[rcoreyus]

Wildchild, re, your last paragraph, I know it seems like there may be something wrong with him - but maybe not. In my case I worried for years that something was wrong with me, that was why my wife wasn't interested. I've thought about it a lot and I honestly don't think its my problem. I'm no Adonis, but I'm certainly not repulsive. I'm fairly fit, I dress ok (well I wear stuff she gets me), am clean, don't complain about my health, almost never get mad or upset, do tons of things around the house, give her foot, back, hand, neck shoulder massages, bring flowers, leave love notes, give her kisses and hugs, at least have a good theoretical knowledge of how to please a woman (though little practice) haven't been out of work for a day since I finished school and make enough money for us to live in comfort, don't drink, don't smoke, and am nice to children and animals. I'm just out of ideas.

Maybe she has someone else, maybe is a lesbian, maybe lots of things - but I don't think so. I think she just isn't interested. I'm sure she loves me - really, and I love her. But she has no physical interest in sex.The same way some women on this group have complained that their husbands just don't seem interested.

Sorry to talk about me on Scotty's thread - I am imagining his situation is similar, but of course I don't know. Scotty mentions he has a disability - but I don't and the situation is similary. I don't think it is Scotty's fault.

[scotty5309]

Hi again all,

Thanks for so much input! I really don't think she is cheating, I've wondered, but firmly don't believe so. I think it is more of a "power" thing maybe. Did you ever see the episode of Everybody loves Raymond where Ray acts like he has no sexual interest, when he really does, and it drives Derbra crazy? I think she may be doing something similar. She is
the most stubborn person I know, so giving in to sex may mean another "lost battle" to her.

And I've tried the heart to heart talk with her, but she always doesn't want to talk about it. And yes, It's gotten so bad that I've thought of going elsewhere for sex, but I just couldn't do that.

BTW, I'm not a bad looking guy, I've had the offers elsewhere. I have to keep reminding myself of those offers when I get feeling down about all of this.

I just wish there was something I could do to wake her up and get her attention.

[CHANDLERS WISH]

Well, If your not a bad looking guy and you feel she likes to have "power".

Buy yourself a few new "nice" tops, put on some aftershave and wear them with jeans, walk past her and smile and say hi like normal, let her think in otherwords, one phew, he looks good and two, why has he bought clothes, is he starting to drift?

Put the power back into her hands...

If she asks you why you bought the tops, why you are wearing aftershave, just say I saw them, liked them, no reason, i feel great that's all... Be allusive, but still attentive.

Do your massage and act as if it doesn't turn you on, get up and get a drink and do something else, straight after.

Use reverse physcology.

You haven't said what your disability is by the way, whether that has effected the "sex" side of things, ie) it is easier for you if she is on top, or you are spooning and this is the fashion at present in which you have sex.

And, whether your sex drive before the disability was simular to now, or deteriated as a result of the disability.

They are both important factors to gain ideas and answers from this Forum...

You may wish to elaborate a bit further.

CW

[rcoreyus]

Not sure I agree with Chandler. If she is playing sex for power, I don't know if you want to join the game. It sounds like she is happy to live without sex, you are not, so you would eventually loose.

I you start giving hints that you might be cheating, she may go ballistic. And if you start dressing better, after shave, etc, you may find even more "offers" from outside. Some of those offers might be very difficult to resist.

The combination of no interest from your wife, your wife possibly angry with you because she thinks you are cheating can make outside offers near irresistable. If you do have an affair, you will feel guilty, and be completely at the mercy of her power trips.

Its very sad, she may loose a very good man over this.

[WildChild]

It's my broken record book recommedation, read John Gray. We women can get hurt or miffed about something and then another little thing and pretty soon it adds up to shut down and we may not be able to say why. I've done it and I'm one of the horniest women around given the right circumstances. Of course some women claim to have low sex drives - not something I understand. Maybe a complete physical including hormone levels? How about a kegelmaster? They can enhance pleasure levels while taking care of other problems women who've had babies or reached a certain maturity are prone to. That better muscle tone just might jump start a woman who's let herself shut down. Rather like rousing the Ents, it might take some time.

Otherwise I stick to my assertation that it's mostly in the mental state. How about get her a copy of one of Mama Gena's books, or treat her to a Sister Goddess program? (Do a search on Mama Gena) Good luck - I do know what it's like, I was married to a man who had no interest, never even thought about it. I ended up depresssed, got overweight and had to pick myself up and make changes. In my case that involved moving on. Life's too short to live it unhappily.
You don't get any extra points for suffering.

[scotty5309]

Well, If your not a bad looking guy and you feel she likes to have "power".

Buy yourself a few new "nice" tops, put on some aftershave and wear them with jeans, walk past her and smile and say hi like normal, let her think in otherwords, one phew, he looks good and two, why has he bought clothes, is he starting to drift?

Put the power back into her hands...

If she asks you why you bought the tops, why you are wearing aftershave, just say I saw them, liked them, no reason, i feel great that's all... Be allusive, but still attentive.

Do your massage and act as if it doesn't turn you on, get up and get a drink and do something else, straight after.

Use reverse physcology.

