[C]

The reason you are getting more male response than woman is that women are hindered....They are silent...Men are bold...Women keep their hot sexual secrets to themselves...Mostly because many of them have never admitted to them....

How do you truly break free? Or how do you open that door in the back of your mind to let the tiger out...Like you I had a minimum of sexual experience before marriage...Only one man penetrated me...My husband...Oh, I dated a lot, but I think I was so used to saying NO that I had a hard time finding the word "yes" in my vocabulary...

For many years we had this wonderful marriage...I was good and we were sexual, but the best part of me was hidden inside that wanted to come out and be what I truly wanted to be..I believe what I speak about is what many women are, but they have this half as*ed chastity belt on most of their life and after a while get used to it and through the years stop enjoying sex. They miss this sexual bliss that they were created for...What a terrible shame...

You got a hot man...If you see this than other women do...So honey, you had better get better than they are or they are gonna go down on him and get him and love him to death....BUT you are the one that he married...So become them...Throw the good girl out the door and invite him into see the new woman that you are...Do sexual things...Have a couple drinks if you want to...Go in bed and be in the hot sexual doggy position nice and shaved and present to him...Have your butt up in the air and tell him to lick you until you moan with want....Tell him to pinch your nipples like you want them pinched...Suck him and drive him wild...Make him see in you all the women who want him....When you are in bed and going to have sex spread your legs wide open for him...Raise them in the air and show him your inner soul...Lay at the end of the bed spread wide open for him...Be different...Show him his woman and invite him in...This is what makes sex fun, either that or I have missed the boat....To me this is what a wonderful marriage is...That is what makes a woman smile and a man glow with pride....That is the street where I live....

So you asked for a woman's opinion.....I gave you mine...I have kept one man happier than life itself by being this woman....And honey, I am a classy lady...Been this lady for 50 married years this November....I just plain drive him wild.....Take care and my best to you and your lover, Caroline

[Uneeklyme]

I have heard more men than not say they feel rejected and angry, not good enough, hurt, unloved, unwanted...whatever...when their partner turns them down. They can deal with it on occasion but continuously... they tend to stop trying and start looking to different outlets whatever they may be. Porn, prostitutes, co-workers...

Have you talked to your doctor about why your drive might be so low? Hormones, stress, fatigue? Get a physical and make sure its not a physical problem preventing your desire.

Being female I cant really say what a man might feel in the situation where the past keeps getting in the way of my present and future but from my female POV, when a man "compares" or reflects to the past (your past relationship makes you skittish and left scars) it really p*sses me off. I am not his past and I want me to be the reason they act like they do, not some ex that messed with their heads. If they feel I am messing with them, fine, blame me for it but leave the ex out of it. I am here, I am now and I don't want to continually pay for what your ex did then type of thing. Seek counseling to help you get past this.

Now, I am assuming you are asking for tips that might help you get past your low sex drive not tips on how to blow his mind in bed. That will come later as you grow into your relationship. I find that the more I have sex the more I want it. If I don't have sex, I masturbate. Maybe you could make it a point to have sex at least once a week weather you want it or not. Usually, once you start, your pleasure kicks in and overides the not wanting to desire. Dont act like its a chore. Let yourself go and really try to enjoy it. Also, masturbate at least once a week. Learn to enjoy what sex and orgasm have to offer. Learn your body and learn to discover the pleasure you can receive from it. Once you start blowing your own mind, the rest tends to follow. Most women find that their bodies do amazing things and tend to want more eventually. Slow process of learning but not slower than nothing. If your husband knows you are willing to have sex not less than once a week, it may take the edge of some of the rejection. Eventually, once a week could work itself into twice a week and so on. Yes, your husband needs to understand that it takes time but it will show him you are proactively taking time.

[apricot_tea]

hystorm: my husband is VERY attentive. He is, by far, the best lover I could ask for. None of this is solely his problem; it's mainly me, unfortunately.

& thank you! That is a great idea. I've got some lingerie hiding in the back of my closet. I'll have to break it out. ;]

[C]

I have heard more men than not say they feel rejected and angry, not good enough, hurt, unloved, unwanted...whatever...when their partner turns them down. They can deal with it on occasion but continuously... they tend to stop trying and start looking to different outlets whatever they may be. Porn, prostitutes, co-workers...

Have you talked to your doctor about why your drive might be so low? Hormones, stress, fatigue? Get a physical and make sure its not a physical problem preventing your desire.

