This is why you don't cheat and go back

[Truthbombs4u]

This is to elaborate on some truths for those of you who may wonder.
I can't tell my hisband this because he would be crushed.
Maybe I can save some of you the problems that come with cheating with an ex.

First off my husband is above average length and thickness. He is a good size but not porn status. I have had larger as well.

My husband knows I slept with one of my ex's when we were seperated.
He is very traumatized by it because he said he was faithful and just giving me some space and time alone.
He was spending most of the time with the kids, so there really wasn't any time for him to get with girls.
He now says that he feels like he is being compared. Guess what, I lie, just like many others would. I feel it's best for him.
He is the best sexual partner I have had. He is not the largest, but he is the best, and knows how I like it. He can get me off with a quicky in less than a minute... he knows how to do me just right because we have been together many years.
Now...
This is why I don't recommend cheating, especially with an ex. I feel this is more true with us woman because men have varying sizes of penis.

Do you wonder if your lover who may have cheated or slept with an ex, compares you to the ex?
Yes, we do, especially in the situation with an ex.
This is because we were with the ex at one point. When we got with our new lover, and possibly got married, we sort of don't have a fresh memory to compare very well to an ex.

The difference comes when we cheat with an ex, then return to our lover to work it out.
We now have something to compare it too.

Me and my husband separated for 3 months.
I ended up sleeping with my Ex once.

He has a slightly thicker and slightly longer penis.

I immediately noticed the difference in length and thickness when I put my ex's penis in my hand. I had forgotten how it felt. I immediately compared it to my husband's.

I was immediately more excited because it was larger. I immediately seen the ex as a more superior sexual being.
We proceeded to the same room me and my husband slept.

My ex got on top of me, and I noticed his thickness right when he began to insert it. It felt thicker and more filling than my hisbands. Once he put his penis all the way in, I felt the ex's penis touch things my husband's didn't.
As the ex began to thrust, I felt longer strokes, I felt more full, and more excited. It felt better.
However, it was short lived and my ex had an orgasm and couldn't continue. What a freaking waste I thought at first...
immediately followed by such guilt.
I madethe ex leave.
Though his penis was larger and more exciting, it left me unsatisfied and feeling guilty.
Yes, had we done it more times, it would maybe possibly be far more satisfying in a sexual way, and more intense. I know it would. I almost orgasmed pretty quickly, but held it back thinking I could make this feeling last.

I made the mistake of telling my husband about my past partners sizes. This did cause some issues in our relationship.

The problem is now I lie and say It didn't last long enough to compare sizes, or how it felt.

I was recently holding in my hand and seeing how large it looked in my hand, compared to the ex, and my husband somehow guessed it... pulled away and said... "please tell me your not comparing me, because it really feels like you are,you have never held it like that and looked at it that way". I played it off and lied.

When we have sex, yes it's good, it's still the best, but I don't get that stretched feeling, and that deeper feeling. I sometimes think about how it would be with the ex.

Even I am screwed up from this.

So, that is my own personal experience and truth. Yours may differ.

Some other things that suck are:
We have been somewhere and my ex was there. My husband is uncomfortable and has said "you were probably thinking how he is larger and more manly in a sexual way, and I am just an idiot there being compared".
Well, he was right, that is all I thought about, many times. Pretty much if any ex has been around, if his penis was larger, I thought about it, and how it would fill me up more.
My husband says the same thing, that I was probably comparing, but I lie. I was comparing.
He says it's human nature and woman find larger penises more exciting. Well, we all know that is true. He knows that super huge penises may look exciting, but if it is painful the whole time, not good.
He is pretty well researched on females and penis size. He is not blind or dumb to facts.

He looks past this, but it comes up from time to time. Truthfully, I can't blame him.
As I have said, I feel it is far worse because men are very self conscious about their penis. They vary in size and if a man's woman cheated with a larger one, I can see how he would be very concerned.
If he put his penis in another vagina, I don't see how he would really compare.
Most men I have spoken with, and him, say there may be slight difference in feel, but they are usually just "putting their penis in a vagina and it feels great". Most say they have not felt really loose ones. Many say that the vagina, feels tight the next day. It goes back to it's tight state. Many of us know this to be true.

However and mans penis size can vary largely and differences can be felt easily, from my experience.
I will never truely know because I am not a man. However I can see anatomically how it would work out.