You haven't said what your disability is by the way, whether that has effected the "sex" side of things, ie) it is easier for you if she is on top, or you are spooning and this is the fashion at present in which you have sex.

And, whether your sex drive before the disability was simular to now, or deteriated as a result of the disability.

They are both important factors to gain ideas and answers from this Forum...

You may wish to elaborate a bit further.

CW

I have two herniated disks in my lumbar spine area.

[CHANDLERS WISH]

WildChild
I ended up depresssed, got overweight and had to pick myself up and make changes. In my case that involved moving on. Life's too short to live it unhappily.
You don't get any extra points for suffering.

I am 5"8, size 10 Australian, currently bordering 12... 5 kilo's over my ideal weight.

I have to say, that I don't feel as attractive at present, it has gotten me down a bit, as the button on my skirts don't quite close and naked, well I still feel good, 67 kilos is not over weight, but I don't feel "sexy" and "confident" naked to be in front of a man.

Perhaps, she has self issues as WildChild has mentioned.

Perhaps she feels older as well, getting on top, being over weight, un-attractive in the bounce.

I understand the Missionary, my ex-husband ended up with 4 disks gone in his back, and preferred spooning which I have to say, is probably your only position comfortable for you, but it always, always just felt like SEX to me, even if there was slight foreplay (never enough) but that's my story. If she also won't go down on you, there is no excitment, it has to just be sex, which doesn't cut it for a woman.

I think somehow you need to still tell her she is beautiful but find a way whereby you can still conduct outside activities, and strengthen your disability, my ex did, he rides his motor bike to start with? Anyways, so that she also at the same time can get fitter, therefore healthier and look at herself in the mirror and feel prettier, I think it's her self issues more than anything personally.

I understand what Rcoreyus is saying, but also, she needs to desire you was the point I was trying to make, feel a tad, wow, he looks great, I was more pointing out that you need her to "see you", than suggesting that you play a power game against her, use reverse physcology regarding how she sees you, whilst somehow you find the way for her to see herself, as she should see herself, beautiful in your eyes.

Romance, buy her a dress then ( Rcors...) haha, and take her for dinner and don't ask for or expect anything at all, that night.

Tell her she looks beautiful more often and leave it at that.

But, I still think also to look smart and suprise her as well, let her see the man she married.

CW

[withered_rose]

i am sorry to hear that your wife is not interested in sex with you, to me that sounds like there is something that is either causing a mental block with her, or there is something hormonally wrong. did she have anything happen to her in her childhood that could have effected her sex life? how was the sex life before you got married? and before now? has it always been like this between the two of you? Its frustrating being with someone that you feel doesnt want you physically, and for that I am sorry. but i think she needs to have her hormones checked and you need to have a heart to heart with her, i dont know how close the two of you are but you guys may need to have a good long chat about a lot of things.

[rcoreyus]

I don't know about the original poster, but in my case, the few attempts to have a heart-to-heart have left her very upset and completely unwilling to talk. (and I've been as nice as I can possibly be).

Again, don't know about the original poster, but in my case, we never had an active sex life. I was young foolish, and deeply in love, and thought that with time it would change. Now I'm old, foolish, deeply in love, but after a quarter-century have decided that it won't change - except slowly for the worse as it has been.

I still belive that some people just are not interested in sex. It doesn't matter to them, and they don't see any reason to change.

[scotty5309]

I am 5"8, size 10 Australian, currently bordering 12... 5 kilo's over my ideal weight.

I have to say, that I don't feel as attractive at present, it has gotten me down a bit, as the button on my skirts don't quite close and naked, well I still feel good, 67 kilos is not over weight, but I don't feel "sexy" and "confident" naked to be in front of a man.

Perhaps, she has self issues as WildChild has mentioned.

Perhaps she feels older as well, getting on top, being over weight, un-attractive in the bounce.

I understand the Missionary, my ex-husband ended up with 4 disks gone in his back, and preferred spooning which I have to say, is probably your only position comfortable for you, but it always, always just felt like SEX to me, even if there was slight foreplay (never enough) but that's my story. If she also won't go down on you, there is no excitment, it has to just be sex, which doesn't cut it for a woman.

I think somehow you need to still tell her she is beautiful but find a way whereby you can still conduct outside activities, and strengthen your disability, my ex did, he rides his motor bike to start with? Anyways, so that she also at the same time can get fitter, therefore healthier and look at herself in the mirror and feel prettier, I think it's her self issues more than anything personally.

I understand what Rcoreyus is saying, but also, she needs to desire you was the point I was trying to make, feel a tad, wow, he looks great, I was more pointing out that you need her to "see you", than suggesting that you play a power game against her, use reverse physcology regarding how she sees you, whilst somehow you find the way for her to see herself, as she should see herself, beautiful in your eyes.

Romance, buy her a dress then ( Rcors...) haha, and take her for dinner and don't ask for or expect anything at all, that night.

Tell her she looks beautiful more often and leave it at that.

But, I still think also to look smart and suprise her as well, let her see the man she married.

CW

Thanks CW, you are so wonderful and helpful with all of your replies, I can't thank you enough. BTW, what is spooning? (sorry to be a dummy!)