[CHANDLERS WISH]

Our sex drive deminshes once we are married?

I don't know if it's more of women "cheating" on the men, that being, that they really don't have a high sex drive at all, but obviously do just through the lustful stages.

What do you think?


Another question i guess, is do you like intimacy to be in totality.. Does it make you feel more of a woman, more respected? Such as:-

A touch on the shoulder passing you,
A comment of how nice you look,
A kiss for no reason,

Not just sexual intimacy.

CW

[Guest]

I'm married. I think once two people get used to each other they take each other for granted. It does take some of the spark and excitement out of it. Marriage is a lot of work.

Yeah those little gestures do make a big difference.

[maz33]

Well I think the passion is bound to be more intense during the early part of a relationship, when it's all shiny and new. Sadly once you're married things can become mundane and yes you probably take eachother for granted to some extent. This shouldn't happen but all too often does.

My personal experience is that I was with a wonderfully attentive man, he'd buy me flowers and little gifts, make me feel special, tidy up after himself, give me a kiss knowing it wouldn't lead to a romp, he was polite and well-mannered in general...etc etc...

That was before, this is NOW:

His gentlemanly manners have disappeared completely and he now thinks nothing of producing the most disgusting noises and smells right beside me, in bed, out shopping, WHILE I'M EATING! That is pretty unforgiveable if you ask me and makes me feel sick. Pretty off-putting wouldn't you say? Also, he now leaves his smelly socks rolled up in the wash bin- like I'm going to unravel them!!

Sorry if I've gone completely off-track with my rant- had to get it off my chest!

So yeah, I love all those little signs of love and affection like a kiss on your forehead while you're lying in bed, a cup of tea brought to you in bed etc but a few years of flatulence can be enough to stop you wanting it from that person and make you wish you weren't married.

[Fire(m)]

Maz33. That is so true. Guys can become disgusting without even a second thought. I don't know what to say about this other than we should use discretion as to where and under what conditions we let that gas go. Honestly, I don't understand it, because physically, I have gas all the time. My wife never has gas, but she eats the SAME stuff I do. I don't really understand how that can be, but it is definitely true. I think we just have to be discreet about where we let it go.

Also, the other things that you point out like the smelly socks. This too can be a major problem.

I work full-time (most weeks around 60 hours) and my wife works much less (most weeks around 25-30 hours). As a result, she does more of the home maintenance duties. However, I still pick up my clothes in the morning before leaving for work, put dishes in the dish washer, and do an occasional batch of laundry (only towels frankly...that is her choice).

It's like we men get into the whole "it's her house" thing and sort of just expect her to take care of everything in it. It's an easy trap to fall into because my wife takes a great deal of pride in the house, and my pride is more geared towards my cars/motorcycles/boats or whatever other thing like that I have at the time.

Summarizing, I do try to be sensitive to the disgusting belching, farting issue. Additionally, I also try to do some tasks around the house and (by the way, I typically cook the MAJOR meals for us on the weekends). It is a constant battle however, because the other things like cars, etc. also take maintenance and weekly washing, etc. My wife doesn't do any of that stuff, so between the two of us, our roles are pretty "traditional"

Cheers.

[maz33]

[QUOTE=Fire(m);48039]Maz33. That is so true. Guys can become disgusting without even a second thought. I don't know what to say about this other than we should use discretion as to where and under what conditions we let that gas go. Honestly, I don't understand it, because physically, I have gas all the time. My wife never has gas, but she eats the SAME stuff I do. I don't really understand how that can be, but it is definitely true. I think we just have to be discreet about Also, the other things that you point out like the smelly socks. This too can be a major problem...QUOTE]

Hahaha thanks fire, glad to have your support on these issues!

[goodnightirene]

I was married for twenty five years. There is definitely an ebb and flow with passion, ie horniness! But for me, desire for sex wasn't driven strictly by libido which seems to be the case for men. Sometimes I wanted the intimacy of skin on skin and sex happened to be a part of that and that was fine. At some point if your partner is letting you down or flat out making you feel bad you stop desiring them. When your exhausted and overwhelmed by the logistical demands of life there might not be much sex drive but sex/intimacy can be the balm, you know. But if you're left to sink or swim on your own and sex is thrown at you as one more thing on your to do list, F that! Women multi task the out of most days and if in child rearing mode the demands get ridiculous. All my ex had to do was take care of me and the sex would have followed. Instead he took care of himself, complained about his needs and occasionally stood on the sidelines offering advice while I went under for the 3rd time. There was no comfort in his body at the end of the day and when my body wanted sex he was the last person I wanted.

