[WaveRider]

A couple days ago I had a conversation with a woman with whom I've been friends -strictly as in absolutely no physical action- for years. She was at a party at which my ex-g/f suggested orgy action. It didn't happen, although she wanted it. I've long suspected her of doing orgies. I've never asked her. I've believed it was none of my business what she might've done before she met me.

The female friend had a differing opinion. She said a person's prior sexual adventures could fall into a category of full disclosure. Unless there's a possibly of STD transmission, I think past acts are best left in the past. She said if a man or woman's past acts violate one's morality, full disclosure is required. I politely disagreed. I asked her how we'd know what a man or woman might have done? How would she know that her boyfriend was a gay porn actor 20 years ago? Why would it matter if she were in love with him.

My former g/f flat told me that a woman could do a half-dozen men a night before going home to her husband & he'd never know it as long as she showered and cleaned herself before doing her husband. That would be a serious breach of trust and her husband would have every right to know. But does he have a right to know if she did a basketball team during halftime while she was in college? I said no. My friend said yes. Who's right?

[atskitty2]

I don't think it's a matter of who's right/wrong. It's a matter of personal preference and values.

I think I'd wanna know if a new lover had slept with a prostitute recently.
I'd want to know, but is it my right to know? A friend of mine said it would never cross her mind.

Some people want more info, others don't.

Edited.

[muffin70]

I think being honest is the best policy - even for a 1 night stand
My wife told me on our 3rd date that she had been married before when she was younger and I was up front with her about my past sexual relations

[Claret]

I don't think we own the rights to another's past. It may or may not, impact the current relationship. If past exploits cause concern for the present, then yes, full disclosure is required. If it doesn't impact the current relationship, then I'd say leave it alone. For instance, I do not know my husband's full sexual history. I've never asked and he's never told. It just wasn't relative to OUR relationship. We have enough honesty and moral values to be honest with each other as it impacts each other. If I had a one night stand a year before we got together, big deal. If he also had relationships prior to me, who cares??? All that matters to me is what he is to me and yes, honesty is a big part. But honesty is only relevant for today, not yesterday.

[WaveRider]

I don't think we own the rights to another's past. It may or may not, impact the current relationship. If past exploits cause concern for the present, then yes, full disclosure is required. If it doesn't impact the current relationship, then I'd say leave it alone. For instance, I do not know my husband's full sexual history. I've never asked and he's never told. It just wasn't relative to OUR relationship. We have enough honesty and moral values to be honest with each other as it impacts each other. If I had a one night stand a year before we got together, big deal. If he also had relationships prior to me, who cares??? All that matters to me is what he is to me and yes, honesty is a big part. But honesty is only relevant for today, not yesterday.

I agree.

[WaveRider]

Hi astkitty2,

And I agree with you, but for a different reason. Prostitutes are usually in an STD high risk group. Hence, before intimacy, a woman would have a RIGHT to know if her new dude could infect her.

[WaveRider]

Hi muffin,

And I agree with you, too. Honesty is required were a topic discussed. Hence, unless it's relevant, my suggestion is not bringing up certain topics. That way, honesty couldn't be compromised. A lie can be worse than cheating.

[WaveRider]

I've very recently remembered this: a woman I know dated a black dude in college. There's no doubt that over their 3 year relation, they had a lot of sex. Big deal. People who stick their noses in other people's business grate on me, especially personal business. And in So Cal, interracial relationships are like any other sort. No one cares. BTW, I'm seeing a lot more white dudes hanging with black women. No one cares.

Well, for some reason she told her new b/f that she used to date a black dude. They're the same age (under 30). He's from the South. They're both educated professionals. I've been in Southern states. Some blacks and whites can hold ancient beliefs. Muhammad Ali said races shouldn't mix. He had never dated an Anglo woman. Her new b/f does resurrect her "black dude" b/f when arguing about other things, mostly her controlling personality. If he's not good with it now, he's never gonna be good with it. Were she to ask me, I'd tell her to not throw good days after bad. The question I'd ask her is why she felt obligated to discuss particulars of any boyfriend with her current b/f. I don't know him, so it be a guess to conclude he's racist, a trite noun. He might have a legitimate reason for his disdain for her black b/f; e.g., the black dude was a full-on doper.

