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Relearning to passionately kiss after 25 years

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  • Relearning to passionately kiss after 25 years

    I was married for 25 years, and my wife didn't like kissing except for a quick peck on the lips before bed. To say that I missed kissing a woman is a major understatement. However, now that I am single, I find that I am having mental blocks that are keeping me from enjoying kissing a woman. First, I get anxious thinking that I may not be good at it anymore. I mean, how could I possibly be good at kissing if I haven't done it all these years? Second, when I am kissing a woman, harsh comments from my wife keep coming to mind causing me to not be in the moment and also increases my anxiety that I'm not doing it well. I believe all of this is causing me to not enjoy the kissing much. I recall kissing before my marriage was invigorating, but so far kissing after my marriage doesn't cause any sparks. The sex is great, but the kissing, not so much.

    I generally try to avoid talking about my marriage in any detail because I assume women will jump to incorrect conclusions why my wife withheld sex for so many years. I've thought of mentioning that I haven't kissed a woman in a very long time, but then that will bring questions forcing me to go into more detail.

    Any suggestions to overcome this anxiety?

    I wish one of my female friends would help me out and let me practice with her a few times to regain my confidence and alleviate my anxiety, but their current partners wouldn't like it very much.

  • If the kissing isn't great, but the sex is, maybe you could talk to your partner about it, and practice with them. I'm puzzled as to why, if you're in a sexual relationship, you'd be looking to practice with anyone but that person. Maybe there's no sparks because there's no "chemistry" or attraction to that person. Maybe she isn't a great kisser, or isn't using the technique that would please you most either.

    After 25 years, it's going to take awhile to erase the comments that bounce into your mind. Just being aware & pushing them out, is about all you can do. It gets better in that respect.

    Just some ideas,

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    • I'm still very much in the casual sex phase, avoiding serious relationships for now. When I'm kissing a woman, my eyes are closed and the comments from my wife inundate my mind. When I'm having sex, my eyes are wide open and focused on the beautiful woman in front of me. I can kiss any part of a woman's body and I remain totally focused, enjoying every second, but as soon as I close my eyes and kiss a woman on the mouth, the past floods my brain. I wouldn't call it a phobia because there is no associated fear, but it seems close to that otherwise.

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