[JonnyR]

So lately, I've been exploring more forms of BDSM.

I would not call myself hard-core, but let's call it a medium temperature of BDSM. I started purchasing accutaments and browsing web pages of cool stuff that are definitely piquing my interest...

The thing is, when I was younger, I never had those sorts of thoughts or feti****ed anything related to that lifestyle.

It was only when I entered the bedroom and found partners who allowed me to dominate them in an instinctual way that I discovered I really enjoyed (and they did too!) some BDSM play.

It started innocently with hair pulling, light choking/gagging, spanking, and what some would consider "vanilla" or light play with ropes, etc.

I found myself enjoying it, getting a great sense of enjoyment from it, and wanting to take it further.

One of my partners suggested that people often don't know what they like until they try it -- similar to how Steve Jobs ran Apple Computer back in the day. He often felt that asking people if they wanted an iPod, or iPhone was ridiculous -- most would say no, I don't need to take pictures on my phone, or have "apps" on a phone.

But alas, once you use those features, or in this case, the thrill of trying these activities, you realize that you not only like them, but crave them.

That being said, most people dismiss things without ever trying them, assuming they would never like them.

--> How do couples out there approach BDSM, or really any taboo bedroom activity, and how and when did you realize that you liked it or got inspired to try things?

[Alison H.]

I definitely get the analogy... I was SO anti iPod when they first came out. (Until I got one... LOL!) So that makes a lot of sense.

I think most couples, at least those able to communicate, simply do. Like, "I've been thinking about trying this, what do you think and would you be open to it." For BDSM or any other activity, for that matter.

Inspiration can come from anywhere (a scene in a movie, seeing an ad for some product out in the wild on the internet or something). Some things are an immediate turnoff (like peeing on someone, I've always found unappealing... but that works for others, so, clearly everyone's got their thrills); but other things if they pique your interest, bring it up with partner to find out if they're open to it.

I think a lot of folks who can't communicate to get what they need or want (or at least want to try) end up missing out on them.

[atskitty2]

Yep, same. People always hate on Brussels sprouts until they try them roasted, then, it's a whole new ball game.

I think this is why the sexual relationship gets stale and boring for a lot of people. Trying something new, whether it's just a positional change or taking a walk on the wild side to some less obvious adventures can be just what a couple needs to reconnect and reignite that fire and keep the interest high.

My partner and I have some very mild forays into some peripheral, "vanilla" stuff that you mention. We don't incorporate that into every encounter, but sometimes it's fun to change up the routine.

[JonnyR]

Anyone else out there thinking about this lately or trying some new stuff in the bedroom?