[monies1210]

Well I have this guy I really like, like a lot but and weve been messing around for over a year. The reason why weve never dated is because we both just finished our first year of college and we didnt want to be tied down in a relationship. Anyway my problem is that when we have sex he just doesnt pleasure me. Its just that he gets on top, he pumps a couple times, puts on a condom, pumps some more, and then comes. Im never satisfied afterwards but am left fustrated cause hes happy and Im not. We have tried different positions so its not that but I dont know what else to do. HHHEEELLLPPPP!!!!!

[LadyLane]

Sounds like perhaps he's just not that experienced yet, and is either so turned on by you or the fact that he's actually "doing it" that he can't hold back! The other alternative is premature ejaculation, which some guys do experience.

It probably seems awkward, but if you really like him and want him around, you might want to talk about it before you start having sex. Why not suggest he give you oral or stimulate you with his fingers so that you have an orgasm first, and then let him "pump away."

Or, you could also ask him to go really slow, draw out the penetration and strokes so that he's not jackhammering you, tell him you love it like that (be very sexy and cutesy) and see if he can last longer by going slower.

Another alternative may be to let him come, then fool around some more, and maybe the second time he'll go slower. A lot of guys masturbate first before a date or when they know they're having sex with a girl so that they last longer just a little while later.

My friend dated a guy who was a premature ejaculator (we called him Speedy Gonzalez because that was his last name) and that's really all he could do - and he was very angry and insulted when she brought it up, which I've never been sure she did gracefully or tactfully. So if that's the issue and he knows it, he may just be sensitive.

Even if that's not the issue, be graceful and sensitive. No one wants to hear they're bad in bed, even if they may know it; it's very traumatizing.

[LadyLane]

And I hate to sound all mothery and preachy, but please make sure the condom's on before he's inside you. You can get pregnant with pre-come, or an STD, pre-come or not.

[soldatka]

Get him to slow down hon, or try to slow down. Looks like he is a bit clueless and you might need to teach him a few things. A good way is to have another go once he's come and rested a bit. A guy can't usually go so fast the second time and it will do him good to realise that he can widen his repertoire!

[CHANDLERS WISH]

Well I have this guy I really like, like a lot but and weve been messing around for over a year. The reason why weve never dated is because we both just finished our first year of college and we didnt want to be tied down in a relationship. Anyway my problem is that when we have sex he just doesnt pleasure me. Its just that he gets on top, he pumps a couple times, puts on a condom, pumps some more, and then comes. Im never satisfied afterwards but am left fustrated cause hes happy and Im not. We have tried different positions so its not that but I dont know what else to do. HHHEEELLLPPPP!!!!!

Well, you are in a relationship.. Sexual. I assume you watch Videos? Hang out as well? Neither is admitting a commitment as it seems he doesn't but you, really, really, like him so you do? Am i right?

So, you don't want wam bam, you want a bit more attention, love, kissing, cuddling not just sex?

Now the Condom thing i agree with, you don't "pump" then put one on and continue? It goes on at the beginning until the end. So to protect yourself fiirstly, make that a new rule.

Secondly, sure you don't have to share your feelings with him, but then you don't have to feel like a sexual object do you? So, your call, do you say, appreciate that this is sex, and we are cool but.............

Or do you just handle it and feel down and horrid?

Why not be a slight bit open with him, and tell him that well, wam bam is not your thing anymore.... You are growing and need just that little bit more?

See his reaction...

This is your life to so if your not happy, someone else can give you more loving, not just sex, don't waste your effort and time...

However, unless you communicate, he may feel that's all you want, how do you know that he doesn't have feelings?

He may not be selfish at all, rather feels that is what it is as that is what you want as well as him?

Communication i think is what is needed here, regardless of the outcome.

You owe it to both of you so you know where you are both at.

Try talking to him..

CW

[monies1210]

a little more info to help

Thank you everybody for your comments so far. As for the relationship thing....he did ask me out before we went away to college but I told him no because we were going to be far away from each other and I wasnt sure if I wanted to have that worry or stress (we both go to semi-party schools). As for the condom thing, he is allergic to them...and I know that is no excuse but we have both been tested for anything before we started having sex again and I am on birth control, so no worries. And Im not sure what it is with him; I dont know if he knows he ejaculates fast or not. I know he is experienced because he used to be, as my friends called him, a man ***** but he stopped that after being in a pretty deep relationship and the girl cheated on him. Lastly, he is one of my closest male friends so, this topic might be a little hard to bring up.

[CHANDLERS WISH]

Thank you everybody for your comments so far. As for the relationship thing....he did ask me out before we went away to college but I told him no because we were going to be far away from each other and I wasnt sure if I wanted to have that worry or stress (we both go to semi-party schools). As for the condom thing, he is allergic to them...and I know that is no excuse but we have both been tested for anything before we started having sex again and I am on birth control, so no worries. And Im not sure what it is with him; I dont know if he knows he ejaculates fast or not. I know he is experienced because he used to be, as my friends called him, a man ***** but he stopped that after being in a pretty deep relationship and the girl cheated on him. Lastly, he is one of my closest male friends so, this topic might be a little hard to bring up.

Fair call.... So, "you weren't sure" "he's one of your best friends" so, WHY does it matter sexually?

That should matter if you have feelings or, if you are the agressor, wanting from him, what you want but don't care what he wants, yet you are "closest friends"..

Sorry, but you can't have it both ways.

Either you want more, so find a guy that will be yours.

Or:-

You want intimacy from him? So, he is not exactly "your best friend" but you now want more.

Now, he may like you more? Ever considered that? You turn him on so much that he can't last, just cums? It's guys who don't you have to worry about.

Your the one that said " before you" he was a stayer... I'm not persuming.

Just look inside yourself, this is your feelings here, in your thread and answers.

What do YOU want?

If he is a friend, great time maybe to turn it into that as your not satified sexually. You need a proper relationship " and your FRIEND"..

Or question the question, you or him or both..... Someone is happy and someone wants more?

So again, if the MORE is just sexual turn on and not " he turns you on and you want him" which is a "feeling" lust, then time to move from sex to fullfillment.... with whomever that person may be

CW

[rcoreyus]

He may not know how to please a woman (man aren't born knowing it). Maybe talk to him. Maybe watch a porn movie together - despite the complaints many of them do show men making an effort to please the women - however crudely.

He might just be selfish - but he might just not know that there is anything else he should be doing.

[Uneeklyme]

I dont understand how in one instance he is wearing a condom and the next he is allergice to them and your all protected?

Also, I find it much easier to talk to my best friend about anything and everything than anyone else. Being that he is your friend, its my guess that he will understand if you were to tell him that you enjoy having sex with him and would like to explore it and what it has to offer with him. Things like oral and fingers and slow massage and different positions. Reciprocate. Show him the joys of taking your time. Imagine how you want to be touched and carressed and stroked and turned on, what feels good to you... touch him the same way. If he is into what your doing, tell him something like Yes, I love it when this is done to me. It feels so good.

[monies1210]

i know this is late but.................

so i never had a talk with him but instead decided that one night in the bedroom......a couple of nights ago......that i would take charge. i climbed on top and rode him and he seemed to get the point (not to mention made him extremely hard and aroused); he flipped me over and lets say we had mind blowing sex. i actually came. so for everyone who suggested maybe he just doesn't know how to please me....kudos because you were right and to everyone else; thanks for just giving me advice in general.