[Who knows..]

Hi guys, I'm new to the site

Just stumbled across it really while googling 'my wife prefers/mastubates more than we have sex'

ok so like many blokes, it's an issue for me. I'll approach the wife while we're in bed but she doesn't fancy it. Too tired, the usual. But I'll later find she's used her vibrator/watched porn whatever. Wouldn't be a problem for me at all if she made an effort now and then to have sex but she doesn't

Of course as a typical man I'll mastubate too and I too think sex is sometimes an effort, but I'll make sure to try and make time for sex with my wife as I think the is healthy in a marriage/relationship. Unfortunately she doesn't offer the same. This seems to the case in a lot of relationships and marriages

So my point is this. If you don't make an effort to have sex with you boyfriend/husband, in my opinion, you risk him cheating on you

Why do men cheat? This would be one of the reasons. How do I know this? Because I did it myself to this very women I'm with now

My wife and I were first together when we were much younger and this really used to get to me. We'd have the usual chats/arguments about it but it never got anywhere. I bought the toys etc but nothing worked. I of course felt rejected and unhappy, build up resentment (and often told her this to no change) so I cheated on her. And many times. Ok I was much younger then (early 20s) but that's eventually why we drifted apart and split up. Another girl caught my eye and that was it

later her in life we met up again later down the line (which I'm very very grateful for)

I've not cheated on my now wife since we later got to back together and of course got married. I love her dearly and I'm very very happy, and I wouldn't play around now. I've grown up obviously too and too much to lose etc

But my point is this - if you do love your bloke very much and want to be with him. Take the time to have sex with him

It really is as simple as that

Dont make any effort whatsoever. Arguing about it. He's clearly showing signs of being unhappy about it - you risk him cheating on you

Why do mean cheat. Sex

Just my opinion on how I see as I can go on my own experience

[atskitty2]

I think men and women cheat for many different reasons, sex being one of them.

Your post reminded me of what I learned in religious teaching, growing up, and in Christian premarital counseling. Supposedly there's a Scripture advising wives that if they don't keep their husbands satisfied, it is giving permission to go elsewhere. That's what I was taught. No mention was made about him keeping me satisfied.

I think in general, keeping each other satisfied, staying intimate and connected in every way is important, keeping the friendship warm, it's all part of prioritizing the relationship. That's where I see so many couples fail.

[muffin70]

there are many reasons that men cheat....., sex probably being the main one... either they are not getting enough from their wife / partner, or it's not enjoyable as it was.....
I think communication is the key.... if you're not getting enough sexual satisfaction from your partner then tell her - have a talk about it and lay your feelings on the line.
I did this with my wife last year and she admitted as she nears 50 she is not in the mood as much as she was.... but also we often go to bed too late and that wasn't helping... but talking about it really helped.
unfortunately some men don't put the effort into talking to their wife / partner and will look for sex 'elsewhere'

[Who knows..]

Thanks for the replies

Well I've certainly done that. Tried to talk about it. Told her how I feel. My pride, feel rejected and upset. Lots and lots of times. All the talking often leads to no result. No improvement. No compromise, nothing

Also certainly not the case of I want to be satisfied but I won't satisfy you and of course told her so on many a many occasions. I absolutely would. Why wouldn't I if it led to more sex

And this is my point too. Many many many blokes have the exact sane problem. Just fobbed off. You try and communicate and get nothing

She obviously gets more satisfaction from mastubation and porn and I have no problem with that, if only she tried a bit more in bed with me

So that's where I'm it from my own personal experience. But I know I'm not alone. It's well known isn't it.

And so this is why I say, try a little harder in bed with him. Even Open yourselves to having a conversation about it. Communicate with him as he's opening up to yiu. Ignoring and rejecting him is no good point

If you don't, you risk losing him

[Who knows..]

Sorry, typo. Take off 'point' from last paragraph

[Who knows..]

Ps. We tell each other we love each other all of the time. We have a happy and varied lifestyle

[muffin70]

the problem you might have is if you keep trying to talk to her about it - it might turn her off more and make her less interested in sex with you
I'd just aske her straight out "why is it you prefer to masturbate alone and not make love with me"? and see what she says

the other thing you can do is if you see her on the bed masturbating, you can lie next to her and masturbate yourself....

[amy40]

How do I know this? Because I did it myself to this very women I'm with now
so I cheated on her. And many times.
I've not cheated on my now wife since we later got to back together and of course got married.

Welcome to the forum!

does your wife know you cheated on her before?

[Who knows..]

To muffin70

Tried that too. The softly softly approach

She doesn't masturbate in front of me. I just know she does as we sometimes share the iPad and I've noticed things on there shes watched

I think it's just one of those things. In my opinion, The average male has more sex drive than the average woman. Most couples will compromise and work something out. Or you way things up in your mind so you accept it

My point is that some men just won't. So some men will take an another route with another woman - particularly if they feel hurt by the constant rejection they receive.

[amy40]

. So some men will take an another route with another woman - particularly if they feel hurt by the constant rejection they receive.

I felt hurt too when husband stopped having sex with me (for years) after we became parents
we are still married and having sex again

and he still has no real explanation for those years