[Elena_EvilEye]

I would say there is nothing wrong with physical intimacy with your partner but your partner needs to be comfortable with it and it also depends on the context. With me for example I love physical intimacy with my hubby but I don't want him copping a feel of me or grabbing my bum when I'm just not in the mood e.g Angry, upset, tired etc . Aside from that we grope each other he will cop a feel and I will grab his amazing bum (I can't help myself lol) and we mess around quite abit.

At the same time we all want to be treated with respect, dignity and love It’s not only about what husbands want, it’s also about what wives want, and what each couple can enjoy TOGETHER.

[effy2014]

It's not about mind reading as much as it is about understanding patterns of behavior and the reasons for it. My SO is an emotional being and I chose to be with her with the knowledge of her personality. Sometimes I get "bit" by it but many others I get extremely rewarded by her passion and emotions. That's why I don't feel like a doormat or carpet .... the best parts of the relationship are worth the minor indignities we all suffer through.

The most difficult relationship is the one that JD is suffering through. Most men need intimacy to both maintain and deepen their emotional commitment to their partner. A woman who does not value intimacy in the same way or who has shut down from intimacy for whatever reasons, makes a terrible partner. Even if other needs are being met, the lack of intimacy gnaws at your soul and creates feelings of inadequacy, unattractivess and undesirability. Some men divorce because of it and others deal with their unhappiness in other ways. I agree with Kitty that you need to heal.

[JonDoe]

I'm working on the healing part; however, the resentment was so very strong when I finally called it quits, and I realize that I haven't fully let go of the resentment. Sometimes reading and posting here is helpful, and other times not so much [update: because some specific topics and posts remind me of past hurts and resurface negative emotions]; hence, why I disappear at times for a while.

I'm having lots of sex, but it is lacking any emotional component. Don't get me wrong, the sex is great! The quantity and quality of sex is awesome!! However, what I craved the most when I was married was the genuine expression of love and admiration through physical intimacy and the desire of each partner to please the other to the fullest extent possible.

It may possibly take a few years to allow myself to be trusting and vulnerable emotionally. In the mean time, I'll have to be content with casual sex.

[atskitty2]

Healing takes time, and for some it takes more time than others. I have no doubt the process will take years. Give yourself all the time you need.
I hope we're helpful here more often than not.

[effy2014]

JD, I hear you load and clear. What helped me was the realization (emotionally, not just intellectually) that my ex was just not capable of loving me in the way that I needed. We think it is easy . . . she loves me, so why can't she express it physically or romantically. You were willing to go 90% of the way but it seemed like she couldn't even "bother" with the 10%. It's belittling and humiliating.

However, there is another side. To my SO, even the 10% was an insurmountable barrier. Despite 4 1/2 years of marital therapy, the only "kernal" I got was that she needed to trust more but nothing I did seemed to work. What became clear to me was that her pessimistic/negative mindset infected everything. At best the glass was half full and was usually draining, even when good things were happening. When you recognize your ex partner's emotional limitations and see her actions as less (or not) intentional, it becomes much easier to deal with.

Once you get your fill of "less" meaningful sex, you will trust and love again. You seem to be a man who needs intimacy as an extension of a deep loving relationship to see meaning in it. Get past feeling robbed of it by your ex and you will find a woman who can fulfil your emotional, spiritual and physical needs. I am glad that you took the steps to leave for your own sanity and well being.

[atskitty2]

Just a thought...both your ex-wives sound severely depressed. Were there ever any evaluations for that?