[Joy]

i agree with goodnightirene...... if you take care of each other the sex just follows cause you wanna share everything even your body with your mate. If one or both of you are being selfish then the petty lil things in life build up. You then end up resenting and start hating the person you are married too.

I am in a common law relationship have been for 4 years and in the beggining it wasn't always pretty it took us a long time to work together. We both had a hard time letting go of our individuality and wanting what we wanted with out concern for the other wants and needs.

[Phoebee]

I'm married. I think once two people get used to each other they take each other for granted. It does take some of the spark and excitement out of it. Marriage is a lot of work.

Yeah those little gestures do make a big difference.

I think there is some truth to that but wait until he gets issues with his sexual health... Getting him "cured" sure puts a spark back in the ol' love life... ;-)

[CHANDLERS WISH]

goodnightirene
But if you're left to sink or swim on your own and sex is thrown at you as one more thing on your to do list, F that!

Yes i remember that one well... Your married.... Cook, clean, even take the rubbish out, feed the dogs, work, water the garden, it's 8pm mind you, just arriving home from 10hrs work, oh honey what are you doing? Oh watching a Video, okay, back to work i go, got to make dinner as well, did i mention work? Oh you burped, must have enjoyed that dinner, oh video has ended what? You want sex now? No way..........

Lol.

Joy
if you take care of each other the sex just follows cause you wanna share everything even your body with your mate. If one or both of you are being selfish then the petty lil things in life build up. You then end up resenting and start hating the person you are married too.

I certainly agree with that.. Although hate is not a word i use, but dislike, feel put off, don't feel sexual at all towards them, don't respect them anymore.

Maz
His gentlemanly manners have disappeared completely and he now thinks nothing of producing the most disgusting noises and smells right beside me, in bed, out shopping, WHILE I'M EATING! That is pretty unforgiveable if you ask me and makes me feel sick.

Coped that too, haha... and it made me feel sick as well....

Littlehumper
Marriage is a lot of work.

Yeah those little gestures do make a big difference.

It is in-deed a lot of hard work, i agree, but without "those little gestures" it is just "ball and chain" or so he wants.... us to be chained to his......haha, not all men i know....

Pheobee
Getting him "cured" sure puts a spark back in the ol' love life... ;-)

But, i imagine he still was attentive, smiled, kissed you as he walked by for no reason, otherwise you wouldn't have wanted that spark back...

I really am trying to ascertain if our partners would gain better sexual lives in their marriage, if they were to do the little things and understand a woman's emotions, instead of utilising the word "marriage" as a means for her being like your Mother, instead of her Lover. I'm in a colourful mood what can i say?

Fire(m)
Additionally, I also try to do some tasks around the house and (by the way, I typically cook the MAJOR meals for us on the weekends). It is a constant battle however, because the other things like cars, etc. also take maintenance and weekly washing, etc.

But that's partially what we want, speaking for myself, but gaging by other's answers, i may be correct, we also want the emotional, kiss as you walk by for no reason, not for sex, or acknowledged when we dress up with a comment on how nice we look, or a text message for no reason, "love you", things that make you go mmmm, and want to sleep with him, not just sharing the housework load as you both work, all be it trust me that does make you still feel good about the person you live with...

[Sweet Lady]

Our sex drive deminshes once we are married?

I don't know if it's more of women "cheating" on the men, that being, that they really don't have a high sex drive at all, but obviously do just through the lustful stages.

What do you think?


Another question i guess, is do you like intimacy to be in totality.. Does it make you feel more of a woman, more respected? Such as:-

A touch on the shoulder passing you,
A comment of how nice you look,
A kiss for no reason,

Not just sexual intimacy.

CW

Totality is what works for me. The less emotional he is too me the less sex we are going to have, definately. I need to be 'pampered'. Made to feel sexy and wanted. If not, I get cold or become a sex maniac.

I agree with Goodnightirene. It is about taking care of each othere and all else just falls into place.
I have been married for 7 years now. I the beginning I thought doing everything for him was the way to go. It worked then cause sex was at least every other day. Over the years this was taken for granted and things fell apart in our relationship, to an extent that sex was down to 1x a week, sometimes none at all. It started with the erosion of the quote CW:

"A touch on the shoulder passing you,
A comment of how nice you look,
A kiss for no reason,.."

After that it went down to just sex intimacy, then it was just sex cause it had to be done.

We were able to work through it (taking care of each other, respect, etc.) and rejuvinate ourselves (it was a long and painful process).

I am a living testimony that it is possible to revive something that was dead to what you want a relationship to be.