[kygirl]

Okay, so this requires a bit of explanation for those of you who have been following me... about a month ago, I was seeing two guys. I decided to just keep seeing the smarter guy, even though honestly I still wished he was a bit more socially engaging. On Christmas Day, I got an email from a guy I have been in school with for a couple years now. We've talked a few times about life and whatnot, but I hadn't much the last semester because of my schedule. I was surprised because last I heard, he was married (hence my separated post).

He and his wife have been separated for 6 months. The holdup on the divorce is purely financial. She's moved out everything she had from the house, along with most everything they got together. She's been dating and he'd been out with another girl a few weeks before he contacted me, but realized she was way too young.

So, at first, I wasn't sure if I should go out with him. I know he's a nice guy but I didn't know the situation, what was going on, etc. But I decided, I should at least go in person and see if there was chemistry, etc. So I did. It was absolutely wonderful. I've never been so at ease on a first date, we talked like crazy about everything, we laughed, and very unplanned, I ended up spending the night at his house.

We went out again this weekend and spent basically 24 hours together. He is such an amazing guy. He has all the qualities I've been looking for and he is the best of both worlds with humor and intelligence.. I am so happy when I'm around him or thinking about him and my Best Friend likes him and she has NEVER liked anyone I've dated...

Issue: I'm getting a bit paranoid now. I really like him. More so than I have liked anyone in a long time. I feel like I've known him forever (probably because I have known him for a while). But I just keep waiting for something to happen and I'm not sure why exactly? I keep waiting for him to turn into a jerk and there are moments where I start to think, maybe I should just not do this. Then I have an occassional thought of his ex-wife dragging this thing out even longer if she finds out he is seeing someone...

Thoughts? Should I just chill out?

[Texinator]

But I just keep waiting for something to happen and I'm not sure why exactly? I keep waiting for him to turn into a jerk and there are moments where I start to think, maybe I should just not do this.

That seems to be a common theme. People convince themselves the 'honey moon period' has to end eventually, and when that doesn't happen by itself, they lose patience and do something to make it end.

But why does he have to turn into a jerk? Why do the good times have to end? Do you think you don't deserve to be with someone good?

[pretzel]

Couple of thoughts,

First, by all indications, both of them are now on their own. She's moved her things out and has started rebuilding her life. It seems he has also. So it seems that there is the intent to end the marriage.

Secondly, it definately seems that once the financial aspect is settled. If there are no children and it's just property being settled then that should be able to be settled within another 6 months. Property Settlement Agreements are generally attached to the Divorce Decree. Also, 6 months in is really not a long time. Getting all the necessary filings only works as quickly as the local Prothonatary's Office.

[WildChild]

Just relax, he won't be really free for a while. Spend time together but try not to get too attached, he could be rebounding. GIve both of you some time to find out.

[kygirl]

But why does he have to turn into a jerk? Why do the good times have to end? Do you think you don't deserve to be with someone good?

He doesn't. It's unfortunately just been my experience. I realize everyone is different. But I just cant help but be a little afraid.

As far as if I deserve someone or not. I'm sure I do. I just don't always believe it. a lot of times, I probably don't really think I do deserve someone who treats me like a lady and makes me feel good about myself. I know I shouldn't push that off on an innocent party but I don't know how to really get over that hump?

[kygirl]

Couple of thoughts,

First, by all indications, both of them are now on their own. She's moved her things out and has started rebuilding her life. It seems he has also. So it seems that there is the intent to end the marriage.

Secondly, it definately seems that once the financial aspect is settled. If there are no children and it's just property being settled then that should be able to be settled within another 6 months. Property Settlement Agreements are generally attached to the Divorce Decree. Also, 6 months in is really not a long time. Getting all the necessary filings only works as quickly as the local Prothonatary's Office.

Pretzel,

Thanks for your thoughts. I do get every indication that once the house is sold things will be done. I just have to wait that out. We've had this discusson in depth already. I'm very for being upfront from the getgo. I asked him his thoughts about if there was any chance for reconcilliation, specifics about what had to be finalized, and even whether he felt this has made him think he might never get married again. He's been very straightforward with me, so I have no reason at this point to believe any differently.

Thanks

[kygirl]

Just relax, he won't be really free for a while. Spend time together but try not to get too attached, he could be rebounding. GIve both of you some time to find out.

I know you're right WC. I just don't know how well the not getting attached is going to go. I do hope he's not rebounding. I did express my concerns on that. He feels that under the circumstances, he doesn't think it is a rebound situation since he's had some time to think through things.

That of course, doesn't mean it's not... BUT he at least seems open to seeing what happens. I do think there will be some hesitation until it's official, but then again, I thought I would never date someone who was separated, and here am I....

My rules just keep going out the window

[LanaBear]

Don't let the past dictate how you feel about someone in the future.

Just sit back, chill out and go with the flow. If the chemistry is there, that's a good thing. Don't wait for something bad to happen, that's a sure fire way to kill a good thing.

I do agree with WC though, until the dust settles on his marriage and divorce, try not to get too attached, although, I'm kind of wondering how that is going to go...

[kygirl]

That seems to be a common theme. People convince themselves the 'honey moon period' has to end eventually, and when that doesn't happen by itself, they lose patience and do something to make it end.

But why does he have to turn into a jerk? Why do the good times have to end? Do you think you don't deserve to be with someone good?

One more thing Tex, I do think you're right about the good times not having to end. I just guess I get so nervous because of what I've seen since starting school. It seems a lot of people got married too young and then bam, it was over.

When we were discussing this weekend and I asked if he was down on marriage because of this his reply was: "Marriage doesn't have to be that way. People don't have to pull apart. That's just how it was, but don't think every marriage has to be that way. It's however you make it."

[pretzel]

Pretzel,

Thanks for your thoughts. I do get every indication that once the house is sold things will be done. I just have to wait that out. We've had this discusson in depth already. I'm very for being upfront from the getgo. I asked him his thoughts about if there was any chance for reconcilliation, specifics about what had to be finalized, and even whether he felt this has made him think he might never get married again. He's been very straightforward with me, so I have no reason at this point to believe any differently.

Thanks

Well then, isn't it time for the two of you to rock each other's world?