Nailing the Right Technique

[WaveRider]

I've read and I've been told by women that their preferred method to orgasm is oral action on their clits.

I've just read,"Women Aren't Having Orgasms. Men Don't know Why. Let's Talk About it". It's dated today (Nov 16 '18) on "Men's Health Website. I'd recommend that all sexually active adults read it.

A huge percentage of men don't know whether their wives/girlfriends orgasm during oral sex. That's a communication problem. Talking about sex will eliminate female orgasm difficulty. The extremely important caveat is to remain nonjudgmental. If a woman trusts a man, she'll feel comfortable telling him anything.

Very early in my last long-term relationship, my then g/f friend told me what worked and what didn't. She told me that only a couple dudes were able to get her off from oral sex. That was shocking considering she has had sex with a lot of partners. She told me that men who had gone down on her frustrated her out of lack of knowledge of what to do, which was cited in the aforementioned article. She told me that I was the first dude with whom she's had sex who could consistently bring her to orgasm with tongue action. It was simple. She told me what she liked & how she liked it. I did what she told me. She could orgasm many times every sex experience from oral sex. And I loved going down on her. There was no mistaking her orgasms. She couldn't fake it. She didn't have to fake it. We had open sex communication. We'd always talk during sex.

If I'm sensing the right vibes, I won't be shy. I'll ask women what they want and how they want it.

Implied in the article was lack of sex communication. If I've dated a woman for a while, I darn well ought to know what she wants. The best way to know what she wants is to ask her. I've never been judgmental about a woman's sexual history. If she wants me to know, she'll tell me. The only exception is if I think I might be at STD risk.

When a woman gets a few drinks or more in her, she'll likely tell you anything and everything if you ask. Don't ask if you cannot accept an answer.

Another aspect of sex that I've learned a long time ago is that sex begins long before getting naked. Tease the heck outta her while your dining or dancing or drinking. Make her crave it before you get inside a bedroom. Many, many times I'd massage my former g/f's thigh and slide my hand between her legs while she was sitting on a bar stool in a darkened & crowded sports bar. Everyone's eyes were on games, not what we were doing. After a few glasses of wine, she'd open her legs to assure I had access to her most sensitive area. Inside a half-hour, she'd want to go home. On the way home, I'd graphically tell her how I was gonna bang her brains out. She'd cum within minutes of my head between her gorgeous thighs.

[muffin70]

my wife doesn't really like me licking her clit... she says it tickles (I am clean shaven).... I normally massage her clit with my middle finger and kiss / suck her nipples and that will almost certainly bring her to orgasm
once you've been married for 16 years, you kind of know what to do and what each other likes :-)

[WaveRider]

Hi muffin70,

I'm glad you've got it wired.

When I began dating my last g/f, she was indifferent to oral sex. She told me she thought dudes when down on her because it turned them on, but she rarely came. The first time we had sex, I went down on her. Her rhythmic undulations, moans, and sighs revealed that she was totally into it. Suddenly the palms of her hands slammed against my forehead, pushing my mouth away for her sensitive clit. A few weeks later she told me after she was wine buzzed that I gave her the best oral sex she had ever had. She hadn't known the intensity of oral sex orgasms. Now it's her preferred way to cum. Within a month of dating her, she wasn't reticent about telling me to get my head between her legs. She told me that when we were apart, she'd daydream of my going down on her and she'd become drenched.

She never new oral sex orgasms could be so intense. After I'm tongue tantalizing her clit for a few minutes, she'd about tell me that she'd wanted to cum. I'd work two fingers inside of her and massage the inner ridges of her vajayjay while sucking her clit into my mouth and working it with my tongue. After she told me she had done anal sex, I'd insert a well lubricated finger in her butt, another finger massaging her vajayjay's ridges, while sucking her clit and working it with my tongue. The first time I did, she filmed it (I still have it). She had an explosive orgasm, much more intense than any other. She can be heard on the video gasping for air. Shortly thereafter, she told me that she wanted a butt plug. I eventually did get around to buying her two: small & medium.

She has told me more than once that primarily because of oral sex orgasms, she's addicted to sex. I think she was addicted to sex long before she met me. I think great sex has intensified her addiction to sex.

She's had twelve oral sex orgasms in one day, her record. She was never shy with me. She'd straddle my head and tell me to get to work.

I have had the best sex of my life with her. She used to routinely tell me that I was the best sex she's ever had. My guess is our open sex communication facilitated our mystical sexual experiences. A lot of teasing before she got her clothes off seemed to cause her to crave oral sex.

