[DjPrincess]

My fiance has been having trouble keeping an erection for the past 6 months to a year. He says he's not really in the mood, or he's tired or he says he needs the foreplay to really get in the mood. He feels really bad about this and I try to be as supportive as I can but im getting tired of this situation.
Mostly I am the one initiating sex so it sucks that i get rejected a lot of the times, I don't know what else to do.
He says he doesnt really masturbates but he also doesnt look for me to initiate sex.
He works out and takes gym supplements so not sure if any of these are affecting his libido.
Any advice/ suggestions are welcome.

[muffin70]

there are many things that can affect a mans ability to get and maintain an erection - things like diabetes or other health problems, nervousness, stress.....
Does he have a very stressful job? does he think / worry about getting an erection? are you putting too much pressure on him?
if he says he needs more foreplay then you should try that, but if he is not in the mood much and rejects your sexual advances, then maybe he has some sort of problem / issue that is affecting him?
Perhaps you should go with him to see a doctor and get advice? They may suggest something like Viagra or Cialis to help, but I'd talk to the doctor about it with him

[WaveRider]

DjPrincess,

Don't sweat it. I've told women that they can use my erection, but they can't keep it.

It's my sense of humor again.

Women have told me that many middle aged men have ED issues.

I've heard and read that women are impetus of men getting ED prescriptions. It wouldn't surprise me. I'm lucky. I don't have ED issues. However, I can't keep up with my girlfriend. She can literally have sex for hours. She has asked me to get a script for Cialis. She wants me serviceable for 2 hours.

[WaveRider]

Good Morning, muffin70,

You're right on the money. ED often arises out of consequences of taking other meds.

My g/f told me that her ex-husband was taking various prescription meds. She said he could never become as hard as did before taking meds, and she had to work overtime to get him to cum. She told me that when she gave him head, the meds caused his cum to taste worse than caca.

About couple weeks ago my g/f was giving me head and had me right there when her cell phone rang. She has an annoying ring tone. That distraction did minor erectile damage. She had to put in extra time to get the job done.

Unless we're watching porn, I work better with no distractions. And I want to be able to hear her sighs and moans indicating that what I'm doing is what I oughta be doing.

[WaveRider]

DjPrincess,

No levity. I promise.

I've just remembered this. At my age, I can guarantee one. Two is a bonus. A few years ago, my g/f wanted her brains banged out again. I told her it wasn't in the cards or in our bed. She began playing with my pleasure probe with minor positive movement. She began giving me head. I couldn't believe it, she had me cutting diamonds within a couple minutes. She's repeated her skills more than a few times, mostly to success.

Her considerable sexual experiences have developed and honed her considerable sexual skills.

[Ashlee T.]

Welcome to WH! I can relate to your frustration as the same has happened to me before. Here is the big difference in my situation and yours though, in mine, he WANTED sex, initiated it even, but could not maintain an erection during. He stopped masturbating and nothing helped. He was either flaccid during sex or ejaculated within seconds of beginning. It was EXTREMELY frustrating. I think it had to do with his blood pressure. And also, once it became an issue then he had a mental block (complex) too. Knock on wood (pun intended), it hasn't been an issue since he started working out more, eating much healthier, etc.

The difference for you is that he's acting totally uninterested. I think this is a huge red flag, especially if you're planning to spend the rest of your life with this person. First and foremost, he needs to see a doctor and have a physical, including having his testosterone levels checked. He HAS to be willing to do this and needs to understand how critical this is. This isn't just about intercourse, it is about you feeling rejected and unattractive and unwanted by the man you're planning to marry.

If his T levels are normal and cholesterol and BP are pretty normal, then you're going to have to consider that this may just be a compatibility issue. Either way, please do not marry this man until you've resolved this issue.

[DjPrincess]

Thanks for all the advice and stories, its nice to hear its not uncommon for couples to have issues in bed.
My wedding is still more than a year away so im hoping by then to have this problem in the past.
Whenever my fiance initiates he sometimes says "Oh today its not going down" so i can tell he really wants it, however he doesnt initiate often.
Now that you mention blood pressure his doctor did say recently it was slightly low, not for concerned but he thought it was weird.
I would look into going to see a doctor just to rule out causes.
Thanks again

[muffin70]

Unless we're watching porn, I work better with no distractions. And I want to be able to hear her sighs and moans indicating that what I'm doing is what I oughta be doing.

I am the same.... we listen to talk back radio in the evenings as we're going to bed and if sex is on the cards, then the first thing I'll do it turn the radio off... I don't like music / TV or anything else spoiling the mood.

[Texasred]

DJ, another medicine that will ruin erections is the antihistamine pseudoephedrine hcl; in fact, it is used to treat priapism. I discovered it's ill effects by accident several years ago. :-((
There may also be other allergy meds that have the same effect, and I recently found blood pressure meds have a similar effect.

[Hilaolmos]

My husband had erectile problems. And from my experience never-ever use viagra. In my case, it resulted in severe damage to the inner ear. Then we switched to healthy life style/sport treatment. And he bought these herbal drugs (link removed), And after about year of treatment, all normalized. And there were mood improvement and rise in general energy as well