[WildChild]

Personally I have no use for or interest in "players". But then I have never put myself into the club/bar/pick up scene. I have had women friends who have been immersed in that type of atmosphere and generally they are very insecure, bed hop looking for connection and someone to feed their ego, even if it's just for a night. My observation has been that they confuse flirting and pick up lines with intellect or wit and think a one night stand indicates a deeper interest from a man than just a chance to dip his wick. While they may hide it from the men somewhat, I've dealt with more than one of them who became suicidal because some guy they let pick them up and they spent the night with, didn't want anything more. There may be well balanced women who essentially don't want anything but sex and perhaps some casual entertainment who handle the whole pick up thing with aplomb, but overall the sub culture of women still carries so much damage from generations of culturally endemic abuse, dependency and belittlement, that few are can really handle it consistently.

I had a neighbor, a younger friend, I watched with bemusement. He would literally pick up two or three women a night at clubs. Said he adored women, worshipped them and he probably did for the brief time he was with them. But, as I told him, "you don't know how to love One." He was like a kid in a candy store with $500, he wanted everything he saw. There is very limited personal growth in this.

I guess it comes down to where you are in life, what you want out of life and relationships and why you think we are here. I think we are here to learn and grow. And I believe we need to strive to do so causing as little harm to others as possible. While it is important to be able to stand on your own, independent, our greatest personal growth is usually in close interaction with others. LTRs provide a different level and quality of interaction, it is impossible to keep up pretenses indefinitely. When we act consciously within an LTR we have to face who we really are and look at ourselves in the other's mirror. That is where we really learn who and what we are.

[OG612]

Bah - you can't fib to me

Don't listen to him, UB. He's just an old man. Like REALLY old! Like... 30 or something!

There are three things that all men want....and two of em are money.

Bill Engvall said that a guy's three motivating factors are "Food, Sleep, and Sex."

That's all good to hear. But you'll find out soon enough....A relationship founded on lies and half truths won't last.

It can actually. But you have to turn in to a habitual liar. What the PUA community does wrong, and many guys (unfortunately) misinterpret this, is espouse the line "it's not lying, it's flirting." Inviting a woman back to your place to watch your cat do backflips is a good way to get her back to your house. Granted by this time she already knows that A) you most likely DON'T have a cat, and B) it gives her an excuse the next day as to why she went home with you in the first place.

It depends...a reaction can vary from irritating to annoying to pleasantly surprised to oh snap he's hot. Just depends on how you are received. The thing you need to remember is that no matter what their reaction is, there are a hundred other girls there and you have options.

In other words, get in to Harem Management!

Cold approach....is that PUA lingo? Reminds me of my insurance sales training, lol.

It's more of a sales term than anything else.

Cold Approach: "Open" a woman you've never talked to before with a chat up line.

Warm Approach: Introduced by a friend and given minimal background.

Hot Approach: You two know each other rather well. Basically, trying to turn your girl friend in to your girlfriend.

No offense to the ladies, but asking a woman what she wants to hear at any given time is futile.

It's like asking a politician to tell the truth. You'll get hit from every angle, but you might not get what it is you want.

-However-
Making note of something that attracted you to the woman in the first place is a good way to go. But don't put her out of your league with your first line. Be sincere. Be ballsy...be fun....what do you have to lose?

Dignity.

OG

[Guest]

Don't listen to him, UB. He's just an old man. Like REALLY old! Like... 30 or something!

LOL - I've got a few years before I'm 30, grandpa.

Bill Engvall said that a guy's three motivating factors are "Food, Sleep, and Sex."

So that explains the obesity epidemic in the U.S.

In other words, get in to Harem Management!

Which essentially means - learn how to fib, hide panties, and password protect your blackberry.

It's like asking a politician to tell the truth. You'll get hit from every angle, but you might not get what it is you want.

OG agreed with me? Man, you must be getting old, too!

[Livelaughlove]

I am a man, 20 years old. I have never been successful with women and last year I went about changing that and got into pickup (getting good at picking up girls in clubs). I have always considered myself to be a geek and not having too many females in my life.

So basically, after lots and lots random approaches in clubs, getting girls numbers ect and getting rejected lots, in my face, I was just wondering how you felt about this?

Are you happy that guys like me who go from never being able to get a girlfriend to someone that gets phone numbers and meets a lot of women, i.e. a player?

For those of you that have never heard of pickup it is becoming more and more common. I have read books such as The Game and Mystery Method which have taught me so much and has helped my confidence so much.

Just wondering if you like the idea or not. Sorry for busting in on a females forum!

Everyone In my life knows about my involvement in pick up. From my parents to my boss. I also have told every single girl that I've picked up that Im a pick up artist.

There acceptance of pickup is highly Dependant on how you phrase it. As long as you bring it up in a way that doesn't "Feel wrong" to a women then she will accept it and infact encourage your growth!

I turned my sister into a FPUA and I helped my cousin find her now husband. Im sure as you know pick up has very little to do with actually PICKING UP WOMEN. It instead is centered through self-improvement and a greater understanding of social psychology and using that to captivate the attention of others. Men and women alike!

Accept that you are making the best of your life and I guarantee there will never be ONE women who will think that is wrong!

Live laugh and love

[ThexMrs]

My theory is "Guys you meet at the bar, you leave at the bar." They're great to be entertained by through out the night and definitely great for getting drinks from, seldom good for conversation but that's it. Okay, okay... If I'm feeling naughtry they're okay for kissing but I'm VERY picky about that.

