[Stillness]

Don't give up. Can you gently share how it makes you feel when he turns you down? Does you understand that you have an immediate and pressing need for attention? You may need to make it clear to him.

[amy40]

he exercised last night, that added to his being tired

[amy40]

xxxxxxx

[Lexhill]

going back in this forum you will see that I have that problem of always have to initiate. I long for the day my wife wants to give me the pleasure of her initiating. I believe it might be the person who has the strongest sex drive usually initiates.

[jns]

I believe it might be the person who has the strongest sex drive usually initiates.

Who initiates can also be due to societal rules and it can also be due to personal preferences. Societal rules in most traditional, patriarchal societies would dictate that the man always initiates. Modern societies may actually turn this around where the woman should initiate as a sign of leadership and independence, Personal preference may come into play where a person who is the boss at work comes home and actually prefers that their partner initiates.

[CapeCRunner]

Is it unusual for the woman to be the one to mostly initiate and/or schedule sex in the marriage?

I don't think it's unusual, but I know what you mean about probably wanting it to be more 50/50. There was a period of time and I actually think I might've posted on here about it, that I was never initiating sex (it was while I was pregnant for our second child, but during the first pregnancy I was like come on baby let's go!)... so I was kind of confused by my own lack of initiation and my husband was always the one initiating sex during that time... he definitely started to open up to me and asked me why, if everything was okay, etc. We had a good talk and things eventually got back to normal where I was initiating it again too because I wanted to... so maybe if you haven't addressed it directly try doing that... it may ease your mind to hear his honest, open feelings

[jns]

I don't think it's unusual, but I know what you mean about probably wanting it to be more 50/50. There was a period of time and I actually think I might've posted on here about it, that I was never initiating sex (it was while I was pregnant for our second child, but during the first pregnancy I was like come on baby let's go!)... so I was kind of confused by my own lack of initiation and my husband was always the one initiating sex during that time... he definitely started to open up to me and asked me why, if everything was okay, etc. We had a good talk and things eventually got back to normal where I was initiating it again too because I wanted to... so maybe if you haven't addressed it directly try doing that... it may ease your mind to hear his honest, open feelings

Probably your hormones had a lot to do with whether you were initiating during pregnancy.

[Texasred]

Is it unusual for the woman to be the one to mostly initiate and/or schedule sex in the marriage?

Not unusual: I've given up initiating, since if she's not "in the mood," I get a flat rejection, and there's only so many of those you can take.
So in our home, she is *always* the one to initiate things, some times more subtly than others:
Sometimes it's by her wearing something sexy to bed, sometimes she'll simply put a Cialis pill beside my dinner plate - and sometimes she'll just turn out the bedroom light and reach over to grab my package - I really do need to tell her that the grabbing and squeezing thing is *not* the most erotic approach...
And I've found it;s always on a 12 - 14 day cycle; must be some hormonal thing going on here. If it's been 13 days since her last approach, I just go ahead and take a "Vitamin 'C'"
Last time I suggested things, though, she even said, "Sorry, it hasn't been 14 days yet!"
This is still a huge improvement over when it used to be about a 60 day cycle...
But I wonder at her automatic assumption that when *she* is ready, I have to be.

[jns]

But I wonder at her automatic assumption that when **she** is ready, I have to be.

"Now I know I should say no, But that's kind of hard when she's ready to go"

"Self Esteem" by The Offspring

[Stillness]

"Now I know I should say no, But that's kind of hard when she's ready to go"

"Self Esteem" by The Offspring

So dysfunctional.

I love that song! Nice connection.