Being female I cant really say what a man might feel in the situation where the past keeps getting in the way of my present and future but from my female POV, when a man "compares" or reflects to the past (your past relationship makes you skittish and left scars) it really p*sses me off. I am not his past and I want me to be the reason they act like they do, not some ex that messed with their heads. If they feel I am messing with them, fine, blame me for it but leave the ex out of it. I am here, I am now and I don't want to continually pay for what your ex did then type of thing. Seek counseling to help you get past this.

Now, I am assuming you are asking for tips that might help you get past your low sex drive not tips on how to blow his mind in bed. That will come later as you grow into your relationship. I find that the more I have sex the more I want it. If I don't have sex, I masturbate. Maybe you could make it a point to have sex at least once a week weather you want it or not. Usually, once you start, your pleasure kicks in and overides the not wanting to desire. Dont act like its a chore. Let yourself go and really try to enjoy it. Also, masturbate at least once a week. Learn to enjoy what sex and orgasm have to offer. Learn your body and learn to discover the pleasure you can receive from it. Once you start blowing your own mind, the rest tends to follow. Most women find that their bodies do amazing things and tend to want more eventually. Slow process of learning but not slower than nothing. If your husband knows you are willing to have sex not less than once a week, it may take the edge of some of the rejection. Eventually, once a week could work itself into twice a week and so on. Yes, your husband needs to understand that it takes time but it will show him you are proactively taking time.

Where years ago I would have thought that I had a lower sex drive then he did, I found this was not true...Many times a woman covers up what is inside her...She just can't set herself free...Talked to doctor's or nurse's can be like talking to a blank wall. Sure they can help with medical problems but sexual problems is not their expertise...Hystorm and I offered some sexual tips.....Our choice....

[CHANDLERS WISH]

apricot tea
To Chandlers Wish: Yes, everything you described is exactly what I am feeling. I think in the past, I have been confused about sex, simply because I wasn't taught that sex, pre-maritally, was good. Therefore, I got no support & wisdom about my being a woman, a sexual woman at that.

It's a little comforting to know that it's not just me & my age, because I was beginning to think that it was because of me being so young. I think this book I'm reading is helping me a lot. I just wish I could hurry faster, as they say. :] But thank you for your words of wisdom. I appreciate that.

I think you have to put that past relationship in the past.

I posed that question to you, because it only became aparent to me with my ex-husband that after a while, i felt it was just "sex" and consequently, it turned me of and i got to the exact stage where you are at... Suprised? And, yes, wisdom means i'm older....

But, you are saying that your husband is a great lover, it sounds to me that your not opening up to him, and allowing the intimacy to be exactly that, two people bonding during love making that's special to themselves, rather still viewing that as sex but with a bit more involved....

Not so...

If there is intimacy involved in and out of the bedroom, such as say, his arms around you when you watch TV, where you feel safe and fuzzy, as well as kissing, and touching in bed, not just straight sex, then you have all the foundations you need to be a woman and enjoy every minute of it.

Exploring yourself and seeing what turns you on, is fascinating and also opens you up more sexually.

Fantasising, sending text messages one liners, and getting replies... all make you feel sexy.

But ultimately, don't view his intimacy as it's just sex, as he is in love and making love and once you let yourself go, you to will feel that, the exact same and combined it will be awesome...

Try kissing him and looking in his eyes for a long time, before you even start. If you look deep enough you'll see the love and in turn, it will make you realise that your man is making love to you, not having sex...

See everything that you experience together as being "husband and wife", not a boyfriend to a girlfriend and your not meant to but that woman you are now becoming and a wife, and be what ever you want to be, start "feeling" that.

CW

[C]

Try hot romance....Flirting in the afternoon....Not just straight "wam bam" sex but maybe sex on the patio after dark....Bring something erotic into it...A man does not do this....It is up to the woman...These are the forgotten things in a marriage that makes it work....I believe that so much of a woman is hidden inside her....I believe we were all born to be wild...I believe that somewhere along the line we have domesticated ourselves so much that we don't know what letting ourselves go really means....Good old Eve and the apple....Go and sin no more...BUT this kid loves to sin....so I do and smile like mad....

Now I will leave this thread as I am up to my ears with things to do and do not care to get in a pi*sing match....I truly wonder if I will ever grow up but I am having the time of my life....Cheers to all....Hey CW, Happy Birthday again.....xx

[CHANDLERS WISH]

Caroline
Flirting in the afternoon....Not just straight "wam bam" sex but maybe sex on the patio after dark....Bring something erotic into it...A man does not do this....It is up to the woman..

Good call... It's the wam bam sex, i think that has put her of, but from the past, not present....