Going from a geek to a player doesn't mean anything. It doesn't mean you're better looking, no longer a geek or anything of that sort. It means you read some books and picked up on some girls. Big whoop? You still are who you are unless you've become a total fake. Don't ever be someone you're not. Besides, any one of those girls could either be giving you the wrong number, giving it to you cause they feel bad but aren't going to answer or they could be desperate and drunk. All are possibilities.

Don't let this go to your head.

[UberBicep]

Im sure as you know pick up has very little to do with actually PICKING UP WOMEN. It instead is centered through self-improvement and a greater understanding of social psychology and using that to captivate the attention of others. Men and women alike!

Agreed. I feel like I can socialise now. Make friends. I have never had many friends my whole life. Now I have many. Doing things all the time. I feel like I can connect with people. Its changed my life. Main lesson learned from pickup is that nothing matters. Ever. Relax and go with the flow.

Accept that you are making the best of your life and I guarantee there will never be ONE women who will think that is wrong

I'm on the right road. But I wonder if I will ever feel "fulfilled". I see that I have improved myself so much, but wonder if this improvement will ever stop.

[CHANDLERS WISH]

Main lesson learned from pickup is that nothing matters. Ever. Relax and go with the flow.

Called confidence. Called, you can't/won't win them all and it doesn't matter.. You learn to accept everyone for who they are and you have a peace about you, whilst making those new friends. And, I think, people see you differently, very giving, very at ease with yourself, respectful of others and yourself, confident in the right way.

Will it stop? I'll let LLL answer that one...

CW

[Livelaughlove]

My theory is "Guys you meet at the bar, you leave at the bar." They're great to be entertained by through out the night and definitely great for getting drinks from, seldom good for conversation but that's it. Okay, okay... If I'm feeling naughtry they're okay for kissing but I'm VERY picky about that.

The fact is That person you meet at a bar is the same person who is standing behind you at the grocery store.

The venue is not whats important!

Going from a geek to a player doesn't mean anything. It doesn't mean you're better looking, no longer a geek or anything of that sort. It means you read some books and picked up on some girls. Big whoop?

1. Geek = socially inept person a social outcast
Player = Confident, attractive social person

The amount of work and dedication that it takes to transform yourself into a Confident social person if your an outcast is so overwhelming that most people would rather be stuck.

You still are who you are unless you've become a total fake. Don't ever be someone you're not. Besides, any one of those girls could either be giving you the wrong number, giving it to you cause they feel bad but aren't going to answer or they could be desperate and drunk. All are possibilities.

Don't let this go to your head.

A typical person has multiple personas. They have one persona for there family, one for work, one for friends, and the one they have for themself is COMPLETELY different from all the others!

So how can someone be themself?

The solution is BECOMING the person you WISH you were. In your journey to become that person you will almost always find that its actually not what you wanted, but in your search you will find all the necassary tools to let go of outside influences and what others think of you becoming what you always were.

You actually have to live this to understand what I mean. It takes years of personal growth!

Called confidence. Called, you can't/won't win them all and it doesn't matter.. You learn to accept everyone for who they are and you have a peace about you, whilst making those new friends. And, I think, people see you differently, very giving, very at ease with yourself, respectful of others and yourself, confident in the right way.

Will it stop? I'll let LLL answer that one...

CW

Not growing as in illusion! If your not growing then your dieing! Everything in life has a

In the words of DonDiegoGarcia: Pick up Artist for Stylelife

For examples:

Money: If you are not investing,
and your money is sitting under your mattress.
It's losing value because of inflation.

Body: If you are not exercising and getting in better shape,
you are losing ground and growing soft due to atrophy.

Social Life: If you are not starting new relationships
or developing existing relationships,
ALL your relationships are slowly fading away.

This idea is related to something called "Opportunity Costs"
where one choice necessarily bears the cost of
not being able to choose any other choice.

So what?

The "so what" to this idea is that we need to stop complacency.
There is no complacency.
Complacency is a myth.

There is no stasis,
so stop fooling your self with lies to your self like,
"It's OK - I'll stay in my Comfort Zone"
It's not OK.
Your Comfort Zone is a lie.
Your Comfort Zone is not safe.
Your Comfort Zone is dangerous.

A very serious but radical re-frame is required.
Your Comfort Zone is actually hurting you because it is disallowing the opportunity of action,
and especially the proven fruits of
repeated, deliberate, focused, constantly improving action."

Live laugh and love

[Livelaughlove]

Everything in life has a moment where it no longer beneficial to you!

There is no PRESENT! Evey second that passes by is in your past, every second in front of you is in your future.

So understanding this basic principle is to understand life! Being stuck and not growing is to keep yourself somewhere that doesn't exist.

Maybe to philosophical? haha

Live laugh and love

[Little]

Answering the base question:
I get hit on all day at work. I don't want to get hit on anywhere else. If I want to hit on a guy, he'll know ... eye contact, smiling, laughing ... it would be mutual.
When I was single, I went to bars with my girlfriends. I went there with them because I wanted to spend time with them! I wanted to drink and dance with my friends, not men. If we got hit on, we were usually pretty annoyed ... we didn't go for someone to bust up on our party!
Now that I'm in a relationship, I would really get annoyed. I think it's pretty disrespectful to hit on somebody without knowing them at all, not knowing if they have an SO, spouse, etc at home.