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Frustrated, cannot achieve orgasm by myself or with partner

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  • Frustrated, cannot achieve orgasm by myself or with partner


    Have questions about vibrator use or loss of sensitivity?

    We have more answers!

    Read our full article, “Can Vibrators Desensitize Or Damage My Clitoris, Or Vagina?” here:

    https://www.womens-health.com/desensitized-clitoris


    i am female, 24, and have never had an orgasm without using a vibrator, electronic toothbrush, or special showerhead. for years this has really weighed on my confidence in myself, which i already struggle with sometimes. i am on my third long term relationship, we have been together for a year and he is the first person i have been with that i am really attracted to. we are very deeply in love, and he has put in a lot of work to improve himself and our relationship, which makes me even more attracted and in love with him. now it is my turn, because my confidence issues are really putting strain on our relationship.
    i have tendencies to become very negative, particularly towards myself, sometimes for days at a time. sometimes i feel like i really dont deserve him, that i really dont deserve anything. i have a feeling this inadequacy stems from sexual frustration and inability.
    i was a late bloomer and didnt start masturbating until i was 14, and even then didnt know what i was doing or how to achieve orgasm. when i was 17 my bf bought me a vibrator and i experienced my first orgasm. i also watched some porn at the time, but very rarely found anything that wouldnt immediately turn me off, even less that actuallly seemed arousing to me. the only time i could achieve orgasm during sex was in one boring position, using a vibrator, which always seems to get in the way and was loud and awkward and difficult and i would just rather not have to do that. plus it felt forced and unnatural. i do not want to ask my current bf to do this with me, it would be too awkward and embarrassing for me, and he already feels inadequate sometimes because he cant get me off. but how can he be expected to, when i cant even get myself off? when i try with my hands or a dildo or anything besides clitoral vibration, it feels good for a while and i can even feel like i am close, but then it dies down and after an hour of trying i am so frustrated i dont even feel turned on anymore. in bed, my bf is **very** skilled, and well equipped, and has a lot of experience making women come. i love when he dominates me and does whatever he wants to me, it feels great and is fun and satisfying, but i always feel a little jealous at how easy it is for him to come. i wish we could come together! and i know that deep down, he doesnt like being the dominant one. and deep down, i want to dominate him, to be confident and strong and tell him exactly what i want, and have him lovingly obey. but i do not know what it is that i want. and i do not know how to be confident, especially not in bed... i feel like a frustrated little child that wants SOMETHING, very badly, but has no idea what it is. i have thrown away my vibrator, and have moved to a house with a regular showerhead, i do NOT want to be dependent on those things. i want to be independent, to take care of myself, i just do not know how...
    Last edited by Alison H.; 12-04-2020, 06:54 PM.

  • Well all I can say Mousey girl you are putting way to much pressure on yourself with all this. Just be honest with your boy friend if he loves you like you say he does. Plus you love him then he will understand your issue you having with orgasming with him. But to make a relationship work, you need to be able to communicate with him or you will never get over your issue with BF that could ruin your relationship with him so good luck. You will figure it all out with time.
    When out driving always turn left. Then, should you become lost, you can find your way home by reversing the procedure and always turning right.

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    • I used to have confidence problems and i couldn't orgasm as well. But when i dealt with it, i managed to open up and be really free and then the orgasms started coming.

      Comment


      • There's no easy solution to a problem like this. Telling someone to "just relax" or "be confident" without giving them the tools to do that is like a doctor telling you "You've got a broken arm," without setting it.
        First step **might** be to show your bf what you posted here, and take the pressure off him to satisfy you. Think about how much fun you can have working on this together!!

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