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Can't feel satisfied

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  • Can't feel satisfied

    So I have a strange problem. It's not that I don't get an orgasm from vaginal sex, but it doesn't decrease the sexual tension that I'm feeling. I have a high sex drive, could have sex a couple of times a day. It's weird, I get an orgasm, but feel frustrated, because I feel even more turned on than before having sex. While masturbating, however, I can "get off" and feel calmer for some time, for example a day or at least a few hours and not think about sex at all. I masturbate by grinding my clitoris and labia against my hand. When I get turned on, I really feel like rubbing my parts against the other person and I find it really frustrating that I don't touch the partner while having vaginal sex. Oral sex doesn't get me off either. I don't know what I'm supposed to be doing with a partner to not feel frustrated... Them doing me a hand job seems so selfish.

  • Originally posted by Space-Traveller View Post
    So I have a strange problem. It's not that I don't get an orgasm from vaginal sex, but it doesn't decrease the sexual tension that I'm feeling. I have a high sex drive, could have sex a couple of times a day. It's weird, I get an orgasm, but feel frustrated, because I feel even more turned on than before having sex. While masturbating, however, I can "get off" and feel calmer for some time, for example a day or at least a few hours and not think about sex at all. I masturbate by grinding my clitoris and labia against my hand. When I get turned on, I really feel like rubbing my parts against the other person and I find it really frustrating that I don't touch the partner while having vaginal sex. Oral sex doesn't get me off either. I don't know what I'm supposed to be doing with a partner to not feel frustrated... Them doing me a hand job seems so selfish.
    Welcome to WH interactive Forums. Don't worry about being selfish when it is your turn. Teach your partner what motion and pressure is needed to bring you to orgasm. I would incorporate some oral at the beginning in the hopes of being able to achieve orgasm through oral sex at some time in the future. I would hope your partner is an enthusiastic participant in giving you an orgasm. As for grinding during vaginal sex, some positions are better for this than others. Find out which ones work best for you to thrust and grind to his thrusts. Maybe some positions with you on top facing him.
    I have but one lamp by which my feet are guided, and that is the lamp of experience.
    ...
    Shall we gather strength by irresolution and inaction? Shall we acquire the means of effectual resistance by lying supinely on our backs and hugging the delusive phantom of hope, until our enemies shall have bound us hand and foot?

    From a speech by Patrick Henry on March 23, 1775 at St. John's Church, Richmond, Virginia

    Comment


    • Hi jns!

      Thank you for your reply. Fair point about being selfish, maybe it's not that selfish after all... I tried the rider position, but it doesn't work, because my clitoris and labia are too high. But maybe I would need to lean in more?

      Comment


      • Originally posted by Space-Traveller View Post
        Hi jns!

        Thank you for your reply. Fair point about being selfish, maybe it's not that selfish after all... I tried the rider position, but it doesn't work, because my clitoris and labia are too high. But maybe I would need to lean in more?
        Definitely try leaning in more. Figure out what you can use to solidly support yourself at the angle that you need. Or have him sit with his back slightly up and supported from behind with pillows so you can get the right angle with your hands on his shoulders. Another position that might work sideways is a scissors position. In that you would grind against his upper leg. I'm not sure if it would work but it might.
        I have but one lamp by which my feet are guided, and that is the lamp of experience.
        ...
        Shall we gather strength by irresolution and inaction? Shall we acquire the means of effectual resistance by lying supinely on our backs and hugging the delusive phantom of hope, until our enemies shall have bound us hand and foot?

        From a speech by Patrick Henry on March 23, 1775 at St. John's Church, Richmond, Virginia

        Comment


        • Reading this, I wonder if part of the "problem" here is that when you and your partner decide you're done with sex (and I'd be curious to know when this is -- is it once they've orgasmed or once you've each had one orgasm?), that everything is done, and maybe your body and brain aren't ready for things to be over. Do you know if you're multi-orgasmic? Is it possible that the first orgasm was just a "warm-up" for you and you need to keep going to get the level of satisfaction you're missing?

          Also, it's not selfish AT ALL to want more -- grinding, pleasure, or orgasms -- from your partner. If your partner can't continue once they've orgasmed -- and sometimes that refractory period can put them right to sleep -- you may want to try starting with your orgasms/pleasure sooner and let your partner "go last."

          And I would definitely try to incorporate more touch during penetration, if you can. While we don't have sex in missionary very often, my partner will lean in towards me (while I'm on the bottom) so our torsos are touching. If I can handle his weight, he'll settle on top, which can allow for nice grinding action. In doggy, either I touch myself or, if he's feeling limber, he'll reach around to touch my clit. Being on top can be great for grinding -- assuming your legs cooperate with riding (mine don't always).

          If you haven't already, have you considered using a vibrator during sex? Especially in those positions when you're not being touched as much as you'd like? You may be able to have more or stronger orgasms with the right toy, which could leave you more satisfied at the end.

