[Little]

I meant I disagreed with your initial post about the OP's boyfriend eventually becoming gay. I think that's highly unlikely in a female bisexual situation.
It seems to me, in Western culture anyways, that when a man likes men, he's gay, but when a woman likes women, she's seen as "just bicurious," and rarely a lesbian. I've even heard of people who think that lesbians are only lesbians because they're ugly or they've been hurt by men. One rarely hears that sort of opinion about gay men.

[ChelseaRenee]

I meant I disagreed with your initial post about the OP's boyfriend eventually becoming gay. I think that's highly unlikely in a female bisexual situation.
It seems to me, in Western culture anyways, that when a man likes men, he's gay, but when a woman likes women, she's seen as "just bicurious," and rarely a lesbian. I've even heard of people who think that lesbians are only lesbians because they're ugly or they've been hurt by men. One rarely hears that sort of opinion about gay men.

Wow, I don't remember saying that at all. I don't think he'll "become gay"...I think he's bisexual. Because to be honest, you're totally right. Men who have sex with men are considered "fagg0ts" by the vast majority and for a man to take the plunge and become sexual with a man despite that shows that it's more than just a curiosity, in my opinion, because he has a lost to lose if anyone finds out. For a woman to have sex with another women is no big deal. For men it's HUGE, not because it should be, but because that's the way our society works. You must be a sexually adventurous female or a completely heterosexual, masculine male.

[anonymouswhitefemale]

My god, Anon! You and your persecution complex, lmao. You always seem to think that EVERYONE feels differently about the situation if the man was replaced with a woman. We don't. There's an equal amount of betrayal involved no matter what sex does it. To be honest, there are a lot of women who do that sort of thing for male attention and NOT because they're honestly bisexual (meaning, they could sleep with as WELL as fall in love with a woman) but that's beside the point. It is exactly the same betrayal. There's not a single difference but equipment involved. And for men, a higher risk of giving your parter AIDS, I guess. (Men who are sexually active with other men have a much higher AIDS rate, so that's not a stereotype there.)

If you don't well done, but I can tell you that on this subject, there is MASSIVE difference in opinion between males and females.

Bi-sexual men and bi-sexual women are seen in radically different lights in todays society, and you must realise that. It's nice that you think that it's equal, it's very egalitarian of you, but the fact is that 99% of people would think "he's gay", rather than "he's exploring his sexuality", or whatever.

Most men think about homosexual encounters at least once, but the structure and prejudice of society means that they don't often deny the thought. Some people, who don't give a hoot about what people think, will experiment just like many women do. You've even uphold the stereotype that you claimed to deny by saying you think that any guy who experiments is gay.

[SorridLives]

Wow, I don't remember saying that at all. I don't think he'll "become gay"...I think he's bisexual. Because to be honest, you're totally right. Men who have sex with men are considered "fagg0ts" by the vast majority and for a man to take the plunge and become sexual with a man despite that shows that it's more than just a curiosity, in my opinion, because he has a lost to lose if anyone finds out. For a woman to have sex with another women is no big deal. For men it's HUGE, not because it should be, but because that's the way our society works. You must be a sexually adventurous female or a completely heterosexual, masculine male.

I agree with you 100%. It's a big deal for a man, from all I have seen and read. I have never heard of or read a man say they experimented with another man but would never, ever do it again. For women, it can be nothing at all. Not something they'd ever prefer or need again.

[ChelseaRenee]

If you don't well done, but I can tell you that on this subject, there is MASSIVE difference in opinion between males and females.

Bi-sexual men and bi-sexual women are seen in radically different lights in todays society, and you must realise that. It's nice that you think that it's equal, it's very egalitarian of you, but the fact is that 99% of people would think "he's gay", rather than "he's exploring his sexuality", or whatever.

Most men think about homosexual encounters at least once, but the structure and prejudice of society means that they don't often deny the thought. Some people, who don't give a hoot about what people think, will experiment just like many women do. You've even uphold the stereotype that you claimed to deny by saying you think that any guy who experiments is gay.

I agreed until the last part. I have no idea where you got that from. In fact, I said about 134238 times that a man who enjoys being with men AND women is bisexual, just as I've said a women who enjoys with with women and men is bisexual. No where in any of this did I say a man who sleeps with men is gay is always just gay. He's gay if he ONLY sleeps with men, but I'm pretty sure that's a given?

[anonymouswhitefemale]

Men who have sex with men are considered "fagg0ts" by the vast majority and for a man to take the plunge and become sexual with a man despite that shows that it's more than just a curiosity, in my opinion, because he has a lost to lose if anyone finds out.

Ah, ok, I read the above to mean that if a guy went far enough to try it, he must be gay anyway. Which would obviously be wrong.

[ChelseaRenee]

Ah, ok, I read the above to mean that if a guy went far enough to try it, he must be gay anyway. Which would obviously be wrong.

No no. I was only making the distinction between men and women being with the same gender. It's seen as a much bigger deal for men to do it, so if they actually do take it that far, then they probably really ARE bisexual, and not just "experimenting" like a lot of women these days say they're doing (cop outtttt). If you're doing it for attention, say so. If you're genuinely attracted to the same sex, say soooo! gah. haha

[acchaladka]

No no. I was only making the distinction between men and women being with the same gender. It's seen as a much bigger deal for men to do it, so if they actually do take it that far, then they probably really ARE bisexual, and not just "experimenting" like a lot of women these days say they're doing (cop outtttt). If you're doing it for attention, say so. If you're genuinely attracted to the same sex, say soooo! gah. haha

Agreed, just say so!

