[GingerSun]

I am wondering if this is normal/typical with other women.

My husband and I have a great relationship and sex life. But there are two other people I seem to be sexually attracted to. One is an old crush from high school and the other is a friend from a prior job. Whenever I happen to be around them (only 1-2 times each year … so not often) … I get flush, feel my girl parts get aroused, and think about the enjoyment of taking them in me. There is no flirting or anything, it just happens automatically. It’s a nice feeling, but also makes me feel a bit guilty afterwards.

Anyone else have similar experiences?

[jns]

People find forbidden relationships exciting. At one time either of those two relationships may have advanced to being consummated. So you are left with the idealized memories of what might have been. The passion from those times has not been forgotten. My only advice is that you maintain your distance or even increase it if you are not sure that you can stay in control and want to maintain the same relationship that you have with your husband. Consider it and deal with it as a fantasy.

A couple of years ago I was thinking of a relationship with an old girlfriend, one that could have ended up in marriage before she broke off our relationship. I was surprised at the depth of emotion stirred up from something almost 35 years prior. I ended up using the internet to get in touch with her family and I found that she had died about 15 years prior and found out what had happened in her life. That cooled everything off. I determined that if she was still alive and if I had met her again, I would have not been able to predict the depth that I would have gone. We had consummated the relationship many times so that was not a driving factor.

[atskitty2]

Welcome GingerSun!
So glad you joined us!

I think it's pretty typical to experience arousal with others, especially someone we've had that arousal with in the past. We sort of become hard-wired and conditioned to have that response over time. I think there are certain chemistries and/or physiques, personalities or characteristics that just attract us. It's what you choose to do about it that matters, and how you allow it to affect you and your relationship.

[G-Wagon]

I admit. That does happen to me as well. But i treat it as a fantasy and nothing more

[Zoë T.]

It is perfectly normal to find other people attractive, and even feel flushed or nervous around those attractive people, when we're in relationships. I've found, that rather than run away from that initial attraction, and bottling it up, it feels more productive to let yourself think, write, and fantasize about such situations, which may help in processing your emotions. In fact, letting your sexual creativity flow and run wild in your mind (or on paper) might even spice up your sex life. My point is, don't be too afraid or guilty if you find yourself finding someone other than your partner attractive - it's a normal human response, we are social creatures after all.

[MrMr]

It's completely normal. You could have an honest conversation with your husband about it without including the specifics of the people involved. How would you feel if he was honest and said he felt the same? Open conversation about sex and feelings can lead to a better sex life between you and you absolutely don't need to have sex with someone else in order to develop the fantasy

[Jessica1984]

You are definitely not alone here. I love my husband, but I have always had this fantasy of hooking up with my hubby’s best friend behind his back. I know that sounds terrible, but I do. Well one night we hosted a party at our house. Lots of drinking going on. My husband was outside grilling our food, and I ended up giving the best friend a blowjob in our bathroom. It was so hot knowing my husband was outside the whole time. I was afraid my husband was going to be coming in with the food at anytime so nothing else happened. When I sobered up the next morning I did feel a bit guilty, but it turned me on more than I felt guilt. This was last year and my husband never found out.

[MrMr]

Why not just say in front of your husband you want to see his friend naked. If he’s hesitant then say it would be reciprocated. Lying and cheating is pointless when an open conversation is far easier. I think I’ve seen all my friends partners naked and vise versa. A lot of the time people all think the same thing and if not then surround yourself with people that do

[Wednesday L.F.]

I'm glad someone brought up this topic. I have a wonderful husband who is endlessly loving and supportive. Still, my fantasy life includes RL people, exes, former coworkers, etc. I've joked about this with him, but I don't think I'd ever admit to the extent or frequency of these fantasies--or that they occasionally occur during sex with my hubs.

What I wonder is, how do we get past the feelings of guilt that accompany this? Or should we? Is it possible to just stop fantasizing about other people? I can't convince myself that it's harmless so long as it all stays in my mind. My mind can be very persistent.

[MrMr]

Most the time thoughts of fantasies about others are because you want to see something new. In my mind if I’m seeing someone else naked but getting oral sex from my partner then the desires are fulfilled without stepping outside the relationship. Luckily I’ve had partners who feel the same