          Comment


          • I think you've already had some good responses here, but I'd like to add a thought or two.

            I also get this sense occasionally, that I'm just not quite finished. I wouldn't necessarily even say I have a high sex drive, but there are times that I have an orgasm, but I can feel a tension that there is more intensity that I need to release. I think my orgasms are rather intense already, but during these times are when the typical level rises into the mind-blowing, eye-popping orgasms that go on for a while and are really memorable. And to clarify, that's with my partner.

            I rarely masturbate, but when I do, it is almost never just one and done. I'll wind up repeatedly and that's the norm for my self-pleasure routine.

            So, I said all that to say - could it be that when you're masturbating, you are bringing yourself to one intense orgasm that satisfies you, so there's no need for more? Is your partner giving the intensity that you need? As Kayla mentioned, clitoral stimulation while you're on top could be the key. Is your partner invested in your pleasure? If I'm on top, my bf typically holds my legs/pelvis region and has a way of naturally using his thumbs to sort of reach in and stimulate me. He can last for much longer than I can, so I need that extra stimulation. The important thing is that we each are working together to benefit the other.

            Comment


            • Originally posted by jns View Post

              Definitely try leaning in more. Figure out what you can use to solidly support yourself at the angle that you need. Or have him sit with his back slightly up and supported from behind with pillows so you can get the right angle with your hands on his shoulders. Another position that might work sideways is a scissors position. In that you would grind against his upper leg. I'm not sure if it would work but it might.
              Thanks for the tips.

              Comment


              • Originally posted by Kayla Lords View Post
                Reading this, I wonder if part of the "problem" here is that when you and your partner decide you're done with sex (and I'd be curious to know when this is -- is it once they've orgasmed or once you've each had one orgasm?), that everything is done, and maybe your body and brain aren't ready for things to be over. Do you know if you're multi-orgasmic? Is it possible that the first orgasm was just a "warm-up" for you and you need to keep going to get the level of satisfaction you're missing?
                Also, it's not selfish AT ALL to want more -- grinding, pleasure, or orgasms -- from your partner. If your partner can't continue once they've orgasmed -- and sometimes that refractory period can put them right to sleep -- you may want to try starting with your orgasms/pleasure sooner and let your partner "go last."
                And I would definitely try to incorporate more touch during penetration, if you can. While we don't have sex in missionary very often, my partner will lean in towards me (while I'm on the bottom) so our torsos are touching. If I can handle his weight, he'll settle on top, which can allow for nice grinding action. In doggy, either I touch myself or, if he's feeling limber, he'll reach around to touch my clit. Being on top can be great for grinding -- assuming your legs cooperate with riding (mine don't always).
                If you haven't already, have you considered using a vibrator during sex? Especially in those positions when you're not being touched as much as you'd like? You may be able to have more or stronger orgasms with the right toy, which could leave you more satisfied at the end.
                Multi-orgasmic? Tbh I don't know. When I masturbate, I can have a few orgasms, but usually it's just one and it's me falling asleep after having an orgasm. But it makes sense what you're saying, that maybe I just need more.

                I don't really like vibrators.

                Comment


                • Originally posted by atskitty2 View Post
                  I think you've already had some good responses here, but I'd like to add a thought or two.
                  I also get this sense occasionally, that I'm just not quite finished. I wouldn't necessarily even say I have a high sex drive, but there are times that I have an orgasm, but I can feel a tension that there is more intensity that I need to release. I think my orgasms are rather intense already, but during these times are when the typical level rises into the mind-blowing, eye-popping orgasms that go on for a while and are really memorable. And to clarify, that's with my partner.
                  I rarely masturbate, but when I do, it is almost never just one and done. I'll wind up repeatedly and that's the norm for my self-pleasure routine.
                  So, I said all that to say - could it be that when you're masturbating, you are bringing yourself to one intense orgasm that satisfies you, so there's no need for more? Is your partner giving the intensity that you need? As Kayla mentioned, clitoral stimulation while you're on top could be the key. Is your partner invested in your pleasure? If I'm on top, my bf typically holds my legs/pelvis region and has a way of naturally using his thumbs to sort of reach in and stimulate me. He can last for much longer than I can, so I need that extra stimulation. The important thing is that we each are working together to benefit the other.
                  Yes, as in the previois post, it makes sense that I still have the need for more orgasms or stimulation and while masturbating, I reach the end point more quickly. It also makes sense to use a hand be it mine or my partners.

                  To sum up replies to all posts, I'd like to thank you for explaining all that. Now it makes much more sense to me why women are said to have capacity for multiple orgasms or to enjoy not exactly the sex/penetration itself, but other sexual activities. It never occured to me that sex with penetration might not be enough to release all the tension and that it might be so counter-intuitive how to stimulate the clitoris or that grinding and using hands might be an important part of sex for a large number of people. Thanks to you all for insight about positions too.

                  Comment

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