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Trying to get it in.. Help!

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  • Trying to get it in.. Help!

    Hello! I've come to this forum because I know there are a lot of experienced people here with good advice to offer.

    I've been trying to have sex (for the first time) with the guy that I've been dating. The two times that we've tried now have been unsuccessful (P in the V). He's been able to get about two inches in but I start to clench up at that point. It's really frustrating for the both of us. It's not a problem of not being wet or aroused enough, I just keep clenching up when he tries to enter me. It's almost like it's involuntary or something, but I really don't want to put the "vaginismus" label on me, I'm determined to get past this. And as far as my hymen status goes, I'm pretty positive it's been broken or stretched or whatever. He's able to fit two fingers in me no problem. He keeps saying it's all up in my head, and I agree. I really want this to work out, I've waited a long time to get to this point, I feel comfortable and our sexual chemistry is great!! If anyone has any pointers on how to relax more or anything, leave it here!
    Thanks a lot in advance

  • Mentally tell yourself to relax those muscles. I find if I tilt my pelvis up or put a pillow under its easier for it to slide in. Lube! Change the position of your legs. I know its frustrating but at least you are openly communicating with him about it - I didn't!

    Comment


    • I have no experience with something like what you describe. If he can get two fingers in, I'd suggest trying to increase the girt slowly. It could be done with sex toys of different sizes.

      Another idea is to try penetration after you've had an orgasm. Vaginas dilate after orgasm and you'll be at your peek in relaxation.

      Comment


      • Well MMF05 you need to have boy friend use more lube with his fingers more maybe some toys as well. I believe you are tense up waiting for it to hurt. You just need to relax and just put it out of your head it's going to hurt. But more foreplay and you relaxing you should be able to except your BF inside you then. But if your boyfriend can get his fingers in you your hymen could already be broken it's the girth you are having issue with.
        So many very small toys at first this will get you to except the girth of your boy friend. I say good luck I sure hope you can achieve making your self happy and your BF as well when you can enjoy him with intercourse finally.
        When out driving always turn left. Then, should you become lost, you can find your way home by reversing the procedure and always turning right.

        Comment


        • I've never been the first for any woman I have had sex with, but have been close to the first several times. He may have to keep on trying for quite a while before he can enter. Use plenty of lube and be persistent with times to relax between try's. One of my times had the lady tighten up so much during sex it took at least 15 minutes of no motion to be able to exit.
          I have but one lamp by which my feet are guided, and that is the lamp of experience.
          ...
          Shall we gather strength by irresolution and inaction? Shall we acquire the means of effectual resistance by lying supinely on our backs and hugging the delusive phantom of hope, until our enemies shall have bound us hand and foot?

          From a speech by Patrick Henry on March 23, 1775 at St. John's Church, Richmond, Virginia

          Comment


          • Thank you to everyone who took the time to respond with your advice! Unfortunately, I didn't get to come back here and read it before we actually did it on Monday. But I have fantastic news, it was very successful and pain and anxiety free!! It gets better every time we do it!

            Comment


            • Originally posted by mmf05 View Post
              Hello! I've come to this forum because I know there are a lot of experienced people here with good advice to offer.

              I've been trying to have sex (for the first time) with the guy that I've been dating. The two times that we've tried now have been unsuccessful (P in the V). He's been able to get about two inches in but I start to clench up at that point. It's really frustrating for the both of us. It's not a problem of not being wet or aroused enough, I just keep clenching up when he tries to enter me. It's almost like it's involuntary or something, but I really don't want to put the "vaginismus" label on me, I'm determined to get past this. And as far as my hymen status goes, I'm pretty positive it's been broken or stretched or whatever. He's able to fit two fingers in me no problem. He keeps saying it's all up in my head, and I agree. I really want this to work out, I've waited a long time to get to this point, I feel comfortable and our sexual chemistry is great!! If anyone has any pointers on how to relax more or anything, leave it here!
              Thanks a lot in advance
              First off... Realize that there is nothing wrong with you. Then understand that sex should be enjoyable for you. If its not, then change something. I suggest talking with your boyfriend, being frank with him. Having an open conversation about sex, and what you feel and what he feels. The more comfortable you are with the subject, the easier it will get.

              He needs to help you feel comfortable. If you are not wet enough, or not aroused enough, he should not be penetrating you. He should be warming you up... This might take a while for you because you seem to be a little tense. Tell him what you like, and then guide him. Tell him to touch you and pleasure you and make it fun, and slow. He might be sooooo excited that he just wants to stick it in and bang it out, but you both need to SLOW DOWN... a lot. Don't do it if you feel rushed, or if you don't have a place to do it where you feel like you're going to be interrupted, or listened to, those things will only make you more tense. Find a way to take it slow, and talk it out. Talk about your pleasure and what you like. Tell him what feels good, and if he's doing something that doesnt feel good, don't be mad, just guide him to make adjustments so it does feel good.

              Is your boyfriends penis very well endowed? Because that can definitely cause trouble, I've been there myself and have learned how to manage relationships and have mutually enjoyable sex while having a very large penis, its difficult, but possible. The man just needs to have a higher sexual IQ than the average fella.

              hope this helps.

              Comment


              • Originally posted by mmf05 View Post
                Thank you to everyone who took the time to respond with your advice! Unfortunately, I didn't get to come back here and read it before we actually did it on Monday. But I have fantastic news, it was very successful and pain and anxiety free!! It gets better every time we do it!
                Congrats and more fun going forward!

                Comment


                • And it'll just keep getting better!
                  )

                  Comment


                  • Originally posted by mmf05 View Post
                    Thank you to everyone who took the time to respond with your advice! Unfortunately, I didn't get to come back here and read it before we actually did it on Monday. But I have fantastic news, it was very successful and pain and anxiety free!! It gets better every time we do it!
                    It will only get better and better. I'm 29 and it still gets better and better

                    Comment

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