Anyway, that is pretty much all I have.
Anyone else have experience with this?
Thoughts?

[Claret]

I think what you are doing if focusing on the size of the penis rather than the size of the man. Cudos to your husband for taking you back. It shows a strength of character that many wouldn't have. I think it may be natural for him to feel inferior if you've told him your ex was bigger, longer and thicker. But, does that necessarily mean better? In my experience it is not. One of my best lovers (and still good friend) was what you may call normal sized. Actually a bit smaller, but he knew how to use it and the charisma between the two of us was extremely strong. I think it was that that had us attuned to each other. Not all men are self conscious of their size. He knew he was on the smaller size but it never bothered him - at least with me. I gave him no reason to think I wasn't satisfied (which I never was).

What other qualities does your husband have that is extremely satisfying to you? What can you bring up outside of sex to let him know how much you appreciate him. If he is uncomfortable in situations where the ex is there go, do whatever you can to show that your husband is the man you have chosen to be with. Be the woman that made the correct choice and flaunt it for all to see.

[Claret]

amy40, today that type of thinking, although utopian, is a bit draconic and old-fashioned. Thankfully there are men and women in this world that don't feel the need to be compared or think they are being compared by their partner. There are two sides to every story and I believe we are only getting a somewhat sanitized version of events here. I am probably right in thinking there is more to the backstory.

[Texasred]

Cynic that I am, i can't help but wonder if the OP might just be a closet porn writer.

[Truthbombs4u]

First off, that post by Claret helped me in my thought process. Thanks. should clarify some things. I posted thos here because it is a sexual issue. We are pretty good relationship wise. Except now for the fling I had.
Yes, I compare him to my ex's. The ones that have larger packages were not better than him sexually. I was fine with my husband's, but after seperation and being with an ex, then getting back together and having sex with the husband, it is easy to compare.
I think with time the memory of the ex will fade and be replaced like it was in the past.
It just sucks because that larger fuller feeling is still in my mind and I can't get rid of it. It bothers me.
There was this slight pain of being stretched, and any small movememt was felt. There was the deeper feeling and something I never remember experiencing in the past with that ex.
Maybe bacause I have been with my husband for 15 years.
No longer toys, and only my husbands penis.
So now I had this longer penis in me and I literally freakin feel bad because it felt so different in a good way.

Now, that memory of the feeling is sort of fading, but the thought of knowing it exists, still remains.
We recently had a period of no sex for 5 days, and when we did it, he felt larger and I did feel the same feeling sort of. Not the stretched out feeling as much, but the deeper feeling.

Maybe it will take some time, I just wish I didn't have this thought in my head about how good it felt, how being stretched wider felt. It can't be duplicated by my husband.

I know they make penis sleeves, and he has mentioned using one in the past. I shot down the idea. I didn't feel we needed that. He is about 6 1/2" with a little more than 5" girth. Like 5 1/4" I believe was the newest measurement.
I know because he has shown me, and he does penis exercises, which have increased his length, and girth slightly.
So he has always had enough to do the deed. It has never been an issue until now.
Like I said, that issue will most likely go away.
If it doesn't, I know he may bring up using a sleeve again, and I may just say I am willing to try it. Hopefully it doesn't spark a new issue like "so now it's cool because you had the ex's bigger penis, and miss it, but before I was just fine and we didn't need a sleeve".
He would probably say that.
However he is all about satisfying me, and left the idea open. He said if I ever feel like I want to try that, just ask. He said he "can be any size you want so there is no need to cheat because of penis size".

I am not trying to be with my ex's.
My ex's are not successful. They don't have families and aren't trying to. There is no benefit to be with them. I also don't love them.
I love my husband. He is the one I want to be with.

The opportunity presented itself with the ex. He just happened to be somewhere I was. I was with some girlfriends, and drinking. I wasn't drunk, but had a little buzz going.
My husband was doing military training, so I had the little one with my grandmother, while I was out.
My ex was coming on to me, and I took the bait because I knew he would not say anything to anyone. Just an easy opportunity presented itself.

Now, I regret it. I can't take it back. Now I have this other stupid issue of what a larger penis can do. I always denied it if my husband brought it up. It would come up only because he knew some of my ex's were larger, and if he seen them. It would come up sometimes if he was horny and I wasn't putting out. He would say "if I whipped out a larger penis I bet you would be all about it".

