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Not experienced enough?

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  • Not experienced enough?

    My boyfriend and I have been experiencing a bit of a sexual rut lately. We had a talk about it last night, and he mentioned that it's hard for him, because he's used to dating girls with much more experience than I have. (He is one of my first sexual partners) I'm nervous to try new things, because I'm afraid of being awkward. Do you have any advice on how to get over the awkwardness, and what to do to seem more experienced?

  • This is a tough one because honestly, I think it's something most of us women go through. I was in my late twenties before I started becoming truly sexually confident. Before then, I was more submissive, not totally comfortable in my own skin, etc. Actually, it took dating someone who I was very close friends with (and already comfortable with) and who acted as if he worshipped every inch of my body, flaws and all, before I truly "let go". I think it takes experience yes...but being with someone you're incredibly comfortable with helps too.

    I found that watching porn (Yes....porn!) helped me in terms of learning new things to try, and it definitely helped my oral performance. NOT the movie/cheesy type but the more amateur home video type.

    Not all men, but probably the average man like a mixture of submissive and dominance behaviors in women when it comes to sex. Sometimes they want to be the boss. Other times, they want you to take charge. And it's not just something that happens when you're in the bedroom. I make it a habit of grabbing, touching, or even playfully just poking on him (in his happy place. ) quite often as a reminder that I haven't forgotten "it" is there. It also makes him laugh and makes him feel very wanted. Some men might find that annoying, but mine quite likes it. lol. Sometimes when on top, grab his arms and hold them up above his head while you look him in the eyes.

    It seems to me like most men aren't looking for a show. They're not expecting fancy lingerie and a strip tease (though they wouldn't decline it). They just want raw, natural, uninhibited sex. They want you to be comfortable enough to spread it open and say "Hungry?" They just want raw sexual passion. Really.........just like we do.

    Side question, but an important one: Have you ever had an actual orgasm?

    "Be what you're looking for."

    Comment


    • I have not... and I know that's probably part of the reason our sexual chemistry is lacking...

      Comment


      • Originally posted by Nervygirlfriend View Post
        My boyfriend and I have been experiencing a bit of a sexual rut lately. We had a talk about it last night, and he mentioned that it's hard for him, because he's used to dating girls with much more experience than I have. (He is one of my first sexual partners) I'm nervous to try new things, because I'm afraid of being awkward. Do you have any advice on how to get over the awkwardness, and what to do to seem more experienced?
        Good Morning, Nervygirlfriend,

        How old is your b/f? He has to me old enough to not be an inconsiderate moron. If he's told you that he's used to dating sexually experienced girls, you might want to tell him that you're used to dating men with manners.

        Awkward advice: communication! Talk before sex and during sex. This will require a lot of trust, and were I you, I'm not so sure I's trust your b/f. I'm not sure he's mature enough to listen to you without judgment.

        When I began my last longterm relationship, we'd talk sex all the time, mostly over dinner and wine. She told me what she liked and didn't like. Before we made it to a bed, I knew that she was extremely sexual experience, of which I was beneficiary. She had have to gained her sexual skills heuristically. She has had many, many sex partners. But what she's done before she met me is none of my business. The point is open sexual communication without judgments, which requires complete trust, will improve your sex lives.

        I'll be honest with you: if your b/f is that much of an egotistical jerk to compare your sexual ability to his sexual conquests (probably not true), he probably has social skills deficiency, which would indicate that your time with him will be short. I hope you meet a dude who's self-confident and secure that he'll treat you like Cinderella.

        There is no irony. My g/f, especially when she's had a glass or more too many, will talk about sex in graphic terms. But she's not comparing me to them. As modestly as I can convey this: she's told me many times that I'm the best sex she's ever had. She reminisce about her youth by remembering guys she's dated, who had treated her well, and who had probably used her for sex.

        Comment


        • Nervygirlfriend - Girl, you're just not comfortable with him. Part of that could certainly be experience, but it could also just be the relationship you're in. I too have been in relationships with men (boys) who compared me with others, and it truly did give me a complex, at least a temporary one. I remember one who I was totally crazy about telling me I needed to gain some weight because he liked women a little "more curvy". I was in my early 20's. I hadn't even grown into myself yet (curvy isn't an issue these days. Lol!). But it impacted me to the point I felt like a skinny (I wasn't too skinny, btw) ugly, string bean. Because this guy loved me.......so why would he say that if it weren't true? That was my thought process at that time But I was WRONG. Anyway, I couldn't possibly be comfortable with him after that. I never felt good enough.

