[Timduncan]

So my my girlfriend and I are happy with our sexual lives except for the fact that she cannot reach an orgasm. She gets extremely close but right before it happens she says that it becomes too sensitive and tells me to stop. We've tried just pushing past the sensitivenss but then it becomes uncomfortable and I have to stop anyways. We do not actually have sex yet so all the stimulation is from hand and mouth. Basically we can't figure out why she can't cross the point of having an orgasm because she seemingly gets so close. I have tried a fair amount of different techniques and none have worked. I've tried different speeds in different combinations, using oral, fingering, clitoral, and it's always the same end result. I've tried getting her close, stopping, and then working her close again, doing that three times with no success. I spend a ton of time with foreplay, I tease her and really work her up before I actually touch her. I've bought KY cream for her which she really likes but it didn't help her have an orgasm either. We've tried for a long time (multiple years) and she has never been able to reach one. It's incredibly frustrating for her which makes it very frustrating for me too. Does anyone have any thoughts/experience with this? We've tried what seems like everything other than actual sex which I've read is less likely to give an orgasm than other stimulation. She gets much closer with clitoral stimulation than fingering too which makes me feel like that wouldn't be the solution. I've read that a vibrator could help but I want to be able to do it with just my own body if at all possible.

So any help here would be much appreciated so I can get her to an orgasm. Thank you all in advance.

[checkers]

From my experience, once the floodgates were open, orgasms were no problem. With my first boyfriend I did not have one for 2.5 years we were together. My first one ever was with a vibrator and since I have broken past that point, I have no issue having them with sex. I can only go on top though usually. There has been a rare occasion where I have gone with him on top (like twice in 10 years rare). I usually need a decent amount of foreplay before, then I can come 9/10 times on top. I actually can never come with just or hand stimulation, that's probably not unusual. Everyone is different! I have some friends who have never had orgasms in their lives.

[WaveRider]

From my experience, once the floodgates were open, orgasms were no problem. With my first boyfriend I did not have one for 2.5 years we were together. My first one ever was with a vibrator and since I have broken past that point, I have no issue having them with sex. I can only go on top though usually. There has been a rare occasion where I have gone with him on top (like twice in 10 years rare). I usually need a decent amount of foreplay before, then I can come 9/10 times on top. I actually can never come with just or hand stimulation, that's probably not unusual. Everyone is different! I have some friends who have never had orgasms in their lives.

Can you cum during oral sex?

[jns]

What checkers said about getting the first one may be the way for some women. This can also be the case with men. I was OK with the first woman I had sex with but was overexcited with the second one (who I considered to be very pretty) so I got close but then suffered shrinkage. I was much more comfortable with the third one and did not have problems.

Working her close three times was fine, but maybe you should alter your technique a bit to ease the frustration that probably both you and her are tuned in on. I would say to not quit, rather back off a lot. Further, do not get her close on the first few times. Get her part of the way and then back off a lot and slowly go at it again after a few minutes of concentrating anywhere but her clitoris. You can even get her in a state of anticipation by randomly kissing, massaging, brushing and licking various parts that turn her on such as inner thighs, stomach, neck, ears, breasts, etc. If it takes four or five surges to get her over, then spend the time and do it. Don't be mechanical or clinical. Add some mystery to what you are going to do next. Consider it an adventure instead of a hurdle.

To help her get in the mood, consider enhancing the setting by exciting her other senses. Add a perfume or scent that she finds intriguing and sexy. Add music that she finds sexy. Consider projecting a scene from a movie that she finds sexy on the wall (sound is off - you already have music playing softly.) Everything to distract her on her way to the peak and over the other side. She should ride the waves of sensation instead of trying to force herself over the peak.

[checkers]

WaveRider - oral doesn't not do it for me. It gets me turned on but I have yet to go with that alone.

[checkers]

*does not

[Jessa1998]

WaveRider - oral doesn't not do it for me. It gets me turned on but I have yet to go with that alone.

Wow, not me! I get there every time with oral even if the person doing it isn't that great (I hooked up w/ a girl a little younger than me like a month ago at a party and she was even worse than most guys! haha usualy girls are WAY better). I don't orgasm with regular sex very much at all but I always always do with oral.

Everyone is so different!

[jns]

I hooked up w/ a girl a little younger than me like a month ago at a party and she was even worse than most guys! haha usualy girls are WAY better.

What were her problems? Timid? Too repetitive? Not repetitive enough? Wrong place? Not enjoying herself? Not picking up cues from you on what was working? Too brief? What?

[Jessa1998]

Not picking up cues from you on what was working?

Yeah, mostly that. When a girl gets all moaney (is that a word?! .. it should be) you know you're in the right spot! I still got there but it just took way longer. It was very definitely her 1st time and she was really timid too.

[jns]

Yeah, mostly that. When a girl gets all moaney (is that a word?! .. it should be) you know you're in the right spot! I still got there but it just took way longer. It was very definitely her 1st time and she was really timid too.

If she keeps working at it, she will eventually find a method that works on many if not most if she takes away lessons from each time. Everybody has to have had a first time. Did she like it when she finally got you there? For myself, watching her have an orgasm is my greatest reward.