I did not really have a memory to compare his penis size and feel too. Now I do.

Every guy I have been with, even the largest, brought up penis size. They all want larger ones. I am sure every man does, we all know that. Maybe except for a small select few where there size is a big problem (too large for most).

So, we are working things out.
He does not know I am having this issue. I for sure will not tell him this. As I have said, he is still the best. I just hope this lust for that full stretched deep feeling goes away. Otherwise I will just have to go with a penis sleeve.
However, I am concerned I will not be able to be satisfied with only his penis, and it may just make me crave larger penis all the time and make him seem inferior.
He said he is not worried about that. He said he want to be the one "stretching you out and going as deep as you want". That me being satisfied is all he wants. He could care less about getting off, that he gets a better feeling knowing I am satisfied.
There have been many times where I orgasm and get sensitive. He stops because he does not want to ruin the feeling by keep going.
He can also give me an orgasm that keeps going, and I don't get sensitive. He is very skilled.

I just don't know If I want to do the sleeve thing because I still want the feeling of him and me. I don't want that to be ruined. He said we could take a two week break from sex, and that his penis will seem new to me, and the sleeve would not be needed.
He says that even though I was with a larger ex, he is only able to be with me because he knows he is good, and knows that size is important but not everything. He says we can use the sleeve every now and then if I get the urge.
I don't know.


What do you think? I am tempted to allow him to use a penis sleeve. He had two models picked out. He said most are cheap novelty and unrealistic feel. There are a couple that are more realistic, and have spacers that can be put inside to choose length. They can be cut to needed length. I believe they were 8" x 2" thick.

Just not sure. If I can't stop fantasizing and thinking about that larger feeling... I will just do that. I would rather it be him doing it.

[Claret]

I think if ALL the men you've been with have brought up penis size then you should be more discriminating and look for individuals that have more to offer than insecurities. Just my thought.

[WaveRider]

Good Morning, Texasred,

Regardless, women do like fatter and longer probes. If they say size doesn't matter, they're lying. I've heard this from enough women to extrapolate it to most women.

She should have kept her mouth shut. She makes him appear insecure, almost cuckoldish. If he is, she ought not rub stuff in his face. When he grows a set, he'll be outta there.

I've never banged a woman who compared me to other dudes. I have had woman that I've banged talk about package size. Two have told me that small didn't work for them.

My latest ex told me that all the dudes she has banded were with +/- 2 units of Bell Curve standard deviation. Her one small experience was all she needed to know she needed more package material to satisfy her. She wants to feel a dude inside of her. She didn't like above average length when giving head. According to her, all dudes wanted their packages past her tonsils.

I'm not insecure in any way. I'm very comfortable in my own skin. One thing I won't tolerate is a woman I can't trust. If the OP and her husband had an agreement that they'd abstain from sex while separated, she violated it.

I might forgive a violation of trust depending upon the circumstances. She'd be gone if she were a liar. She'd be whacked if she were to tell me the dude she banged on the side was hung like a horse.

The three lies women will tell and should be expected: age, weight, & the number of dudes she's banged. Double any number a woman gives you and add a few. You still might come up short. My guess is that my last g/f was good for 30 dudes. She's a package maestro.

Anecdote: my last g/f told me straight up that a woman could bang her brains out all day with another dude & when her husband came home from work, he'd have no clue.

[WaveRider]

If you wanna know truth, get a horny woman drunk. They'll tell you everything.

I've never asked about last g/f's vast sexual experiences. When she's drunk, a lot of the time she'll talk about past package poundings she has had. She could talk all she wanted. It didn't bother me. What she did before she met me was none of my business. Even better, I was beneficiary of her considerable sexual skills ;-)

[Texasred]

Waverider,
Truth, brother.
And +/- 2 SD is a **very broad range! (no pun intended...)