          WaveRider is right in regards to your boyfriends behavior. He might have not said it in an ugly way, but he made you feel inferior with his words, didn't he? A man who loves YOU, will work with you to expand your horizons in a natural and comfortable way. He will help you to open up over time. He will nurture your confidence and self worth to the point that you even forget your own flaws at times because you FEEL so beautiful to them. That is when you'll relax. That is when you'll achieve orgasm. That is when you'll find your inner sexual goddess/vixen.
          "Be what you're looking for."

          Comment


          • Thanks, Beautiful Disaster, for your support of my post to Nervygirlfriend.

            Nervygirlfriend, never allow any dude to inveigle or coerce you in to dong anything with which you're not comfortable. A real man will never ask you to compromise your morality. A real man will protect and defend your morality. I'm good with a man asking a woman to do something (it's usually anal sex). If she says no, that should be the end of it.

            Males who brag about their sexual conquests are not men. Men never brag or talk about numbers. They might talk about former girlfriends, but not in terms of sex.

            Males who brag about numbers are almost always BS'ers.

            A man will never ask you about your sexual past unless there's a good reason: have you ever had sex with an intravenous drug abuser? However, there would have to be an indication before asking such a question. Where your health is concerned, do not be afraid to ask. Intravenous drug abusers are high risk for HIV.

            I've never asked the woman I'm seeing about her sexual past. However, she loves sex and wine. When she has had a couple glasses too many, she will talk about her sexual history. She also knows that I'd never judge her, and what she's done before we began dating was none of my business. She trusts me to keep between us what she tells me of a personal nature. When she's more than half-lit, there's no predicting what she'll say. The point is only an insecure male will want to know of your sexual history. It's none of his business unless there is realistic risk of disease.

            Nervygirlfriend, I wish you the absolute best. Never settle when you deserve the best.

            Comment


            • I don't necessarily think what your boyfriend said is completely out of line, I'd have to Know more context. I actually do applaud you both for having an open honest discussion and attempting to work through it..

              Confidence may be what is lacking, and passion. How is the relationship otherwise?
              Do you have orgasms alone?

              How old are you and how long have you been together?

              Comment


              • Nervygirlfriend,

                Here's some advice: gain experience. That oughta make your b/f happy, if you keep him. While you're out gaining experience, there's a good possibility that you'll run across a man who authentically loves you, which would leave the jerk with whom you're now hanging without a girlfriend, which means he'll be experiencing jacking off a lot more.

                Your boyfriend is either stupid (there's no polite version of stupid & it can't be fixed) or he lacks basic interpersonal etiquette.

                I expect women in my age range to be sexually experienced. I do not want to have to teach a woman how to do any sex act. She ought to have it wired. But were I to come across a woman who's been a sexless marriage or she's otherwise were lacking skills, I'd sure as hell would never demean her. When we're comfortable with each other and out of a bedroom, I'd talk to her about sex. The most important point to convey is she can ask or do anything in bed she wants (there is a limit), w/o judgment. Even if she were to ask me to do something that would violate my morals, I'd very politely refuse. I'm ask here if there were another way that she could have what she wanted that didn't violate my morals.

                My g/f's very naive ex-husband demeaned her a few times during sex. She's never forgotten it. And what she asked him to do was totally normal: cum on her breasts, cum on her face, etc. There was a huge sex skills disparity between the two of them. She had a whole lot of it, he had next to none. Instead of learning new skills that he'd of enjoyed, his adolescent pride forced him to demean her rather than saying, "Tell me where you want it and get ready for it."

                One last point: guys who brag about sex are usually insecure and don't get a lot of it. I can hang with that. I'm not good with guys judging women's sexual skills and experiences. Such guys need to keep their mouths shut. And only girly men would violate a woman's trust; e.g., reveal her sex secrets to others.That's an unforgivable sin. Guys who post revenge porn ought to be castrated.

                Comment


                • Men who are more experienced should either 1) find a woman who meets or exceeds their experience level, or 2) have patience and willingness to show their inexperienced lover new ways and rock their world.

                  Sounds like yours is an impatient ***. SOMEONE along the way had patience and taught him things or he learned from porn or somewhere. His expectations are outside of his scope as a reciprocal lover in my opinion.

                  Comment


                  • Originally posted by Nervygirlfriend View Post
                    Do you have any advice on how to get over the awkwardness, and what to do to seem more experienced?
                    Yes, and I'll keep it short and simple: find a man who is not a mannerless jerk.
                    It may take a while, but it'll be worth the wait; maybe you two can learn together, which is great fun!

                    Comment

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