[muffin70]

yes my wife knows what I like and sometimes she will play ball (such as wear a pretty scarf), but one thing I've always wanted to do is ejaculate over her breasts (preferably while she is wearing a pretty scarf!) but she won't have any of that....

[Texasred]

...once you've been married for 16 years, you kind of know what to do and what each other likes :-)

So true, but... I've noticed lately my wife has a new favorite sex position, something the two of us have never done before, but one that she **really** seems to like, and one that she suggested. I canNOT believe she's reading about sex online - that would be totally unlike her, she doesn't like to even have any lights on in the room - so where do you suppose she got the idea?

[WaveRider]

Hi muffin70,

My guess is women's views of sex is a reflection of how they were raised. A friend's wife is sex averse. He's a sex stud. She was raised believing that women don't enjoy sex, and men use women for it. She's the worst sex he's ever had.

I've often wondered whether I've been lucky with women I've dated or whether women can detect traits and cues of men that attract them to certain men & vice versa.

My last g/f was never taught sex by her parents. She was never taught whether sex was good or bad She learned sex heuristically: by having sex. Initially, she did as her partners instructed. She learned pleasures of sex while in college. She wasn't on the pill, so either she used condoms, which she hated, or her partners pulled out. She told me that she loves the feel of warm cum on her body, especially on her breasts. She likes in on her face. She likes it anywhere she can play with it. I think she has a cum fetish.

While she's never told me this, my guess is she was a kid of wealthy parents. When she was away at college, she was free to do as she pleased. She dated a black dude knowing her dad would've disapproved, which was common in that era. She used to bang his brains out, yet she had to hide their relationship. To this day, she regrets that.

Her ex-husband has some serious issues. He was sexually inexperienced. After they were married, she asked him to cum on her breasts. He ridiculed her, telling her it was gross. Hence, they had no sex communication. Worse, she grew to hate having sex with him. By them, their marriage was over. He was an eminently educated professional, yet he was naive when it came to women.

Within the first few times of banging her, she asked me to cum on her breasts. Her tubes were tied, so she couldn't get knocked up. I did it. While she was rubbing it in and playing with it, she told me that she has always loved a dude's warm cum on her body. My next load was on her face. Since it was the first facial I had given her and the first she had had since she was in college, I snapped a photo of her gorgeous, smiling face with a full load all over it. I keep that photo in a safe place.

I've never done anything degrading. I've never demeaned a woman. As long as both parties are good with a sex act, each should accommodate the other. The only time I haven't was my last g/f wanting me to have anal sex with her. I wasn't opposed to it (after she had explained it to me in detail), and she had told me many, many times that guys she has allowed to bang her butt have love it. It was logistical. I knew I was good for one, and that was in her vajayjay. Were circumstances right, she could have taken my anal sex virginity, which is she really wanted. Other than that, I've reciprocated and responded as asked.

Sex communication encourages people to explore their sexuality.

[Texasred]

To say that "every woman is different" is a truism, but it's no less true; just like the only generalization you can make about men - and be right - is the same, that all men are different. "Different" doesn't mean better or worse. What pleases one person can just as easily gross another out, and they can both be "right."

[WaveRider]

Hi Texasred,

I think that I have the gist of your post.

"Different" can be vague. Anything without generally acceptable social decorum is different.

At one time, anal sex was considered taboo. However, it was commonly practiced by earliest civilizations.

Old research indicated that much less than 50% of women engaged in anal sex. Recent research indicates over 50% of women engage in anal sex. Has a sudden trend of positive attitude among women about anal sex emerged? Not according to researchers. There believe that percentage of women who have engaged and who engage in anal sex has remained constant. The changing variable is honesty of female respondents. Results of previous anal sex research were skewed because women were reluctant to admit that they have had anal sex. As social attitudes about sex in general and anal sex specifically have matured, women have become more honest about admitting to it.

My ex-g/f had her first anal sex experience before she was 20. She said most of her sorority sisters were having anal sex. Most of her adult girlfriends have anal sex. She was incredulous when I told her that I was an anal sex virgin. Women who didn't and don't are quick to condemn what they don't like or refuse to try will often refer to anal sex as gross. It might just be their opinions lack maturity. I couldn't care less what two consenting adults do in bed. It ain't none of my business.

Anal sex hasn't interested me. I don't know why. All I can write is that it hasn't. I've never condemned my friends who've have anal sex. I'd never refer to it as gross.

Mature adults know what occurs during sex. Withdrawal in common among many adults. It has to go somewhere. Women who think a dude's cum is gross are at the fringes of sexually active adults. In fact, I'd suspect that they suffer from dissociative disorder. When I was in high school & college, I darn near always used withdrawal. Not one single girl was offended that I had cum on her.

