[easygoing]

---

Have questions about buying a vibrator for your wife?

We have more answers!

Read our article, “Should I Buy My Wife A Vibrator?” here:

https://www.womens-health.com/buy-wife-vibrator

---

Things shouldn’t be this complicated in our old age but maybe someone can put me on the right track.

Okay so this started almost 40 years ago. We had 2 young children and I was busy building our business. Even though we had an active sex life, I'd purchased a vibrator for her because she often had difficulty climaxing during sex and she often used the vibrator to finish herself off. And to be fair I enjoyed the fact she was able to climax with it.

In those days, I often stayed up at night working on business plans, after my wife had gone to bed. One night however, she'd only gone to bed a short time earlier, I wanted to ask her a question about work. I quietly went up the hall in darkness and stopped outside the half closed door to listen to see if she was asleep. What I heard though surprised me because I could clearly hear her vibrator whirring away between her legs and the sounds of pleasure she was making. I was gobsmacked at first but quickly became aroused at the thought of her masturbating. In no time I had matters in hand and masturbated with her in the hallway in the dark. I managed to repeat this a number of times and loved every episode. In fact, it turned out to be one of the most erotic experiences I can remember and I have used those memories thousands of times since as stimulation when I masturbate. To this day, 40 years on I'm sure she still isn't aware I was sharing it with her.

Now in our 70's we rarely indulge in penetrative sex so masturbation is pretty much all I have these days. I do know that she hasn’t masturbated much lately because the batteries have been flat in her vibrator. But last night we watched a show on TV and there was a scene of a guy in the nude doing drugs. He really did have a great body, but it was the size of his flacid penis that grabbed our attention. I made a comment at the time on the size of his **** and she agreed about how large it was. As soon as the show finished though, she said she was tired and was going straight to bed. I was surprised at this because we usually hang out and go to bed together. Anyway, it seemed way too obvious so this morning I checked her bedside drawer and sure enough her vibrator was right there with fresh batteries installed. I know this is a bit sneaky but I was intrigued that she might have been turned on by the bloke’s large ****. Seems she was!

Now you might be thinking I’m being hypocritical but that’s definitely not the case. I love the fact she’s masturbating and there's nothing I'd like more than to ask her to masturbate with me. I raised the subject of the TV show with her this morning and the guy with the big **** and with 'tongue in cheek’ suggested she might have powered up the vibrator last night. She became quite defensive and claimed she never uses her vibrator any more. Now that’s what I don’t understand and why I’m frustrated. I wouldn’t mind if she masturbated 3 or 4 times a week as long as she included me from time to time. I get it that she might want to be on her own with her own fantasies because I enjoy my time watching porn when I can. Notwithstanding that, I really miss the intimate contact with her so do you think I should let her know about last night and the fact I know she used the vibrator?

[jns]

Now you might be thinking I’m being hypocritical but that’s definitely not the case. I love the fact she’s masturbating and there's nothing I'd like more than to ask her to masturbate with me. I raised the subject of the TV show with her this morning and the guy with the big **** and with 'tongue in cheek’ suggested she might have powered up the vibrator last night. She became quite defensive and claimed she never uses her vibrator any more. Now that’s what I don’t understand and why I’m frustrated. I wouldn’t mind if she masturbated 3 or 4 times a week as long as she included me from time to time. I get it that she might want to be on her own with her own fantasies because I enjoy my time watching porn when I can. Notwithstanding that, I really miss the intimate contact with her so do you think I should let her know about last night and the fact I know she used the vibrator?

I've seen a number of posts on WH about women secretly masturbating. The common thread is that they all deny it. I don't think there is any reason to press on such a touchy subject. Too quote Paul McCartney "Let It Be."

[amy40]

so you never used it on her?
or ever confessed to being in the hall?
or told her that u miss her?

[atskitty2]

The only thing I ever see much of an issue with this is, if the couple isn't sharing physical intimacy together. I think that is something to be concerned about. I think women do this for comfort, sort of a self soothing, pacifier. But when there's nothing happening between the couple, I think it indicates a disconnection.

I think I have suggested things previously...

I think if she gets defensive, it may be better to let it be, in this case. You could try talking to her, but I think you've done that right?

[muffin70]

I've actively tried to encourage my wife to get and use a vibrator, but she isn't interested... we usually have some sort of sexual activity once a week (sometimes every 2 weeks) and I usually touch her body and can bring her to orgasm using my fingers - she loves that..... but I'd love her to use a vibrator and me masturbate at the same time...

[easygoing]

There's not much to say really. (Except thank you responders)
i probably overreacted the other day and got a tad annoyed, not because of her masturbating... I get that. It's just that she doesn't show any interest in intimacy. And to be honest, that's been the case for a long time. I've considered it might be me to blame because I'm probably not the easiest person in the world to live with but I do still love my wife deeply.

I guess ill I'll just have to be content with polishing my pipe.

[easygoing]

so you never used it on her?
she has never allowed me to do that. Ever!

or ever confessed to being in the hall?
i tried to tell her some time ago but she wasn't interested.

or told her that u miss her?
many times.

I'm not trying to paint a bad picture of my wife here but in my mind everything I've said is factual.

[Texasred]

Just tell her. Tell her what you said here, all of it.
Whaddaya have a to lose?

[atskitty2]

easy, did you ever try talking to her about the missing intimacy?
I think if you make it about intimacy, not sex, porn, masturbating, maybe eventually she will listen. At first, she will likely think it's a ploy to get sex, but steer the conversation toward the missing connection. I realize you want/need sex. Genuinely make it about missing her. Have the conversation at a relaxed time, when sex isn't a probability, like on a walk, or on the way to the mall, or whatever.

You've not shared a lot about her, but I think many women would be receptive to a discussion about their man missing them. I would. Be genuine and honest, and open up about the reasons you miss the sexual contact, without making it about sex.

Even if she has no need for an orgasm, she may need and want that connection, but feels pressured about satisfying you sexually and thinks that one only leads to another, So she'd just rather leave it alone. That's a bit selfish, but let's work with it...

I think I suggested something similar before. I don't remember.

This is what I think I'd respond most favorably to, dependant on the words used. I can't imagine not at least trying to take some steps to get closer to my man if he approached me and made himself vulnerable like that. Even if my hormones and libido were in the basement...