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Worried that he won't go down on me

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  • Worried that he won't go down on me

    I am in a brand new relationship where everything is seemingly perfect. We are 36 and 37 yrs.

    Intimacy has been very passionate and wonderful. He has been on medication which has made maintaining an election challenging, however he has assured me this is temporary and I am being patient.

    When we do share intimacy however, he has never initiated going down on me, he just fingers me until I get off, whereas I am always giving him blowjobs.

    He already feels inadequate about the erectile issue, so how do I bring this up without being critical or potentially making things worse?

    Not going down on me would honestly be the biggest intimacy killer for me.. i love to go down and I will offer it any time, day or night. But i get resentful quickly and refuse to do it again if he doesnt care to please me..

    Please help, he is perfect in EVERY other way..

  • Originally posted by Roxie88 View Post
    I am in a brand new relationship where everything is seemingly perfect. We are 36 and 37 yrs.

    Intimacy has been very passionate and wonderful. He has been on medication which has made maintaining an election challenging, however he has assured me this is temporary and I am being patient.

    When we do share intimacy however, he has never initiated going down on me, he just fingers me until I get off, whereas I am always giving him blowjobs.

    He already feels inadequate about the erectile issue, so how do I bring this up without being critical or potentially making things worse?

    Not going down on me would honestly be the biggest intimacy killer for me.. i love to go down and I will offer it any time, day or night. But i get resentful quickly and refuse to do it again if he doesnt care to please me..

    Please help, he is perfect in EVERY other way..
    Dear Roxie,
    Might be the reason is he is not have enough knowledge about intimacy.He may be afraid of making you pregnant unknowingly or might be He is having a fobia of **** insertion.
    I know one of my friend of similarly He used to have blowjob with her GF and only fingered her GF but never ever insert his penis due to that fobia. Later on after many counselings he could make it and after that he used to enjoy intimacy.
    Might be it is good if you consult counselor along with your BF.

    Comment


    • Roxie88 please let me know your view on this.

      Comment


      • Hello Roxie88! Welcome to the forum!

        Have you asked him specifically about this?

        Comment


        • Originally posted by Summer View Post

          Dear Roxie,
          Might be the reason is he is not have enough knowledge about intimacy.He may be afraid of making you pregnant unknowingly or might be He is having a fobia of **** insertion.
          I know one of my friend of similarly He used to have blowjob with her GF and only fingered her GF but never ever insert his penis due to that fobia. Later on after many counselings he could make it and after that he used to enjoy intimacy.
          Might be it is good if you consult counselor along with your BF.
          Hi Summer, thanks for the message but that isn't the problem that I described.

          Comment


          • Originally posted by atskitty2 View Post
            Hello Roxie88! Welcome to the forum!

            Have you asked him specifically about this?
            Thank you ?
            no, I haven't brought it up yet. I am afraid because he already feels inadequate about being unable to have intercourse yet.

            I am on the fence about bringing it up as a conversation or if I should hint at it next time we are intimate and be prepared to not like the response...

            Comment


            • Originally posted by Roxie88 View Post
              I am on the fence about bringing it up as a conversation or if I should hint at it next time we are intimate and be prepared to not like the response...
              Probably best to bring it up in conversation. Just let him know how much intimate that feels for you and that would like to experience it with him.

              Comment


              • Originally posted by Roxie88 View Post
                I am in a brand new relationship where everything is seemingly perfect. We are 36 and 37 yrs.

                Intimacy has been very passionate and wonderful. He has been on medication which has made maintaining an election challenging, however he has assured me this is temporary and I am being patient.

                When we do share intimacy however, he has never initiated going down on me, he just fingers me until I get off, whereas I am always giving him blowjobs.

                He already feels inadequate about the erectile issue, so how do I bring this up without being critical or potentially making things worse?

                Not going down on me would honestly be the biggest intimacy killer for me.. i love to go down and I will offer it any time, day or night. But i get resentful quickly and refuse to do it again if he doesnt care to please me..

                Please help, he is perfect in EVERY other way..
                Welcome to WH Interactive Forums. It sounds that if he doesn't go down on you it might be a relationship killer. I would bring it up, either in a conversation or in an intimate moment. I had that happen once fairly early in a relationship. I had only used a finger up to that point but once given the green light (she indicated by pointing), I enthusiastically performed as requested. It was absolutely fantastic and we both had a great time. It became a part of our relationship.

                Has he tried Viagra or other similar medication for his erection problems (with his doctor's consent and prescription, of course)? I have had similar problems as related to diabetes and Levitra worked some of the time. Does he climax on the blowjobs? I have never really got into blowjobs but some guys like them the best.
                I have but one lamp by which my feet are guided, and that is the lamp of experience.
                ...
                Shall we gather strength by irresolution and inaction? Shall we acquire the means of effectual resistance by lying supinely on our backs and hugging the delusive phantom of hope, until our enemies shall have bound us hand and foot?

                From a speech by Patrick Henry on March 23, 1775 at St. John's Church, Richmond, Virginia

                Comment


                • I would definitely bring it up for the following reasons:
                  --He might not know this is even an issue for you
                  --He may see oral as a prelude to intercourse, and if he's concerned that he can't perform, it may put him off that too.
                  --It might be gratifying for him to know there's something he can do even if his penis doesn't cooperate
                  --It's not really fair to keep a potential dealbreaker from your partner.
                  --If he's a good guy, he'll want to please you. If he isn't, it's better that you find out early on because this won't be the only thing he's withholding.

                  Keep in mind that telling him what you want doesn't have to be framed as criticism. Something as simple as, "You know what I'd love right now..." can make a big difference in how your critique is perceived by your partner. You could also make it an outside-the-bedroom conversations about general likes and dislikes.

                  Good luck!

                  Comment


                  • Hello Roxie88! What does he have to say about the situation? Despite your ages, is it possible that he might be new or inexperienced with that particular act itself? In those times where the two of your are discussing your desires, it may prove useful to help him understand that he to might find it pleasureable as well. For me personally, i love going down on my wife. I get so much pleasure from it, that i can (and have) cum myself just from doing it.
                    One way that might help is in those intimate moments, let him explore between your legs. He doesn't have to go down on you right away, or even at all in that particular session. But the point is to let him warm up and get used to the idea. Build up to it. He can kiss, lick, suck, smell, caress, and just explore your vital areas down there while you also derive at least some pleasure as well. In that moment, tell him how good it feels and how much you want it. Another way that might help encourage him is the next time you give him a blowjob, gently during the session, but not to long into it, manuver yourself into the 69 position. Hopefully, there isn't too much of a height difference between your two. If not, this will place your lady bits right in his full view. Be sure your sucking him slowly tho, so you can either stay in 69 long enough to where he decides to start licking you back or until you're just ready to move on. Good luck!

                    Comment

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