping cognac, whatever works for him.

                    Adult toys are fun, but they won't solve your problem.

                    While you may want/need sex everyday, routinely having sex more than twice a week is too much for a lot of people, men and women included. Ask him about his needs, share your needs, and try to find a comprise that will work for both of you.

                    Comment

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