[runrig]

Hi!

My boyfriend and I haven't had sex yet, or even been alone in a room, but if we find a dark and private corner somewhere [a "behind the bike shed" kind of thing, and we're in Canada so it's pretty cold!] we often end up in a super steamy makeout session. During these moments I really want to explore below his belt, and I bet he'd like it too, but because I'm a virgin [and because we're making out in a public place kind of!] I'm not sure I'd want to give him a proper handjob and keep going until climax. Partly because I don't have the confidence to have faith that I'll actually be able to do that!

I know it varies from guy to guy and situation to situation, but what do you think? Do you think he'd be frustrated if I touched him during a makeout session but didn't "follow through"?

[Lexhill]

Hi,

I would say as long as both of you are on the same page then it would be OK. I would say touching and getting to know his equipment is no problem without going on. But if you start to give a handjob I would say forget the climax, if it happens or not should not be that important for anyone of you in this phase. But again talk about it. Stopping a handjob when a guy is about to cum, and not let him will cause what's called blue balling as far as I know. This can leave any man pretty weird after. Some people like the edging and blue balling but I would recommend to save that for a later occasion.

So my tip would be make sure you are on the same page as your boyfriend, then chose between getting to know it and a handjob from that. If you give a handjob he will most likely know that you are not experienced. Let him give you pointers and let it be fun for the both of you. And don't think about his climax. Stop when it feels right for the both of you. If he climaxes great if not, maybe another time. For in my mind, Don't stop because he is about to climax. That would leave me incredibly frustrated. Take the moment to enjoy your new experience instead. sound like you are not that experienced so my guess would be that you might be curious about what happends down there and this is you time to show your man that you are interested in his body as well as him. I don't know a guy who would not be ecstatic to have their girlfriend enjoying their features. All to often I see women treat our parts as kinda disgusting. While the hot thing would be to treat it like your new phone. You know the feeling of being excited to open it and play with it, find out it's every function and possibilities.

Sex is one of life's most beautiful things. It's been enjoyed for centuries. For some reason it seams like our parents generation has made it more of a taboo then it is. I newly discussed this with some coworkers that most could be my parents. Seems to me like in my country that my grandparents generation was a lot more open on this subject.

Hope this answer helps you out. By the way I am from your generation

[runrig]

Thanks for your thoughts Lexhill! But I have to admit--

If you give a handjob he will most likely know that you are not experienced.

--That scares the living daylights out of me. i.e. the idea that he will KNOW I'm inexperienced. I realise I "should" tell him I'm inexperienced, because of trust and so on, but it's surely up to me, nobody else, and I've decided I don't want him to know about my inexperience. I really, really don't want him to guess. Especially if he guesses from my ineptitude at giving a handjob! =P

[Motorguy]

Well Runrig I am going to be parent on this one. Being a dad of four daughters I know three of them have been in your position my youngest I don't think so. But many girls have been in your position before and will many years after. But don't worry about be inexperienced with doing a HJ you will figure out. Plus your boy friend will let you know if you are doing it the right way as well.

[atskitty2]

Before I offer any more specific thoughts, runrig, I would appreciate knowing your age.

And regardless of that answer, I'm going to suggest that if you aren't ready to be honest about your sexual experience, and discuss openly your fears and desires to please him, then it may not be time to engage in sexual activities. A big part of having sex, whether intercourse itself, manual or oral stimulation, is trust and communication. They are key in those encounters.
Why are you so scared that he will know your level of experience?

[runrig]

Thanks Motorguy =)

Before I offer any more specific thoughts, runrig, I would appreciate knowing your age.

And regardless of that answer, I'm going to suggest that if you aren't ready to be honest about your sexual experience, and discuss openly your fears and desires to please him, then it may not be time to engage in sexual activities. A big part of having sex, whether intercourse itself, manual or oral stimulation, is trust and communication. They are key in those encounters.
Why are you so scared that he will know your level of experience?