For some of us though, our first sexual experience was with another boy (in my case, at about 13 years old...Diedre was the first girl I kissed, and her brother Gary was the first boy I kissed). Sex and sexuality were always about both, and both were always options, in fact there were a lot of boys experimenting at my school.

I grew up on the east coast of the US, in the suburbs, and went to a theatre program where I was surrounded by gay men, in-betweens, and even some straight people too. So it's not all beatings and persecurition.

What it is, and what seems dangerous to me as Cparsee and Lightness have so painfully pointed out, is the relatively large numbers of men who are in relationships with women, out cruising for sex. I don't mean dangerous in terms of the disease part though that's certainly a concern, but just "WTF are these dopes thinking??"

Okay, end of venting. I'm trying to say that men who like sex with men or who have a compulsion about sex with men, are not that unusual, or not as unusual as I would like. I think this is part of men's general sociopathy...er okay, stunted emotional growth. That for one reason or another, men who have these feelings sit on them, refuse to talk about them, and just act out...destructively. That's the power of taboo and societal disapproval basically, right? To drive this behaviour underground, and any honesty with it. It's the rare man who would admit this kind of desire to his girlfriend. (Will not turn this in to a discussion of pegging, Chandler!)

What I was trying not to say earlier, btw, because I feel it's true but don't _think_ it's true, is that as a bisexual man I don't feel I could be fully happy with a woman who wasn't bisexual herself. I feel that a straight woman, or one who hasn't at least had some curiosity, would as one of my ex-girlfriends admitted, be terrified that I was going to go out and sleep with a man. Nevertheless I do still date straight girls...because my mind is telling me that OF COURSE straight girls can understand too. Being bisexual as a man can really suck!

On a previous topic, Sorrid, apologies if I misconstrued your earlier response.

But it is just so hard for me to even think of losing what we had before I discovered his bi-sexuality.

Cparsee, I don't mean to be mean or rude here, but...you've already lost what you had. Would you be able to trust and believe him now?

[Guest]

I have been with my boyfriend for officially 8 months. But he is a childhood friend that I have known since we were kids. We had a really good relationship. We talked about everything. We had a REALLY good sex life. Well one day about two weeks ago, I went to use my computer and he had left his My Space page open. So i started looking around, I really did not expect to find anything, really. But i went to his trash bin and there was a message from him to a guy asking what he was looking for and what type of things he liked. The guy responded by telling him he was looking for a friend but if it leads to more he was open for that. My bf responded that he was just looking for a "f**k buddy". and that was where their conversation ended. My bf was at the store during this time, but when he came back I immediately confronted him. He denied it for a while then he said that he did it only out of curiosity. I actually kicked him out of the house and he went to another state to be with his family. We have been talking over the phone and he keeps claiming that he loves me and doesn't want to be with anyone else. But at the same time he also admitted that he is bi-sexual. At first telling me that he has only had thoughts of being with another man. then, finally confessing that he has let a guy go down on him ( while we were in a relationship). I never would have thought he was gay in any way. But now that he finally told me. I am the one who is confused. Because I love him and i thought we had a good relationship. He never showed any signs of being gay. I am just so confused I do not know if I handle this. But at the same time I love him and want to be with him. Please help me? i need any advice you could get. thank you in advance!

As many other ladies said...He lied to you and that was just the beginning. Seems like bisexual men tend to be selfish and hypocrite sometimes. Personally I would never date a guy who is bisexual as I wouldn't feel safe (HIV, HPV STD)...etc I would rather prefer to be single instead. There are great possibilities that you can find a man who is more suitable for you. Think about your health and your future.

[Uneeklyme]

Bi-sexual men and bi-sexual women are seen in radically different lights in todays society, and you must realise that. It's nice that you think that it's equal, it's very egalitarian of you, but the fact is that 99% of people would think "he's gay", rather than "he's exploring his sexuality", or whatever.

No argument that girl/girl is more widely accepted. People see it more and after a while it just is what it is. Bisexual and gay men are coming out more often these days and its becoming more accepted.

Having said that tho, I guess I am in that one percent of hey, hes bi/gay...so whats your point? Makes no difference to me. It doesn't define who he is anymore than someone being straight defines who they are.

I dont believe a man that actually takes the steps to hook up with a man is exploring his sexuality tho. Especially with the attached stigma, a man that hooks up with another man is either bi or gay dependening. No exploring about it. Course... I believe that either way. Once the deed is done, that is the defining moment of bi/gay. The actual, physical act of being with someone of the same sex regardless of feelings with the exception of rape. If one chooses to be sexually active with someone of the same gender that (for me) is what defines bi/gay/lesbian.

As many other ladies said...He lied to you and that was just the beginning. Seems like bisexual men tend to be selfish and hypocrite sometimes. Personally I would never date a guy who is bisexual as I wouldn't feel safe (HIV, HPV STD)...etc I would rather prefer to be single instead. There are great possibilities that you can find a man who is more suitable for you. Think about your health and your future.

Come on now...really? It would seem to me that people in general tend to be selfish and hypocritical sometimes. Most of them more often than not. Its your perogative to not date a bisexual man but dont kid yourself into to thinking that your not at risk for STI/STD with any straight man either. These diseases aren't going to stop and think about who they are infecting and realize its a straight person and not transmit. I see many more straight women with STI from their boyfriends or affairs than I ever do bisexuals.