[fudette]

A bit of background - I wed when I was 24, the man I married 28. I'm currently 36 years old. I was very naive when I married, especially about sex. I know, now, that I never should have married the poor guy. He has his issues, for sure, but he remains the kindest, most compassionate person I've known.

Nevertheless, he turned out to not be quite the person I thought he was, and before our 3rd anniversary the sex had stopped altogether and he confessed that he'd been having sex with several men. He said he'd tried to 'not be gay', whatever that means... his mother has a heavy influence in his life, she must've been an SS officer at a death camp in a former life. Enough said.

Anyway, when the sex stopped it was an immense relief for me, as I'd discovered I did not like any kind of sexual contact with him, and never really had. I just felt kinda neutral about sex in general.

For financial reasons, we lived together for another six years, no sexual contact, like brother and sister. The situation had by then become so sadly, unbearably ridiculous for us both that we filed for divorce and I've been alone now these past three years. The man's a genius at real estate, and the settlement left me with several million dollars, which I now invest with.


OK, that's out of the way.

Here's the thing. In these past three years I've discovered that I am, indeed, an extremely sexual person. It began right after the divorce, when (yes, this sounds unbelievable - what can I say) I "discovered" masturbation. Before too long, I discovered if I smoked a little weed before I masturbated, I could tease myself for literally hours, learning to maintain an intense level of arousal just below the tipping point of orgasm.

Now it's become nearly an obsession. I'm almost constantly horny. I have a lot of free time on my hands, and it seems like more and more of that time my head is filled with all kinds of sexual fantasies, whether masturbating or not.

Sorry, this is turning out to be a long post, I feel a real need to share this with someone though, even if anonymously. I'll break this up here, and continue tomorrow.





???

[fudette]

OK, so it's last July. I'd been assembling some patio furniture outside and went in to take a shower. I live in Sarasota Fl, and if you've ever been there in July then you can appreciate how humid and hot it is. I personally love the climate, and despise air conditioning, so, as I never turn the Air on, frequent showers are mandatory. Especially after being out in the yard for a while.

I'd inadvertently left my phone outside after putting the furniture together, and hearing it ringing, went out to answer it after wrapping up in my towel. I took the call outside, and when I turned around after hanging up I saw some teenagers, both young men and women, looking at me from the big pool next door, about twenty feet away

I became aware that the towel had slipped to one side, and I'd been essentially exposed to them below the waist for who knew how long. I felt a little shock go through me then immediately felt this sudden delicious glow spreading through my crotch, and grabbed the towel up and walked back inside.

My heart was pounding, I was breathing fast, and I wanted to masturbate so, so much. My pelvic floor kept continually contracting. As I thought about why I'd reacted so strongly to being seen that way, it occurred to me that being exposed like that was a thing I wanted to experience again, as as I entertained that thought, it got me so aroused that the wet was running down my inner thighs.

Please excuse me, I do not want to offend anyone here, but I feel like I really need to share this and it needs to be anonymous like this.

Yeah, so without giving it much thought, I grabbed a light, soft cotton dress that came down to mid-thigh and pulled it on, shaking with anticipation, and slipped my feet into a pair of comfortable flats. No bra, no panties. I then went into the dining room, sat in a chair, and looked in the mirror across from the table; depending on how I sat and where I put my feet, I could, if I wanted to, reveal everything. I decided to drive out to Siesta Key.

It was difficult to drive, as I was still shaking, I was so nervous. When I got to Siesta Village I parked and walked down to a popular coffee place and went immediately into the women's restroom. In the stall mirror I had the first full look at myself in the dress and felt that hot glow ramp up again, and the wetness starting again. The thin fabric was revealing more than I'd intended, but that just made everything glow all the hotter down below. Weird thing, too... I felt really pretty. Something I hadn't felt in a long time. Too long. An older friend says I could be Sally Field's doppelganger, and, again for the first time in a while, I saw that plainly in the mirror.

I chose a table against the wall, ordered a coffee and small quiche, and sat on the wood chair with my feet up and my heels hooked over a horizontal chair brace. As I sipped my coffee, I began to shift my feet toward the outer legs of the chair. A faint humid breeze was coming in from the open veranda and I could feel it on my labia, and glancing down at myself, could see that the four people (all women) at the table across from me as well as the girl working the counter could probably see everything.