I'm 27, going on 28, and that's one of the reasons why I don't want him to know I'm a virgin/inexperienced. I do love and trust him, and I know for a fact that he would be very understanding if I told him about my lack of experience, but I still do not want to tell him, and I think that should be up to me. =)

[atskitty2]

Well, of course it is up to you, I am just wondering from what frame of mind you're going at this.

So, to answer your original question as best I can: It depends on the guy, as you said. Only he can answer whether he'd be frustrated by that or not. Generally if you begin touching him, there's going to be an assumption on his part, or at least the desire, that you will "follow through". If you don't intend to do that, tell him, so that he can say whether he wants to start down a dead end road, so to speak. Some men do not appreciate being left hanging, but others will accept & appreciate any handling they can get!

Generally speaking, again, if you aren't willing to discuss that ahead of time, and you aren't willing to "follow through" then, I would not start down that road. How far ARE you willing to take it? I know how I'd feel if my bf began touching me, and at some random point, he decided to stop, without warning. I'd be frustrated, yes, and wonder what the problem was.

Without more info, I don't have much more advice for you. It's anonymous here, you can open up more about this if you'd like. There are many factors to consider here, more so than just whether or not a man we don't know, would be frustrated by that. Is he a virgin also? Or experienced? Is he asking for a hand job? Are you only doing it for him or because you are ready to progress your own sexual experiences? How long have you been together?

Hand jobs are not a one size fits all deal either Any time I am with someone new, I ask how they like to be touched. That's come from experience, not from inexperience. Some like a gentler hand, others rough. Some prefer focus on the shaft, others at the head. This is where communication is so key, as you move toward being sexually experienced.

[Pearlami]

According to your age i'm guessing he isn't a child.
A mature man would not expect you to give him a full hand job Outside, it's fun to mess around a little bit but it doesn't have to get anywhere. If you were in a room together then yes, depends on him of course, but more chanes he'd be frustrated.
I think the fact you guys are outside makes it less commiting and that's great for you.

[Milla-gross]

You have to tell him. Everything will be easier after you do.

[Lexhill]

Runrig: Sorry I have not been able to come to this site since I wrote last. I noticed the sentence you focused out. And I explained myself unclear. Of course one might be able to sense insecurities and inexperience from all actions not just sexual but my meaning in that sentence was meant in another way that you read. And from reading it myself I understand your interpretation better then my intent. Sadly this says more about my writing that your reading

What I meant is that if you are in a kinda serious relationship he will already know that you are inexperienced and insecure about the subject from your daily life. Most people are in some ways able to kinda read this behavior. It's hard to hide these things as you usually overcompensate when you do.

Also askitty brings up a couple of really valid points. First of a handjob is really not a onesize fits all therefor what you do does not necessarily make him think about experience level but can also be written down to past partners preferences. Therefor communication about what he likes will make him think you are more experienced than you really are. The other thing is about stopping midway in a handjob, it can cause many different thoughts. 1 of them are him getting insecure about your feelings towards his body. I can only speak for my own feelings about this. If you lightly tease him with touching and grabbing, it would not leave me frustrated, it would leave me flattered that someone liked me that well. While if you kinda get into a handjob, it would not matter if your outside or inn your bedroom. I would then ask myself what is wrong and what's going on if you just stop halfway without communication about it.

Weird enough I am actually talking from experience since I had kinda the same situation around 12 years ago. Where me and my exgf did not have anywhere private to be. I felt it forced us to talk about it and we enjoyed the outdoor quite well. I felt very insecure about my self at that time as well. Coming from a situation of feeling unattractive and being unpopular as well as problems at home. This girl actually saved me quite a bit with her attraction to me and wanting to be sexual with me. thinking back I don't think she was very experienced either, and came from a physically abusive father. Where she got free prevention shots in case anything sexual was going to happen. At that time she was moved to a foster home.

What I am trying to say is follow your heart and desires. And don't let your insecurities control your actions and happiness. You as everyone else deserves to be happy and being able to enjoy the comfort and pleasure of sex. If he judges you from not being good enough when you do this to him in nature, that is his problem and he does not deserve you. I know what i'm saying is hard to do in life, but all I can say is try.