I can understand women who don't like to swallow. I've yet to meet a woman who liked the taste of cum. I've dated only one woman who didn't give head.

Women are excellent adapters. When a woman is in love with a guy, there's nothing within reason she won't do to make him happy. Most women who'd rather not will swallow if it makes their boyfriends happy. Some might have to drink alcohol to numb taste buds. My ex-g/f told me that when she sensed a dude was about to cum, she'd take his package as far into her mouth as she could so he'd shoot down her throat & past her taste buds. That was her adaptation.

I've never once had a woman tell me the cum was gross. They might not have liked to swallow it, but they never said it was gross. Women who think it is are probably suffering a mental disorder.

Most people develop sexual fetishes. My ex-g/f loves cum. She might not like to swallow it, but she has and will. She does love it on her body. She loves to rub it on her breasts and anywhere it lands. She like to rub it all over her face. She knows that men ejaculate. She expects them to cum. She has told me that she'd of been offended if a dude hadn't of cum. Her ex-husband was on meds. Meds caused him to become sexually dysfunctional. She told me that she'd have to work a long time to get him to cum, yet she did. BTW, she told me that meds caused his cum to taste especially horrible. Dudes who do 420 & who smoked cigarettes tasted horrible. Yet she still gave them head. To normal women (90+%) cum isn't gross. The taste might be, but cum isn't.

I've never cared whether any woman swallowed. She was in control of where it went, not me. Whether a woman swallowed had no bearing on our relationship. My ex-g/f would often avoid swallowing by taking a facial. She said dudes were more turned on by cumming on her face tan in her mouth. She didn't care. It washes off.

Hence, were a woman to tell me that a normal sex act is gross, I'd think she's not correctly balanced.

BTW, search engine, "Women's sexual fantasies." Self-secure women have kink. I've always encouraged women to fantasize. I've even dirty talked their fantasies to them. I'd tell my ex-g/f that she had a HUGE black package in her mouth while I was down on her. She'd moan and squirm in ecstasy while cumming. She has a thing for black studs. It turns her on. Fantasy and reality are entirely different concepts. She could fantasize about being worked by two black studs all she wanted. I wouldn't have wanted her fantasy to become reality. I'm a dude who wants a one-dude woman. I ain't sharing.

Sadly, too many people suffer sexual dysfunction. Regardless of cause, its effects can be catastrophic, all too often leading to relationship termination. Men often use services of prostitutes to get what their wives won't give them. My advice for people, especially women, is to seek help for irrational sexual inhibitions before they ruin their lives.

[muffin70]

I'm not sure why my wife doesn't like sperm.... she did say early on in our relationship that she was giving a guy a blowjob once and he came in her mouth so much that some of it came out her nose and she said it was disgusting.
I always have a couple of handkerchiefs on my bedside table and when we make love I grab one and unfold it, holding onto it and as soon as I've ejaculated I pull out and wrap it around my pen1s so nothing spills on the bedsheets.
My wife doesn't have any sexual fantasies.... well none she has told me about - I've always encouraged her to express her fantasies, but none have been forthcoming!

[WaveRider]

Hi mufin70,

One negative experience shouldn't be extrapolated to all.

I've yet to meet a woman who has liked the taste of cum; all but one gave head. I couldn't care less whether they swallowed.

All normal women have sexual fantasies. My ex-g/f has many. Get your wife drunk and talking.

A coupla days ago, my ex-g/f told me, in essence, that she'd of been offended if a dude she was banging didn't cum. She felt that it was her job as a woman to get a dude off. She told me again that she loves warm cum on her body. A few times, during banging sessions & while she was more than half-lit, she told me that she wanted to be covered in cum. She's normal with a 100% normal attitude about sex. She's also told me that she's done nothing that she has regretted doing. The closest she came was the first time she had anal sex. She was apprehensive and it was contrary to her instincts. She trusted her then boyfriend. She found out that she liked it if it was done correctly. She has never liked the taste of cum, but it hasn't prevent her from giving head. In fact, she loves to give head, but she doesn't like the taste of cum. If a dude wanted her to swallow, she'd swallow. When we began dating, she had asked me if I wanted her to swallow. I told her that it was her decision. More than half of the time she does, especially if we're on her bed or couch.

BTW, to this very day, we can talk about anything sexual w/o judgment.

My guess is there's an authentic reason your wife doesn't enjoy sex. A dude cumming is a normal and natural as sunrise.