I am a 25 years old female and I moved in with my boyfriend about 10 months ago. Initially we used to have really good sex but with the passage of time,it became history. He constantly watches porn and masturbates about once or twice everyday.Due to this,I have observed that we don't have sex often as we used to. Initially we used to have sex twice a day. We don't even kiss because I smoke cigarettes and he can't stand the smell or taste of tobacco; though he told me in the past that this is how he used to treat his ex when she used to smoke and promised me that he won't treat me that way. Anyway, hoping to change things, I used to pop mints after smoking cigarettes but still, he won't kiss me. I observed some sort of withdrawal in his behaviour.So, few days ago,I confronted him and asked him what's the matter. He said that he feels that I focus on him more than my life and my work and I concentrate on how often we have sex and stuff. He said that if possible I would wanna cuddle him all day along. I felt that he insulted my emotions. I work from home and have very few friends that I meet occasionally. I am an orphan with no siblings. I spend most of my time at home and go out couple of times in a week and therefore I am available at home most of the time. I spend most of my time with this one person that I love the most and I feel like I am being taken for granted. He is a maker engineer and he recently got promotede as a director of a new company due to which he's stressed out most of the time and he is boss is a very manipulating lady. I understand all of that and try not to distract him if and when he's working.
Offlate, he yells at me all the time, for the silliest thing in the world and when I start crying he preaches me more and then asks me to stop crying. He says that he is still interested in me , he loves me and he still wants to be with me. On the other hand, I have doubts that he is having an affair with his ex. He was in a casual relationship for 2 years or more with his ex before we met and I remember once he said something about being stuck in an bad relationship just because the sex was so good. He's still in touch with his ex and her friends (pretends not be in touch with the ex).Last Friday, he offered a job to one of his ex's bestie and told her that she can visit his parents place at New Jersey if in case she would be stranded anyday. When he got off the phone after talking to her, he told me about this "friend" he hired at work but didn't care to tell me enough about who is this "friend".
Again,he used to go to clubs with his ex and pick up girls and have threesomes or find girls on okcupid. I accept that I am a shy brown Indian girl who's not in to such adventurous stuff but I try my best in every little and major ways to stand by my man and take care of him and tend to his needs like a devoted wife. His ex was from an influential background and she works for a reputable magazine as a director and editor. On the other hand I come from a middle class background and I started working when I was 16. I have no heirlooms left behind by my parents and I ended up burning holes in my pocket in my previous relationship. I am a cosplayer and a ghost writer by profession, I make enough money to meet ends and I am not yet sure of what career path to chose in my life. I don't really feel good about myself given previous instances in the past where my boyfriend was singing praises about his ex and her influence and that he placed more emphasis on her feelings towards him and their past over my feelings and our relationship. After having a buch of arguements,he stopped talking about his ex only to reverse gender and tell me her stories. Again, he's into checking out butts and it was a thing him and his ex used to do. But when we go to any public place and if I happen to notice him checking out asses,I feel so ****ed,insecure and unconfident about my body. He defends himself by saying that he's attracted to nice butts and encourages me to squat.
At the same time, he changed my life in so many ways. I experienced so many first time stuff with him like that time when he taught me how to swim. Or the other time when he helped me with a loan to buy a laptop and online courses for which I paid off completely in instalments. He keeps motivating me to live life at the fullest but at the same time he also breaks me down by being judgemental.
I dont know if it's a cultural gap or communication gap in between us. I never get to touch or access his phone and he neither touches my phones. However he's a programmer and a coder and I am pretty sure that he snoops in my phone and my laptop. Now,I stand in a place powerless not knowing or understanding what's going on behind my back. All I hear is he loves me and he's into me but when it comes to intimacy,that's not the case. Once in a blue moon he does something sweet for me but that still doesn't make me feel good about myself. I feel retro jealous and I feel that he's cushioning me. When he gets angry he punches the wall these days and I get really scared to be around him. I keep crying all the time atleast couple of times in a day. I am sexually frustrated and we had sec only three times in the last thirty days or more. Today I tried to masturbate but something stirred deep inside and I started crying, pitying myself for watching some crap online and trying to climax while I have a boyfriend who masturbasted in his bedroom this morning while I was doing yoga in the dining room. So was the case last night when I was working on my cosplay project.
