[RJ Fields]

my husband watches porn when I’m sitting in the next room. I’ve told him that I find it hurtful and I understand that he needs to watch porn when I’m out but that I feel betrayed and like second best that he’s choosing it over me while I’m in the house. He did it yesterday on our first wedding anniversary. He says I’m overreacting - I think that I’m being fairly reasonable - I get that he will always watch porn but is it just me that finds it so disrespectful to do it while your wife sits in the next room completely oblivious!?! Many thanks

[jns]

Many guys become habituated to watching porn. Has your husband been doing it since he started dating you? Does he masturbate to it instead of asking you for sex (which I am assuming would be agreed to)? Has this been going on for the entire relationship?

[Texasred]

...I understand that he needs to watch porn when I’m out...
I get that he will always watch porn...

Youve made two statements I simply cannot fathom: first, why does he "need to watch porn?" Do you think that is normal behavior, obsessively watching porn alone?
Because it's not

[Ashlee T.]

"Youve made two statements I simply cannot fathom: first, why does he "need to watch porn?" Do you think that is normal behavior, obsessively watching porn alone?
Because it's not." THANK YOU! I hate to hear abnormal behavior normalized because that's what we're told as women is normal. We HAVE to eat. We HAVE to breathe. We HAVE to have liquid. We do not HAVE to masturbate. We do not HAVE to watch porn. We do not HAVE to have sex a certain number of times per week. We do not HAVE to do a lot of things. There are lots of things we WANT to do, and some of them, we WANT to do very badly....but they are not needs.

He has pulled the wool over your eyes if he has convinced you that what he is doing is normal and should be accepted regardless of how it makes you feel. Some people truly don't care, and some just talk a big game, but I don't know hardly anyone who has no issue with their significant other getting off to others. A lot of women have just accepted it because they've been told it's "normal". If it hurts you, if it upsets you, if it makes you feel unwanted and betrayed, then it IS a problem. I can tell you that if my boyfriend was doing that with me in the next room, I'd not be a happy camper and he'd know about it. Lol

[WaveRider]

HI RJ,

The next time he watches porn, put on lingerie and watch it with him. That way, you can find out why he does it.

Beautiful Dancer is right: watching porn without you is not normal behavior. I see nothing wrong with watching porn together.

From my experience, women enjoy watching porn. I have my ex-g/f on video, naked, watching pron, and masturbating. She assured that I not only got excellent video of her doing herself, she assured that she had me completely turned on. She watched porn and masturbated & I watched her watch porn and masturbating. That lasted for a solid 2 minutes before we made our own porn film.

[Texasred]

BD, very nicely put!

[atskitty2]

Normal vs abnormal? We need a lot more detail to determine that. Porn can also just simply be a matter of preference. Porn can be enjoyed by both when used to enhance the relationship.

The point here is this is hurtful, and there seems to be a lack of consideration and intimacy between you two.
I would say the same as BD, in the second part of her post.
This would be a problem for me too.

As an interesting side, FYI that 3 of the commenters on the post are male.

[Texasred]

Kitty, what do you find "interesting," that males are capable of rational thought? :-))
As BD noted and I only hinted at, obsessive behavior is abnormal by any standards of behavior, and is destructive to both individuals and to relationships.
I also find it interesting that the OP posted the one time and disappeared.

[atskitty2]

I thought it would be interesting for the OP to know that these perspectives were posted by male contributors, not other women only. Not being a regular, she won't know that unless there's something obvious in the post.
And I wasn't going to re-read the men's posts to scout for clues as to gender before I pointed out that fact.

Also, I don't necessarily see anything in that one post that indicates to me an "obsession". Is it at inappropriate times, yep. That doesn't to me scream obsessed. Is it excessive? Not even sure from what she said, though it would be fairly reasonable to draw that conclusion. I didn't in this case tho.

[WaveRider]

Based upon my experiences, men are often causal of sexual dysfunction. Some men seem to be intimidated by women's sexuality. They hold a Puritanical view that women provide sexual pleasure for men. They seem embarrassed and/or intimidated to have candid discussions about sex with their wives/girlfriends. If they did, they'd find that most if not all women love and desire sex as much as men. They have sexual fantasies, maybe more fantasies than men. Search engine, "Women's sexual fantasies." They like to be watched and they like to watch. Many are exhibitionists. Threesomes are common fantasies of women, often doing two dudes, but they're good with another woman. The point is, Rj's husband seems to be young and sexually naive. Hence, it'll be up to Rj to get him up to speed.

When I hear of women who claim to not like sex, unless there's a physical ailment involved, what they're really saying is they don't like bad sex.

When women are comfortable with men and they know they can trust them without their becoming judgmental, they'll tell them their darkest secrets and wild sexual fantasies. Men must never, ever judge a woman for her sexual past and fantasies. All women have both. Men should listen to their wives and girlfriends' sexual desires. If a woman wants her husband/boyfriend to perform a sex act, do it unless it violates morality/decency. Don't judge her for what she wants.

It might be that I've been lucky with women. I've yet to meet one that didn't love rough, hard banging sex. Threat them like princesses outside of a bedroom. Inside of a bedroom, most women want to be porn stars. Oblige them.

My ex-g/f wanted another dude in bed with us. She was completely good with doing two dudes. She'd of had no regrets. I denied her because I wasn't good with it. That has caused me a lot of reflection. Was I wrong to deny her one of her sexual fantasies that she wanted to experience because of my jealousy? If she never experiences it, will she blame me? At the time, I couldn't get beyond the vision of watching her giving another dude head or watching another dude banging her like a screen door in a hurricane. I knew that she had been extremely sexually active long before we began dating. She has had far more sex partners than average for women in her age range. When we first began dating, she told me that she loved to give head. Upon reflection, I might've been wrong to deny her of her most dominant sexual fantasy. It would have been just sex, for I knew she was in love with me. The point is men should become deeply analytical when their wives/girlfriends reveal their fantasies to them. Examine fantasies from all angles before committing or denying.

If a dude wants to watch porn, there's a very good chance that his wife/girlfriend does, too.