[atskitty2]

So...this is difficult to ask for feedback on, but I simply don't know what to think.

As most of you regulars know, I've struggled building lasting relationships and finding my way since a divorce. Nothing seems to last beyond a few weeks.

So I've been approaching dating and relationships from different angles, just having fun and being open to new experiences and people.

It isn't top priority, so not a lot of time is spent with this. Now, I've taken another step outside my comfort zone, and it's left me with more questions about myself and my self evaluation skills.

I was out with a guy friend for dinner and then drinks this past Monday. A man sat down near us that I found immediately attractive, which doesnt often happen. My friend told me he was checking me out hard too...

So before we left, I wrote my name and number on a paper drink napkin and put it in his space.
He texted immediately and told me he was instantly attracted too, and his name...

We ended up meeting later that night, for another drink and ultimately wound up at his place...I had told him no sex. lol
He said fine, he wasn't out on the hunt, just grabbing dinner and meeting me at all was a treat.

We kissed and fooled around and I thought I may have sex, but he had no condoms anyway. so we messed around, wrestling and tickling and giggling and just goofing off. We fell asleep together and I left very early to get home to my dogs. He said next time just bring them so we can have breakfast together.

OK. So, we agree to meet the next night too, it was hot again, and he still had no condoms...so no sex again. I ended up giving him a BJ, and then he gave me THE MOST amazing, hour-long back massage ever, aside from a professional. He worked out the tension and knots as well as anyone. He offered me oral sex or whatever I wanted but I declined all but the back massage.

I didn't stay the night this time, for my dog's sake...
I asked him if he'd like to come to my place before work this week. I hinted at the sex going further, without actually saying so.
he agreed.

Then, he has not followed through. I texted him yesterday just a hey, how's your day thing, he answered but made no attempt to further conversation.

I can't help but think wtf? What is wrong with me that I can't even make a meaningless relationship happen??? lol
Am I really so lost that I cannot even develop a relationship of a sexual nature?

I'm kinda lighthearted about this, but on some level it genuinely bugs me...that I failed at the most basic thing. lol

I'm an attractive girl. Was the BJ that bad?? I advised him I'm out of practice.lol He didn't seem to have any issues....

Part of me wonders if he actually wanted to date me...and thinks sex was all I wanted...

genuinely confused.
What is wrong with my approach?

[jns]

Nothing was wrong with your approach. Give it time. He may have things to do. Alternately, there seems to be a thing going around these days that has the guy not being too eager. Part of the hook up culture. Did you establish that he was single without complications? Maybe you being up front a bit threw him off of his game. Dating these days seems to have a lot of complicated rules.

[amy40]

Part of me wonders if he actually wanted to date me...

It's been a while since dating but when did date, there were no cell phones, so no texting. A guy would ask you out, go somewhere, then bring you back home. If the guy wanted to go out again, he'd call. Don't remember me ever calling a guy. Thinking really hard and don't remember making plans to meet anyone anywhere, think I was always picked up.

Have to admit, if was dating now, would expect the same thing, to be courted, taken places, and brought back home. Maybe, I'm old fashioned?

[atskitty2]

thanks jns. yes, and I don't understand the rules of the game or why we're even playing I guess.

I decided I was just going to msg him and ask for feedback. Told him I get the impression that he doesn't wanna see me again, and asked if he's willing to share why, stating I am not looking to change his mind, and I just genuinely want to understand what I may be doing that turns people off.

I figured I have nothing to lose at that point...lol and maybe I will get some insight.

He messaged back quickly saying he'd been busy, and that he's at work and would message after work. I said ok.

I had asked if he had a girlfriend, he said he's 3 months out of a long-term relationship, so nothing there. He later used that as a reason for having no condoms, which I thought was reasonable.
They didn't use them.

He told me he thought my ballsy approach was pretty hot and that he'd never had anyone do that. He said he was surprised after we talked that I'm actually a really nice girl, and he'd not expected that. We talked about dating and he assured me he'd already done the rebound thing after the breakup. I said 3 months isn't long to recover from a 3 year relationship. He said he agreed, just that the immediate phase was over, he's moving on.

So, we will see. I am just looking to learn smth here.

[atskitty2]

Amy I am too, and that's why I struggle so much...I'm 44 and things have changed so dramatically. So much BS around the whole thing. cat and mouse games, teasing and playing peekaboo are just a few games we play.

[atskitty2]

So he did actually message after work, at nearly 3am. He said he'd put in 12 hrs in the shop and then picked up take out and gone home.
We just chatted by text a few minutes.

He's starting his own business, so the hours are not surprising.

So, we'll see what happens. Not holding my breath.