Try, simple text messages first maybe, get his response, so you can go to the next step of flirting, and simular to the above poster or same, and as Hystorm said, get that lingerie out of the cupboard...

Nothing wrong with baby steps.....first... and explore yourself a little in the meantime....

PS: Thanks C, for the wish.

[apricot_tea]

The reason you are getting more male response than woman is that women are hindered....They are silent...Men are bold...Women keep their hot sexual secrets to themselves...Mostly because many of them have never admitted to them....

How do you truly break free? Or how do you open that door in the back of your mind to let the tiger out...Like you I had a minimum of sexual experience before marriage...Only one man penetrated me...My husband...Oh, I dated a lot, but I think I was so used to saying NO that I had a hard time finding the word "yes" in my vocabulary...

For many years we had this wonderful marriage...I was good and we were sexual, but the best part of me was hidden inside that wanted to come out and be what I truly wanted to be..I believe what I speak about is what many women are, but they have this half as*ed chastity belt on most of their life and after a while get used to it and through the years stop enjoying sex. They miss this sexual bliss that they were created for...What a terrible shame...

You got a hot man...If you see this than other women do...So honey, you had better get better than they are or they are gonna go down on him and get him and love him to death....BUT you are the one that he married...So become them...Throw the good girl out the door and invite him into see the new woman that you are...Do sexual things...Have a couple drinks if you want to...Go in bed and be in the hot sexual doggy position nice and shaved and present to him...Have your butt up in the air and tell him to lick you until you moan with want....Tell him to pinch your nipples like you want them pinched...Suck him and drive him wild...Make him see in you all the women who want him....When you are in bed and going to have sex spread your legs wide open for him...Raise them in the air and show him your inner soul...Lay at the end of the bed spread wide open for him...Be different...Show him his woman and invite him in...This is what makes sex fun, either that or I have missed the boat....To me this is what a wonderful marriage is...That is what makes a woman smile and a man glow with pride....That is the street where I live....

So you asked for a woman's opinion.....I gave you mine...I have kept one man happier than life itself by being this woman....And honey, I am a classy lady...Been this lady for 50 married years this November....I just plain drive him wild.....Take care and my best to you and your lover, Caroline

Thank you, thank you, thank you! I needed to hear all of those things, especially from an experienced woman such as yourself. I really appreciate your words & I've taken them to heart. :]

[Uneeklyme]

Where years ago I would have thought that I had a lower sex drive then he did, I found this was not true...Many times a woman covers up what is inside her...She just can't set herself free...Talked to doctor's or nurse's can be like talking to a blank wall. Sure they can help with medical problems but sexual problems is not their expertise...Hystorm and I offered some sexual tips.....Our choice....

Lower sex drive...thats my point. OP feels her sex drive is low to non exhistant? That was basically my question in my statement assuming your asking for advice on how to boost it not how to wow him. She has already stated when they do have sex its good and I believe I mentioned time will make it better. That is, if its happening. Sex cant get better if your not having it. Talking to doctors and nurses can produce great results. They can run tests and suggest exorcises or other resources the general public have no idea even exhist. Her low sex drive could very well be medical. More often than not it is. Many times its low hormone levels or stress or fatigue like I mentioned. She herself talks of how her past relationship has made her wary. If its an emotional thing, its obviously interfering with her sex life and likely her marriage in general. You would be suprised with what their expertise are. Antidepressant maybe? Antianxiety medication? Sleep aid for fatigue? Supplements for anemia? I do believe I offered some sex tips as well geared more toward helping her boost her sex drive, I just didnt get graphic. MY CHOICE. If you don't want to get into a p*ssing match, dont read into what I write and start one. My response had nothing to do with you or Hy. If it did I would have singled you out with quotes.

[C]

CW: I would never stand for wam bam sex...She should not either...No woman should...She should be warmed up...Have him read a sex book...Again I will go with "Satisfaction" by Kim Catrall and Mark Levinson...Have him read it on how to pleasure his lover...Sometimes a man has to be slowed down and showed how to make love to a woman...I got this book and left it out at my husband's coffee pot one morning near two years ago...He was missing an important point in pleasuring me and to tell you the truth at that time I was too embarrassed to point it out the way I could today..He was not fingering me correctly. I knew what I wanted but could not get it out...I wanted him to stimulate my clit while kneeling below me and sticking his other finger deep inside me at the same time.....At that time I still did not have a voice...But I grew....This is so wonderfully sexually illustrated...I believe a man has to learn to be a fantastic lover just as a woman does...So that day I learned to talk....xx