[ANONYMOUS47]

im 33 and she is 31 we have been together over 12 years and have a great sex life we have sex at least once sometimes twice a day and she asks me for sex and even asks me to go down on her and is alot more confident and risk at places to have sex than i am but ive woken up during and found her fingering herself and playing with her boobs while im pretending to still be asleep is this normal for here to do i dont want to ask here about it as she got embarrased last time when i caught her playing with herself out the corner of my eye while we were having a movie night so dont really want to confront her yet please help

[atskitty2]

It could be normal and healthy for her to do so, or it could be that she's left unsatisfied, or lacking in some way. The only way to know for sure is to ask her. Some things to think about:

It seems that you have an active sex life together, and it could be that she just needs more. Is this a recent thing or have you known this for years?

It could also be that she just finds comfort in soothing herself that way, and has nothing to do with you or her sexual satisfaction. It may be a way to help her sleep.

How is your relationship otherwise? Do you communicate well and are you both pretty open about sharing feelings and thoughts?

You can ask her something without referencing your discovery. Just ask how satisfied she is sexually. What, if anything, she would like to change. Do so at a time when sex isn't on the table, or about to happen.

Based on your post, I'm not sure whether things are healthy or not, but it seems like she is just using it to soothe herself.

[ANONYMOUS47]

It could be normal and healthy for her to do so, or it could be that she's left unsatisfied, or lacking in some way. The only way to know for sure is to ask her. Some things to think about:

It seems that you have an active sex life together, and it could be that she just needs more. Is this a recent thing or have you known this for years?

It could also be that she just finds comfort in soothing herself that way, and has nothing to do with you or her sexual satisfaction. It may be a way to help her sleep.

How is your relationship otherwise? Do you communicate well and are you both pretty open about sharing feelings and thoughts?

You can ask her something without referencing your discovery. Just ask how satisfied she is sexually. What, if anything, she would like to change. Do so at a time when sex isn't on the table, or about to happen.

Based on your post, I'm not sure whether things are healthy or not, but it seems like she is just using it to soothe herself.

i appreciate the reply we do have an active sex life and communication is good she does get embarrassed about this like when i asked her about why she was masturbating during our movie night together she went bright red and didnt say much she has said when ive asked her to play with herself in front of me she finds it embarrassing but is happy to do anything else and ive never turned down any of her ideas like when she was horny of the way home from cinema and wanted to slip into an alley for a quicky which is not normally my sort of thing ive only noticed it recently as ive been having trouble sleeping in the last few weeks due to anxiety of moving to a new job and moving home

[Ashlee T.]

I'm trying to picture myself watching a movie with my bf on the couch and deciding that I could sneak and masturbate and him not know. It doesn't make sense that she'd be that out of touch with the moment. How would she think you would not notice that?

[ANONYMOUS47]

I'm trying to picture myself watching a movie with my bf on the couch and deciding that I could sneak and masturbate and him not know. It doesn't make sense that she'd be that out of touch with the moment. How would she think you would not notice that?

im not exactly the best at bieng observant ive had family round while ive being watching movies during the day and not even noticed they were their and i was sat in a chair not on the couch next to her she likes to lie down it was only because i was about to get up and get a drink and as i was going to turn my head to ask if she wanted a drink noticed movement and when i turned around i saw she had her hands in her pj trousers i normally have a big bottle of drink and 2 packs of popcorn and dont move for the whole movie this time she got unlucky

[Ashlee T.]

I can only speculate then that this is just something habitual she does as a soothing/relaxation technique.

[atskitty2]

It may be a comforting thing for her. That's how it seems to me. I also wondered about what BD asked.
Have you watched long enough to see if she orgasms? Or does she play awhile and stop?

I would think about asking her. If it were me, I'd ask...I'd want to know if my guy needed more from me. If it was truly just something he needed for himself, I'd be fine with it and respect his personal space. You know your relationship tho, and the level of intimacy you share. You could ask in a neutral, non threatening manner and she'd still be embarrassed. Or it could bring you closer, to be able to share this type of info.
I'm afraid if you don't get a reason, it will begin to affect your own confidence and make you question things, when in reality, it may have nothing to do with you.

[ANONYMOUS47]

It may be a comforting thing for her. That's how it seems to me. I also wondered about what BD asked.
Have you watched long enough to see if she orgasms? Or does she play awhile and stop?

I would think about asking her. If it were me, I'd ask...I'd want to know if my guy needed more from me. If it was truly just something he needed for himself, I'd be fine with it and respect his personal space. You know your relationship tho, and the level of intimacy you share. You could ask in a neutral, non threatening manner and she'd still be embarrassed. Or it could bring you closer, to be able to share this type of info.
I'm afraid if you don't get a reason, it will begin to affect your own confidence and make you question things, when in reality, it may have nothing to do with you.

i personally have no problem with her doing it if she enjoys it she usually plays for a while and stops and she will do it a few times during the night i will definitely considering asking her i just wasnt sure if it was something girls do on the sly anyway i would like to thank you for your advice

[atskitty2]

We're happy to help. It sounds like a comfort thing to me, for sure.

You can confirm it, that's the only way to know for sure, by asking. Or leave it, if you are concerned she'll feel you invaded her privacy. She may not even know for sure why she does it.
Keep us posted, and let us know if you want more thoughts or feedback. Others may post their feedback as well, so stay tuned

[jns]

You described an active sex life. Does she orgasm during most sex sessions? I ask because I wasn't sure she is getting the release that orgasm provides and may stay more sexually aroused because of that. Also, her sex drive may have increased as it sometimes does for women in their thirties.