And - god, I can't believe I'm relaying this... I started clenching my sphincter, and kept on clenching it as the hot glow kept building up, and up and up, and I suddenly felt so oddly relaxed, and beautiful, and I pulled my phone out and looked online at pictures of women masturbating, looking around the coffee shop occasionally, trying to tell if anyone was seeing me. Nearly half an hour must have passed and I just kept on clenching and clenching, I could feel an orgasm was getting close now, the wet was dripping and running down my legs.

When I looked up again one of the women at the table, forty-ish, short auburn hair, attractive, was looking right at me. I locked eyes with her, but I still kept on clenching. She must have seen what was happening on my face. I then looked down at my crotch, and I spread my legs a little further apart, at which point the sensations had become so impossibly, impossibly exquisite, so intense that when she looked right at me again, right into my eyes, I started cumming, and it just went on and on and on, locked into her eyes, cumming. I finally had to force myself to get up and I stumbled twice on my way out. I glanced back at the woman and she was still staring at me, then she smiled, as if she was saying, "My, my, what a filthy little hot **** you are..."

That's the impression I got from her. No doubt. And when she smiled like that, I came again. Un-real. How I managed to get back to my car, I don't know. I can't remember.


I shook all the way back to my house.

There's more. Maybe in a few days. I've got to think now if I really want to post this or not.

Oh what the hell.

[fudette]

I'll finish with the posts now. It's been seven months since my stunt at the coffee shop.
??I spent the first three of those months worried the police would come knocking at my door. I kept reminding myself during those three months just how stupid and impulsive a thing it was that I'd done.

I keep looking, but I've never seen the woman who watched me at the coffee shop again. I'd like to, though. Very much.

So, I've discovered several things about myself this past year.

1 - I have a libido that's thoroughly and completely off the charts.

2 - I am a full-on lesbian.

3 - I can be dangerously impulsive.

4 - I LOVE exposing myself - it seems to be my sexual niche, as nothing, nothing floods me with those erotic surges like what I did at that coffee shop.

It's finally warmed up in Sarasota, after better than two weeks of cold (cold for here, anyway).

I'm going to put on my little dress again, nothing underneath. I have to, the erotic pull is just too ******* strong for me. I want it. I want it badly.

I'll try not to go off the deep end this time.

??????I've told the world now, yes, I wrote everything out in probably too much detail because I just needed to, even if anonymously. If anyone managed to wade through these long posts, well... I hope there's at least one or two women out there who might be able to commiserate with where I'm at.

Thank you, all.

?????

[JonnyR]

fudette Oh wow, that is quite the story, and one that I've heard similarly before with exes.

First off, you're not a sexual anomaly.

What you’re describing sounds much more like a late sexual awakening after years of emotional and physical shutdown — and once that door opened, it opened fast.

Maybe you spent a long time disconnected from desire, agency, and even feeling attractive. Now your body is discovering arousal, fantasy, control, and visibility all at once.

That can feel overwhelming, intoxicating, and a little scary — especially when it taps into something that feels taboo or powerful. The intensity doesn’t mean something is “wrong” with you; it means you’ve unlocked parts of yourself that never had room to exist before.

What also makes sense is how this becomes self-reinforcing.

The more you notice the thrill, the more your attention locks onto it, and the more your body responds. That doesn’t make you reckless by nature, it means novelty, control, and being seen are clearly lighting something up in you that was dormant for a very long time.

For some people that shows up as dominance, for others exhibition, fantasy, or erotic imagination. None of that makes you broken. It just means you’re learning what your nervous system responds to, and frankly sounds kinda fun in the right context and situations.

At the same time, it’s okay to pause and ask how to explore this safely and intentionally, rather than only through impulsive moments that later leave you anxious or ashamed. Desire doesn’t need to be shut down — it usually just needs a container.

I’m curious about a few things, if you’re open to sharing more.

When you imagine this side of yourself, is it more about being seen, being desired, or feeling in control? Have you noticed whether the arousal feels grounding and empowering afterward — or more compulsive and draining? And do you want to explore this part of yourself with others someday, or are you still figuring out what it even means for you?

And also, are you SURE you're a "full-blown lesbian"? Could this also be explored with a man...?

You don’t sound abnormal. You sound like someone finally meeting herself — just very vividly, very suddenly.

[JonnyR]

fudette How have things been going with your awakening?