[Broken heart]

Today I caught my fianc? jerking off to porn ... while I was home he so easily did this . It has been a problem for us so much so that if was ruining our sex life. He was doing it so much ( twice a day ) that he didn?t want sex .... being that we were pretty sexual that was a noticeable change going from being excited about sex to not being excited about sex. Once his dirty secret was out of the bag I put my foot down , a little masterbating is normal but twice a day and always to open isn?t ok ... he had an idea of using a **** cage so he can?t do it because it?s locked away .... which worked until he had time infronr of the pc with the cage off ..... he was so engrossed in what he was doing he didn?t even hear me walk in the house , water the **** dogs and walk up the stairs where I caught him .... worst of all we had just planned catering for the wedding minutes before he went on the internet and did this. I?m considering not marrying this man and cutting my losses . I have spent two years with some one clearly self absorbed in his own needs ( he knows **** good and well how I feel about his porn issue and masterbating issue )
i juat went a quarter of a million dollars in debt with this man for a house and I have no idea how to start the walk away process my heart is torn in half but I don?t want this to be my life

[Broken heart]

That was just riddled with typos , a good indication to my emotional state. Why do men think that a woman should just be accepting of this . I asked him ..... what would he do if he found a video of me on line on Porn hub while he is looking for videos to watch and jerk off how would he feel if he found a video of me on there and how would he feel knowing other men were watching it and jerking off to it .... pleasing them selves while there wives or girlfriends sit unknowingly in another room. How would it make him feel ? Betrayed? Hurt ? Devastated? Because that?s how I feel. If it?s ok to be the jerker maybe it should be ok for me to be the one others jerk to? Ohhh but he was quick to respond that he wouldn?t like that .... double standard ! If he doesn?t want everyone seeing my cookies and making milk to them then maybe he should stop looking at other peoples cookies .... I?m an attractive woman I do not need his negative bull **** ruining my self image

[WaveRider]

jose,

Great points.

When a woman loses interest in having sex with her husband or vice versa, the relationship is over unless it can be rectified.

My guess is watching porn won't repair sex in a relationship in which one avoids sexual contact with another.

Here is an example of the most extreme case of which I'm personally aware: when my ex-g/f was married to her ex-husband, he was sexually inexperienced. She was extremely sexually experienced. She had had great sex and knew how wondrous great sex could be. He thought good sex was rolling atop her, penetrating her, thrusting to orgasm, and rolling back on his side of the bed. He used to frustrate her when he went down on her. It wasn't that so much that he was clueless of performing oral sex on her, he refused to allow her to teach him. In contrast, he expected blow jobs from her. One day she awoke to hating having sex with him. When she could no longer put him off, she'd bend over and tell him to hurry lest their kids walk in. She had to use lubricant because she couldn't become wet with him. They didn't have sex for two years prior to their divorce. She told me that once she hated having sex with him, there was no reversing it.

[hectortwede]

That is true. Watching porn becomes a habit for a lot of men, so it is not such a significant problem. However, I understand your reaction as I also find it a bit hurtful when he watches porn while I am at home.

[sofiajoferna]

That is true. Watching porn becomes a habit for many men, so it is not such a significant problem. However, I understand your reaction as I also find it a bit hurtful when he watches porn while I am at home.

You got a great point here! It becomes a habit, and they do not even realize that it hurts us.

[EmpyNester]

If he is keeping you sexually satisfied then porn should not be a problem. If he is replacing regular intimacy with porn, then yes, I would agree that should be deemed hurtful.

[Little_Man_in_the_Boat]

Porn destroys real sex. The dopamine receptors burn out and you just dont feel anything anymore. Its like codeine or stronger painkillers. the law of diminishing returns until finally a mans penis is like a limp sausage. struggling to get it hard. stuffing it in like a putting a duvet into a cover. porn is designed to destroy your natural ability to enjoy real sex.

[Wednesday L.F.]

If a partner is doing any non-necessary activity at the expense of their partner’s happiness, that’s cause for concern IMO. Porn, video games, watching sports—if it detracts from QT between partners, it’s a problem that will only grow with time.

Not shaming him for watching porn is a good move, and I applaud your ability to do that. It’s very concerning that you’ve told your (relatively new) husband that something he does is hurtful to you…but he’s still doing it. This mindset is likely to show itself again, in other areas—his share of house work, child care if applicable, life in general. If your feelings will always mean less than his petty desires, you deserve to know that before you invest years into hoping he’ll start caring.