[rcoreyus]

How do people feel about variations on power exchange. Everything from spanking, bondage, role-playing, etc. Something you enjoy in real life or fantasy?

Though I can't say why, its something I enjoy - both as dominant and submissive. My wife isn't thrilled by it so we don't play that way much. I;m usually good at self-analysis, but in this case I can't figure out why I find it exciting - especially since I like both sides. I tend to like forced-sex type fantasies, more than pain or dominance, and I completely dislike any sort of humiliation / degradation scenarios. (though others are free to enjoy any kinks they wish).

This is claimed to be a pretty common fantasy, but I don't know how many people want to or get to act on it.


Just to be clear here I'm talking about forced sex play between consenting partners, not actual forced sex or real rape which are a completely different thing.

[jen1447]

lol - why are all these sex topics always so complicated?

Okay, here goes .....

I don't think I'm into BDSM strictly, as I don't run around in thigh high leather chaps cracking whips and stuff like that, and boyfriend doesn't wear those studded leather skull caps, handcuffs, or chastity penis cages or whatever they call them. But I will admit that it turns me on that he submits to me. I guess it may be a power thing, but it's not abusive. I don't do anything that's actually outside the realm of a shared (and mutually enjoyed) experience. I guess it's sort of a wink-wink thing that's still nonetheless based in reality, with the reality being that I really am dominant over him, and the wink-wink being that the related play is just for fun.

As far as acting it out goes, the only thing that we really get up to is role reversal. No spanking, bondage, etc.

Like you rcoreyus, I'm not really sure why it's hot for me. It's not like I'm domineering by nature (far from it). I guess I could speculate that I appreciate the respect and acknowledgement, and that I take satisfaction and pleasure in knowing that I'm a powerful woman that way.

I personally don't find submissiveness arousing fwiw, at least not just for submissiveness' sake. But if a man or woman actually has the balls to challenge me or try to 'put me in my place,' that can be arousing. Pretend won't work for that though, you have to actually be a challenge to me. The boyfriend also is not naturally submissive by nature. Maybe that's part of the appeal too - that I've 'broken' a typically aggressive guy and bent him to my will.

[DreamP346]

I actually brought up this topic a while back because I was also fascinated about power play in sex. Things that would be unacceptable in everyday life is arousing in the bedroom. Why?

https://www.womens-health.com/boards/sex/50898-sex-control-submission-humiliation-pain.html

I am a dominate type A person. I like being the boss and telling other people what to do. But in the bedroom, being submissive is very arousing. I guess its the ultimate surrender to somebody. I have always been the dominant one in all my sexual relationships. I liked it that way. My husband was the only person I wanted to be submissive with. He is also the only man I have ever loved. Unfortunately he is not into power play at all. However, as much as it is arousing in the bedroom, I could never do this outside the bedroom in everyday life. I NEED TO BE IN CONTROL.

[jen1447]

You sound like a challenge, 346.

That was a very interesting thread btw, thanks for linking.

[rcoreyus]

sp346 that was a good thread, too bad I missed it.

It brings up the really interesting / important point that some couples like play domination in the bedroom, and others like "real" 24/7 control - in the sense that there is a "real life" dominant / submissive relationship. In my case, I think power **play** is great fun, but it is completely different from what I want in real life (is that part of the appeal?). In real life I don't like clear power structures / hierarchies and relationships where one partner is dominant in real life disturb me. (people are welcome to them, but I can't help my visceral negative reaction to that sort of thing).

In bed though, given the chance I'd be up for fairly strong dominance, force / rape play - but with the absolute requirement that both parties are enjoying themselves. I get unhappy if my wife tries to pressure me into doing real world things, but being tied to the bed and made her sex-slave for a few hours would be great fun. (people are so irrational). Similarly throwing her on the bed and "raping" her would be great fun, yet if I ever accidentally cause her the slightest pain or unhappiness its an instant turn-off for me. So, I could enjoy beating her with a riding crop, but feel really bad if I accidentally stepped on her foot.

In some ways I'm the opposite of Jen1447, I would not want someone to "really" submit to me, or to submit to someone, but I love the idea of pretending to do so.

Yet another direction is a female friend of mine who is a sub. She enjoys the sort of play where she proves her toughness by resisting the pain that is inflicted on her. To me this is disturbing - we would be completely incompatible playing together (separate from the fact that I don't engage in any sexual activity other than with my wife).

Sexuality is really complicated - one of the reasons its fun to talk about.

[Avatar Nirvana]

My boyfriend and I enjoy light bondage. During sex, my boyfriend is in control until up to one point: he is submissive when I tie him up, and he is the only one allowed to be tied up. Nothing serious as the full dominatrix role, just tying his hands behind his back and doing what I want with him is erotic enough for both of us. I was sketchy about it when he asked me to tie him up since I viewed it as torture, but after doing a lot of research, talking about it with him and actually doing the tying, I can't imagine sex without it. Because of this, he wants me to be more dominant all over.

I also noticed my personality has changed since I became a little more dominant. I was always the shy little (4'11") girl fearful of being assertive with the changes of my life. My current example of my assertiveness is starting my career. I'm now more motivated to talk to the interviewer who didn't give me the job to ask for advice, networking options and if there is any other job I can do, rather than crying and dwelling on the fact that I didn't get the job. I think to myself "If I can pin down a 6' guy and put him in the most vulnerable position during sex, then I can pin down an interviewer with questions and advice on how to succeed."

You never know if trying new roles in the bedroom will ever change your personality in life.

[jen1447]

That's interesting Avatar ....so in your case, the role play led to the reality? I think it's pretty cool btw that a petite woman can physically control a relationship.

[Avatar Nirvana]

That's interesting Avatar ....so in your case, the role play led to the reality? I think it's pretty cool btw that a petite woman can physically control a relationship.

Oh absolutely! I feel like I'm not afraid anymore of tackling big things in my life. I wonder if my boyfriend thinks the same way about our height differentiations. In fact, now I think I'm thinking more about sex than he is!

[jen1447]

Aw, maybe poor BF got more than he bargained for and now it's too late to stop it?

Seriously tho, I understand fully about sexual control and how that translates directly into confidence in all aspects of life. Just goes to show how important a healthy, vibrant, fully realized sexuality and a great sex life in general can be to our overall well-being.

[atskitty2]

Not sure how I missed this thread.

I would enjoy this, and would like to try both Dom and sub roles. I think I'd like the sub role more however- that's more my fantasy. I could see myself taking the reigns on occasion tho!
Coming from a marriage that I felt was lacking participation from my hubby, I really crave a man who is confident and strong enough to be rough and tough with me at times, that knows I can take it and enjoy it.

At the same time it would be arousing for my man to be comfortable and trust me enough to tie him up or make him submit to me...if he was into it and not just doing it for me, I would be completely involved and do whatever I could to excite him and pleasure him.

Obviously I've done neither. I may feel differently if/when I try it