[someonereal_]

There are certain traps that relationships fall into. One being expectation. Once an expectations has been placed and is NOT met it begins to take shape as a form of disappointment, lack of caring, or even abandonment. However if they ARE met then it doesn't have any effect at all, meaning the reason it was placed in the beginning has become so repetitive you become numb to it. Rather it serves as a security blanket eventually causing both people in the relationship to not feel anything for each other which was the purpose of the expectation in the first place.An example of this is a couple going out every saturday, or calling eathother the same time before they go to work/school. Hope that didn't confuse you. haha

no no it didn't confuse me at all. thank you, that makes a lot of sense.. i think i have fallen into this trap. i seem to expect more from him because of the mistakes he's made in the past..and it has certainly led to disappointments. i'm sure if i didn't expect too much, i'd once in a while be pleasantly surprised by the things he does for me. how do you think a couple can pull themselves out of a trap like this one? i don't suppose it's very easy just to throw away all the expectations, is it?

The question is if the two of you continue to enrich each other's lives?

hmm..that's hard to say now. back when we were in the university together, we certainly did enrich each others' lives. we were both inspired and we did well in school. now he lives 2 hours away because of work and i've entered grad school so it's not as easy as it used to be. (this is also why i don't get that many opportunities to give positive reinforcement.) we're both quite busy, him more than me, and we only see each other twice a month when he comes to visit. we do text each other though.

recently he's been especially engaged in work and so he hasn't been texting much and that has cause some distress on my end, which led to this thread. i admit it has distracted me, i've been imagining unpleasant things, and my studies have taken a back seat. (i've noticed that when things aren't going very well with our relationship my studies suffer...) i suppose in that sense my life isn't being enriched. but i think that's partly my fault too because i expect him to text, which was LLL's point.

[CHANDLERS WISH]

Guess LLL missed answering this one, so bringing it up.

CW

[Livelaughlove]

no no it didn't confuse me at all. thank you, that makes a lot of sense.. i think i have fallen into this trap. i seem to expect more from him because of the mistakes he's made in the past..and it has certainly led to disappointments. i'm sure if i didn't expect too much, i'd once in a while be pleasantly surprised by the things he does for me. how do you think a couple can pull themselves out of a trap like this one? i don't suppose it's very easy just to throw away all the expectations, is it?

Well this is difficult to answer because I feel it is the mans responsibility.

Its a balance of not giving the S/O what he/she always wants, and giving them what they want but on your terms.

The problem with this is that because I'm giving you this advice and not him you are the one that is leading the relationship which gives you the power and depending on your self esteem it may make you question his masqulinity.... at least subconsciously.

There always has to be a hint of mystery in a relationship! You can't throw away all expectations because it will cause you and him to question the reality you two are living. However you CAN ease out of it. For example if you speak to each other every night at the same time. Give him a call an hour early one night then an hour late. Then tell him your going to be busy so you can't talk to him one night. Then take him out another.

Nobody ever said relationships are easy? haha

Hope this helps

Live laugh and love