[Immdar]

Well after allot of talking and some fighting we are going to give it a try without distractions. Here is my new dilemma. I need some fresh ideas for quality time that we can do at home after kids are in bed and such. I need new things to try and get that connection that we used to have back. The only things i can come up with are the same things we used to do and while those will probably work it would be nice to do something different

[Hopeless Dork]

Giving each other back massages (not necessarily sensual ones unless you are in that mood) is a good way to communicate about your day, relax and be close and feel good all at the same time.

If you like video games, board games, cards, something you can be competitive about that will encourage and renew some playfulness and teamwork.

Depending on the ages of your kids/access to sitters etc.. going for a nice walk in the evening- a way to get some fresh air, clear your heads and talk with no distractions and just enjoy the weather and each others company.

Get hooked on a new tv series together, or have a movie night based on different themes.

Cook a meal together, again teamwork, being playful and doing something productive at the same time.

If there is something you both want to learn, ballroom dancing, yoga, etc.. take a class together - if you can't get out of the house pick an instructional dvd or books on something you want to learn and do it together.

Plant a garden, build something together.

[Nikitamarya23]

I am so sorry to hear that. Another member and I were talking about a similar dilemma. We both feel that men and women can't be friends without the other being attracted to them. She asked me when responding to my questions about whether or not I should worry about my boyfriend having so many friends who are women, Have you ever met her friends? Have you ever gone out with her and her friends? Is this a group thing when she goes out, or does she just go out with the guy?[/QUOTE]

My question to you is, do you still love her?

Because it sounds like you don't. You stated that if it weren't for the kids you would leave. It almost sound like you have completely given up on her. I remember my boyfriend and I use to talk about getting married and so forth and after I ended up pregnant seems like marriage just went out the window and he began to say that he couldn't get married right now now isn't the time, but before that he was saying how he would love to get married (but even then he did say, but he couldn't take care of me like he would like to) The thing is, he never mentions it anymore.

Anyway, I have gone off on a tangent. Investigate the matter. Find out who she is hanging out with and when. She may say that she is going out with friends but is she really. That could be an excuse for her to go hang out with him, or she could be out with her friends but then she may isolate herself with that one guy. Since you can check online about how often she text and so forth, why don't you take it a step further and find out what she and this man are texting back and forth, this will also solve your problem. Just don't get caught. I checked my man's cell but got caught. Considering that she is becoming defensive (the way you describe it) there may be more going on.

My aunt always told me, "when a partner is getting defensive about questions being asked, that's when you need to worry?