Time is a Factor...or is it?

[Wednesday L.F.]

As someone who takes medication regularly, I have times when it seems to take forever to climax. When this happens, I have apologized to my husband for "taking so long."
He has always responded by telling me that needs no apology and that he's happy with whatever happens blah blah blah. I'm sure my need to apologize is related to some basic self-esteem issues and I try not to worry about it too much.

Well...the roles were reversed recently when he (for various reasons I won't go in to here) started taking longer than usual. It would never occur to me to complain about a longer bout of sex. But hearing him apologize for "taking so long" really made me think about what I'd been saying and how it impacted him.

I'm wondering if this is a common theme among long-term couples--feeling like one should apologize for taking a long time (not counting deliberate edging, obviously) or wishing one's partner would or would not acknowledge time frame as a factor in overall sexual enjoyment.

Have you ever apologized for taking too long?
Has your partner?
I'd love to hear more about this from others.

[EmptyNester]

Have you ever apologized for taking too long? NO
Has your partner? NO

I did applogize one time when I "2 pump-chumped her" LOL. But, I think I made up for that with "other" measures.

[amy40]

it's a know fact that women take longer & I told husband that long time ago

lately, he's said to me "go ahead & get started" lol
have apologized to him when I've accidentally gone past "getting started"

[atskitty2]

The bf is a long-hauler...and I mean that in the best sense of the phrase. We don't live together, so sex is not happening regularly, so we roll with it, and there is no time too long that we spend doing the deed, when we finally are able to. Neither of us have made any sort of apology for it, that I can ever remember. We may apologize for waiting too long between...lol

[Kayla Lords]

I've never apologized for taking too long because the orgasm deities haven't disrupted that for me (yet) but my partner has apologized, and I always feel so bad for him. He's also apologized when he simply couldn't reach orgasm or his erection didn't last - he always feels awful, and that makes me feel bad for him because neither of us loves each other because of the length of time either last in bed or how quickly we reach climax. We joke about how our sex life is in a bit of a dip right now - but we're also very well aware of why that is (medical stuff, outside stressors, etc). I think it helps that we keep the lines of communication open and aren't afraid to talk about all kinds of things, including when sex doesn't go as we intended.

For whatever reason, though, the need to apologize is there (I imagine I'd probably do the same) but we also have the immediate need to reassure each other, too. So yes, maybe it's a long-term relationship thing.

[Gena G.]

I've definitely had partners apologize for penetrative sex being too short. I always tell them not to worry about it. Sometimes I think they just want to address the elephant in the room more so than give an actual apology because I had told him he doesn't need to apologize many times.

We kind of have this rigid description of what sex should be and people think cumming quickly or taking a long time to cum or not cumming at all doesn't count as "good" sex but really you get to decide what sex is good for you.