Her mom does not think her daughter's relationship with her current b/f will last. She wants her to meet a dude who'll treat her like a princess.

I've never asked my ex-g/f about her sex life. I know what she's told me, and she's told me a lot, especially after she's polished off a bottle of wine. Seems like she'd bring up a former b/f that she had forgotten about about once-a-month. She knew that she could trust me, so she'd go on for long periods of time about former boyfriends, their sexual experiences, and an ex-husband who used to demean her during sex, the latter causing me to wonder about her self-esteem and self-respect. She was extremely sexually experienced. He wasn't novice status. She loves cum on her body including her face. She loves to play with it. I think she fascinated by it. Big effing deal. It's normal. He told her that she was gross for wanting him to cum on her breasts and for asking for other innocent sex acts. He was a deeper shade of naive.

My ex-g/f's marriage to that dude was over when she said, "I do." Wisdom has revealed to me that when you know it ain't gonna work, leave. It never gets better.

My ex-g/f and I were 100% sexually compatible. I think that that was one of the few reasons she had revealed her very active sex life to me. She knew that she could trust me & I wouldn't judge her. Hence, she told me about dudes whom she thought used her for sex, which, apparently bothered her. I'm not sure young dudes use young women for sex as much as they have no clue of what they're doing. A woman can't be used for sex unless she allows herself to be used. I think, "...he used me for sex..." is refrain for regret.

BTW, my ex-g/f was completely sober when she had offered anal sex to me and told me about her anal sex experiences, and the process of anal sex. She knew that I wouldn't judge her. She's told me when she's been sober and when she's been half-lit about her huge-packaged black stud fantasies. When she's half-lit, she will become graphic. She wants to be worked by two black studs. As long as her fantasies turned her on, I didn't care.

I think that unless there's risk of STD transmission, men & women in relationships should focus on their futures. Dredging up pasts will force them to sail upon murky seas.

Another BTW, search engine, "Women's sexual fantasies." Dudes might be surprised to learn that women might be more sexually adventurous than they are.

[atskitty2]

How about if someone has been with a same-sex partner? Especially men? Full disclosure required?

[WaveRider]

Hi atskitty2,

ABSOLUTELY!!! Bisexual men are in HIV high risk category.

Where a person has legitimate concern for his/her life, no question is off limits.

Some ten years ago, when my ex-g/f tried to make the impossible work (reconciliation with her ex-husband), I took a woman on an expensive beach resort weekend. I had images of banging her into next month. On the way, she told me that her former b/f was an intravenous drug abuser. Intravenous drug abusers are HIV high risk category, and they're high risk for hepatitis, too. That woman was horny. She walked around our room naked for three days. I wouldn't touch her. I wouldn't allow myself to become excited. I blew it off as a health problem. It was an apropos white lie.

Health risk is a lot different than fishing for sexual histories. All women have them. The wise ones won't divulge them. Wise men won't ask about them. Besides, one of the three lies women will tell is the number of sexual partners they've had. But if there is legitimate concern for your health, you should examine a potential partner for disease risk.

Men who do prostitutes then go home to their wives are scum.

There's a medical clinic in an adjacent city that'll do a 24 hour turnaround for STD testing. I can wait a day when risk might be present that could shorten my life expectancy.

The primary reason I've hung with my ex-g/f is I know she's STD free. We do have a higher elevation of incredible sex. She has porn star experience and knows how to use it. But we don't have much else in common. She is friendly. But she has far too many issues to be marriage material. But sex w/o fear of STD's is a huge benefit.