At times, I feel like having a fling with someone for the sake of pleasure but then I feel and acknowledge that he's one of the best boyfriend I have ever had and my heart gets filled with guilt for having such thoughts.i feel like my heart keeps shrinking day by day and I stand here helplessly not knowing what to do and how to save this relationship.
I have an event to attend in next four days and a whole costume to be done at hand. I can't focus on work because I feel so sad and bad about myself. Everyone else adores me and thinks I am charming and stuff but I am not getting any the love that I crave for from my boyfriend. I need to focus on my project but I keep thinking about this issue and I am not able to perform well and stay on schedule. What should I do!
Offlate, he yells at me all the time, for the silliest thing in the world and when I start crying he preaches me more and then asks me to stop crying. He says that he is still interested in me , he loves me and he still wants to be with me. On the other hand, I have doubts that he is having an affair with his ex. He was in a casual relationship for 2 years or more with his ex before we met and I remember once he said something about being stuck in an bad relationship just because the sex was so good. He's still in touch with his ex and her friends (pretends not be in touch with the ex).Last Friday, he offered a job to one of his ex's bestie and told her that she can visit his parents place at New Jersey if in case she would be stranded anyday. When he got off the phone after talking to her, he told me about this "friend" he hired at work but didn't care to tell me enough about who is this "friend".
Again,he used to go to clubs with his ex and pick up girls and have threesomes or find girls on okcupid. I accept that I am a shy brown Indian girl who's not in to such adventurous stuff but I try my best in every little and major ways to stand by my man and take care of him and tend to his needs like a devoted wife. His ex was from an influential background and she works for a reputable magazine as a director and editor. On the other hand I come from a middle class background and I started working when I was 16. I have no heirlooms left behind by my parents and I ended up burning holes in my pocket in my previous relationship. I am a cosplayer and a ghost writer by profession, I make enough money to meet ends and I am not yet sure of what career path to chose in my life. I don't really feel good about myself given previous instances in the past where my boyfriend was singing praises about his ex and her influence and that he placed more emphasis on her feelings towards him and their past over my feelings and our relationship. After having a buch of arguements,he stopped talking about his ex only to reverse gender and tell me her stories. Again, he's into checking out butts and it was a thing him and his ex used to do. But when we go to any public place and if I happen to notice him checking out asses,I feel so ****ed,insecure and unconfident about my body. He defends himself by saying that he's attracted to nice butts and encourages me to squat.
At the same time, he changed my life in so many ways. I experienced so many first time stuff with him like that time when he taught me how to swim. Or the other time when he helped me with a loan to buy a laptop and online courses for which I paid off completely in instalments. He keeps motivating me to live life at the fullest but at the same time he also breaks me down by being judgemental.
I dont know if it's a cultural gap or communication gap in between us. I never get to touch or access his phone and he neither touches my phones. However he's a programmer and a coder and I am pretty sure that he snoops in my phone and my laptop. Now,I stand in a place powerless not knowing or understanding what's going on behind my back. All I hear is he loves me and he's into me but when it comes to intimacy,that's not the case. Once in a blue moon he does something sweet for me but that still doesn't make me feel good about myself. I feel retro jealous and I feel that he's cushioning me. When he gets angry he punches the wall these days and I get really scared to be around him. I keep crying all the time atleast couple of times in a day. I am sexually frustrated and we had sec only three times in the last thirty days or more. Today I tried to masturbate but something stirred deep inside and I started crying, pitying myself for watching some crap online and trying to climax while I have a boyfriend who masturbasted in his bedroom this morning while I was doing yoga in the dining room. So was the case last night when I was working on my cosplay project.
At times, I feel like having a fling with someone for the sake of pleasure but then I feel and acknowledge that he's one of the best boyfriend I have ever had and my heart gets filled with guilt for having such thoughts.i feel like my heart keeps shrinking day by day and I stand here helplessly not knowing what to do and how to save this relationship.
I have an event to attend in next four days and a whole costume to be done at hand. I can't focus on work because I feel so sad and bad about myself. Everyone else adores me and thinks I am charming and stuff but I am not getting any the love that I crave for from my boyfriend. I need to focus on my project but I keep thinking about this issue and I am not able to perform well and stay on schedule. What should I do!
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