[rcoreyus]

For your sake, I recommend that you sort this out before you get married (or get into a similar completely committed relationship). Don't get married hoping that the situation will improve, it might not.

[newhere808]

One thing I would like to mention about the counseling, two things actually. The first is that you shouldn't push her into it (not saying you are). You can suggest it and even offer to find her one if she'd like, but don't be too persistent about it. It's very easy for people with a fragile state of mind or emotion to feel as if they are 'broken' or somethings wrong with them when being urged into counseling.

Second, and hand in hand with what has already been said about being super supportive, be prepared for whatever may happen as a result of counseling. Getting past certain issues can sometimes change a persons disposition towards things in their life, and depending on how a counselor goes about trying to help her, she may become 'worse' before she gets better.

Best of luck to you, and I just want to say bravo for hangin in such a tough situation

[Mes T]

As for counselors, I think you implied that she's a college student, right? I've had minimal experience with on-campus counselors, but it was all very positive. You can ask around who the recommended people are. Alternatively you or your girlfriend could go into the office and briefly explain the situation and what kind of counselor you think might suit you best and they'll find someone for you.

Take full advantage of this now, as post graduation, these professionals are going to get expensive!

[Guest]

One thing I would like to mention about the counseling, two things actually. The first is that you shouldn't push her into it (not saying you are). You can suggest it and even offer to find her one if she'd like, but don't be too persistent about it. It's very easy for people with a fragile state of mind or emotion to feel as if they are 'broken' or somethings wrong with them when being urged into counseling.

. . .

OMG, newhere808 is so right about this. i have seen kids who because their parents got divorced were forced to go to counseling, and it completely had the opposite effect on them. they were doing ok with the separation and divorce until they were forced to go to counseling. thats when they did begin to think that everything was their fault. with at least one of them, i know it haunts their soul every day almost 30 years later...

be supportive, suggest she seek help, but tread gently for exactly what was said by newhere808.

[caterpillar79]

I agree with sperosi and newhere. Tread carefully. Also, watch your ways/actions/gestures when you show your affection.

The way my husband and I were able to sort mine was that he is very proactive about my condition, and at the same time, I share to him exactly how I feel WHEN I feel it. I don't delay, and I believe, he taught himself to be more keen on my reactions, facial expressions and other subtle cues, such that he could tell if something is wrong with me.

First few nights, there were just the cuddling, gentle touching (even with that, he is very careful), gentle and loving kisses. He never pushed me into sex, never asked for it, never aggressive. He waited for me until I was ready.

He bought me a book, which he read to me every night as I sat tugged next to him, like a little girl. He facilitated my process of showing affection and receiving it in such a way that I feel safe all the time. Once I feel uncomfortable, we stop and talk about it.

When we decided to go to the next level, we had the lights on. It took me months, actually, until now, once in a while I still need the lights on. I cannot do "it" if I am not emotionally conditioned, hence, I am showered with lots and lots of touches of love here and there, wherever we are - don't get me wrong these are touches that convey affection, not the dirty ones.

I'd say, I am still in the process of healing, but I am way better than I used to be.

Sorry, that was a rant. I thought, maybe sharing my experiences might give you some insight. If you have a question in particular, feel free to PM.

[Lizzy girl]

Niclaus, i do have some information on teh subject if you would be wiling to privatley chat. as i am not so open with this subject. more so very sensitive but do have a lot of helpful words that you and your future wife can use. up to u!

[WildChild]

Remember all, he has to get to 33 posts before being able to PM. This is an automated function - we can't change it.

[caterpillar79]

Remember all, he has to get to 33 posts before being able to PM. This is an automated function - we can't change it.

Oh, yes. I agree. I didn't look at the number of his post.

VM could also be utilized.

[Lizzy girl]

I see .. i forgot about that also. hhhhmm well maybe once i feel a little more comfy i will share on this matter but as for now all i can say for you nic. is re assure her your not going any where. What happened doesnt define her she is still and always will be a woman and a beautiful one at that. no man or thing can take that away no matter what has happened .. also..... She Is in control of her .. No one else but her. what they did was a horrible wretched thing and they will suffer when their time comes. And if she is reading this remember. Repressing may comfort you for a while but there will come days which im sure you know now that it will eat at you alive. Come to terms with this. be it alone or with your partner there by your side. look at your self in the mirror and say......... I am my own person. No one Or thing defines me. What happend has happend i cant take it back i may only go forward. I am stronger now than i was. I am Beautiful I love myself. I am worth love. I am worth being loved by others. And most of all God loves me . God is here with me and he never gives us more than we can handle. ..... And with that note i am getting a little weak so i must close. But remember You are a remarkable woman today. And keep your head up. This will not shortly go away possibly never. but you are alive and we all love you!