[Truthbombs4u]

So, we brought a penis sleeve into our sexlife. OMG! I was worried that I was going to start craving and fantasizing about other men and wanting to cheat with a larger penis. However, it's my husband doing it, and he can be any size I desire.
I am not much of a noise maker, I moan and stuff... but with the thicker longer sleeve, I get stimulation that makes me lose control and not care. I have no choice but to make noises.
I have no desire for another man because most probably would not feel comfortable using a sleeve and pleasing me like this, but my husband is cool with it.
We had a discussion about if how he feels. He says that yes, it sort of bothers him that I never made noises like that with him, that he was not blessed with a larger penis. He says that the fact that it's him pleasing me, outweighs that insecurity. He was concerned if he was away, that I would seek a larger penis because we are using a sleeve now. However, I really don't even have the desire. I actually am really happy he brought this into our sexlife. It shows he cares to please me at all cost.
The one sleeve we have has a "sizing core". Instead of cutting it to length, he just folds it inside of itself, making the base thicker. It's awesome because we start with the 1" core, then do it for a couple minutes, then add another core for another inch. It goes to around 8 inches. It adds just enough girth as well.
We have not used it everytime. I still enjoy sex with him without it. He actually does it different when he isn't wearing it, in a good way. He says because he can feel whats going on inside, and is able to move and adjust angles for added pleasure without the sleeve. He still has an orwith the sleeve as well. He says he loves it.

I have thought about the ex, but not craving that length and thickness. I do think about how he has it naturally, but I just don't desire it or fantasize about it anymore.

[Truthbombs4u]

Don't see a way to edit "he still has an orgasm with the sleeve as well"

[WaveRider]

Hi Texasred,

You're right, that could be a very broad range.

Keeping in mind that over the 10+ years I've on & off dated her, she' has told me a lot about her sex life. Two things that I remember about her many package encounters & she'll often repeat are small packages won't work for her, and one of her first boyfriends had a long package. He loved her blow jobs (she gives above average head), and he got a lot of 'em. What she didn't like was when he came, he'd grab the back of her head and shove it down her throat causing her to gag. She said that he was young and couldn't help himself. She did learn to look for cues that a dude was about to cum which allowed her to prevent gagging. It also helped her to prevent becoming a young mother.

When that woman gets three glasses of wine in her, I'll never know what she's gonna say.

[Lovcookie]

I only once recall a woman mentioning my penis size. She said it was thick. A compliment I thought. Maybe she meant your short or not long lol. Naa I took in a positive way. Another time a recall a woman measuring it with her fingers has she was about to give a bj. She never said a thing. I know another women, (one my GF and I had threesomes with) said her ex was huge but she never said anything negative about mine and added I was a much better lover. Outside of this the penis size never came up. My sample size is about 25. Do women really talk about penis size behind mens backs??? Seems to me men have the hook ups about penis size and often over state what they have.

[WaveRider]

Lovcookie,

I wouldn't say that women talk package size behind "dudes' backs". But they will talk about package experiences. A woman I dated when I was in my early 20's told me that her former b/f was so tiny she she could give him head and suck his nuts at the same time. She was another woman who told me size does matter.

My ex-g/f didn't like tiny packages. It was a deal breaker for her. She likes 'em thick. She wants to feel a dude inside of her. 7" long & thick & she's happy. She didn't like dudes with long ones shoving them down her throat. She once asked me why all dudes wanted her to deep throat them. Youth.

[Truthbombs4u]

Well, one thing I can't seem to stop doing is comparing my husband to my ex that I cheated with, and regret.
Everytime I pull my husbands penisout and hold it in my hand, I feel guilty because I think about how longer and thicker my ex was. I can close my eyes and feel it in my hand.
I can't seem to shake that thought.
We use a sleeve now, intermittently.
However when holding my husbands penis, I think of how he is smaller. It's not as exciting.
It does not make me as excited as when I held my ex's larger penis. I compare everytime. I wish it would go away.
I don't want my ex. It doesn't make me want to ho and cheat. However it does make me feel various things. Guilt, and a little angry that I can't be holding a larger penis.
Now, It was most likely also more exciting just holding the ex's because we were an old thing. It was like new again. I now had something in my hand to compareto my husnand.
I just hope anyone considering cheating with a larger ex, will see this and not do it.
I had forgetten how the ex felt. Now, It will forever be etched in my mind. Especially how it looked and felt in my hand. How I couldn't even barely put my mouth on it. That excited me because I knew I was going to get a larger penis.
I also don't make much noise with my husband. I moan with pleasure, here and there.
However for the minute or so my ex was slowly thrusting, I couldn't help but make louder vocal noises because I was excited, it felt larger and more stimulating. It was like an out of breath feeling from making noises and trying to gasp for air because my exhalation with noise was longer than my air intake. Hard to explain, I had no control over it.
I don't remember it being like that with the ex. Probably because I was with my smaller husband for so many years.