[caterpillar79]

SP has a point. Re-evaluate yourself, figure out how you perceive your future with him. Is he worth the sacrifice? Don't burden yourself with unnecessary load. It'll make you grow old faster.

[Karma3]

Don't kid yourself, alot more goes on in the VIP rooms at these strip clubs than you think. Depending on how much they want to spend is what will come out of it. One guy I know went to a strip club one night in the back room and the stripper was up and down his arm and finally orgasmed and sprayed on his arm (apparently that is why a small towel is put on the guys leg when they give them a lap dance). I guess in this instance it didn't really matter? This is just disgusting and I can just imagine what he was doing in order for her to do this to begin with.

[Greenflash]

lap dances

After reading this thread it amazes me how tolerant some people are... which is good and bad I suppose. The BF going to the strip club even occaisionally is very disrespectful towards you, and that to me is the bottom line.
Yrs ago when I was single I went to a few and it was the typical scenario, although I did have interactions with a couple of the dancers outside of the establishment. A few times it was just to go out for a meal, but one other time it was for more and not "pay to play". The dancers for the most part despise the guys that come in there, and just do it for money. Also, most of the dancers have issues which is why they do that in the first place.
Back to the BF in question.... it sounds like he is very insecure, and although he comes across boisterous and confident he isn't except when trying to prove himself to his buddies or even to you.
There are lots of other places and ways to wind down besides going to a strip club and that don't involve other women dressed in next to nothing. You have told him that you find it unacceptable, and he still continues to go. Your decision will have to be whether or not you will put up with it and allow yourself to be treated this way, or stand up and say enough is enough.
My wife and I have gone to a couple of strip clubs together in Vegas, as a "tease" or added excitement and then gone back to our hotel room TOGETHER. It can actually be fun doing it together, whereas going alone leads to the "blue balls" that has been mentioned already
Maybe you can tell the BF you want to go with him and see how that goes over. ?
I realize I may be ridiculed for some of what I said here, but i'm just being honest

[MandyBee23]

Maybe you can tell the BF you want to go with him and see how that goes over. ?
I realize I may be ridiculed for some of what I said here, but i'm just being honest

I would do that, and I'd actually like to try, but I am afraid I’m going to get upset or in a bad mood while I’m there because he is looking at other women. I know its normal, I look at men, but not right in front of him.

I know he is someone I want to be with for a very long time. I think I get over heated when he goes and just can't learn to calm down. I just can't stop thinking about if he is getting lap dances or not ( and I know he wasn’t before but now that he goes with a lot of his single friends its starting to make me wonder) One of his friends said to him in front of me “you owe me a lap dance” and neither of them looked at me as if he slipped up (but I could be reading way into that) and I am afraid to bring it up or simply ask him about it cause I’m sure it will start a huge argument. And in a few months he is going to be organizing a bachelor party and I know he will let women be all over him. Maybe I don’t know that but it seems highly likely, I just don’t know how to put my foot down with out it causing a big ordeal.

The other night we were driving back from the movies and I said to him “If you ever acted like those guys in the movie at your friends bachelor party then you can forget us” and then he said “I don’t care” and I said “really? Wow I can’t believe you just told me you don’t care” and then he said “well I wanna have fun” so I said “ I never said you couldn’t have fun” and then we didn’t talk for the rest of the night, he played the song “faithfully” by Journey while I was trying to sleep so I could hear it (that probably means nothing but I’d like It to lol)

Oh and as far as I know he hasn’t been to a club in almost two months, though I’m sure he will go tonight because I’m staying with my family for the night.

[Guest]

Mandy the more you talk about the things he says to you, the more I think he is the one who is insecure. He seems to WANT to try to take you down some notches and make himself seem like he's more important or attractive to other women than he thinks YOU think.

Know what I mean? Why why why would a guy that frequents strip clubs, tell his gf that hes taken strippers home before? To make her feel BETTER about him going? Either he is not the brightest bulb, likes drama or is trying to make you insecure... because he himself is feeling insecure.

Maybe he thinks you are out of his league and is constantly trying to prove to you he is worthy but is going about it bootaybackwards.

Could it be that he's trying to control her? I had a bf like that once... he was telling me that these girls were "still in love with him" when he's the one throwing logs into the fire; if you know what I mean.

MandyBee Hun; you don't need a guy that can't get his priorities right. And you don't need a guy that will put you down in front of his friends. Sounds to me that he's thinking about himself. And who cares if you come off as the b!tch. You are expressing how you feel and who cares if his friends MIGHT think you are. YOU are the one that's in the relationship...NOT THEM. I think he's trying to have his cake and eat it too. YOU need to think about YOURSELF too.

[MandyBee23]

Yeah, It's just the more I am a the more I feel I will push him away with the argueing and fighting.

I guess I need to find a way to be a with out starting a yelling match.

[caterpillar79]

Crucial conversation rule #1: start by telling him how you feel when he does what...do this in a very calm and loving manner. Don't tell him, because you ...blah- blah... this will escalate him unto getting p_ssed at you. Just focus unto your feelings and thoughts when he does whatever it is...and that you don't like feeling that way, and that you are doing your best to deal with it, but this time, you need his support on this. End by asking: how can you help me not feel/think like this? I want US to work...etc.

[sophienirrep]

Would he let you go with him, my bf goes to strip clubs every so often, and i was okay with this he was completely honest about what happened there and how he felt. So one night i asked if i could join him, he was not very up with the idea at first but then came around to it. I went the first time and it helped alot basically i found it to be entertainment. they are very strict and not allowed to touch the girls, even if they lift their hands to scratch their nose they are told to put them back down at their sides. Anyway when we got outside my bf pulled me into an alley..... enough said. i would go with him again.

[WildChild]

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