[WildChild]

A good relationship requires balance. It's taken me a long time to really get that into my head. I'm usually the one doing to the bulk of the giving and it eventually creates problems. She needs to learn to give, you need to learn to recieve at least part of the time. Doing things for a loved one can make you very happy but if there is no reciprocation, it will eventually catch up with you and cause a problem.

[pretzel]

Sounds like she's found someone willingly wanting to do those things she doesn't want to bother anyone else for.

You're a convenient friend, nothing more.

I think you have different feelings toward her than she towards you.

You're the guy she asks for favors because she knows you won't say no.

[sourpuss]

She using the fact that you are blind with love for her to get treated like a princess. If she really felt the same about you, she'd be doing nice things for you as well.
Unfortunately, you aren't seeing it. She has no attachment to you other than having someone to dote on her. As soon as she's bored with that she'll be gone.

Why don't you feel like you deserve someone who loves you back and treats you as well as you treat them? that's the real question you have to ask yourself.

[stressed]

In the same post you say "things have been great lately, until today" and later on you add "we have been fighting recently"; that's not "things being great", something is wrong.

I understand how fulfilling it is to do things for her but you have obviously reached a stage now when you feel you give much more than you receive. You say it is not that important because you love her, but it is. Because as the time will go by she will keep asking for more and you will soon reach the next stage where you will feel fed up and not loved but used.

She is already very unstable, she tells you she loves you and months later she wants to break up. She is either immature or unsure of her feelings towards you. Talking to her friends instead of you while going out, sure it's mean to do but it's actually very common. Only that by itself wouldn't bother me that much. But she is like this towards you all the time: she asks, you give, she asks for more, you give twice as much and then she wants time to think.

We don't tell you to leave her because it's the 'easy' solution, but because you are unhappy in this relationship, you invest a lot in someone who does not feel the same for you as you do for her and you will most definitely end up getting hurt if things continue as they are. Plus, you might even think that this is how all women are, this is how relationships are, so you won't have the same energy or will to give much to the next person in your life who will love you equally and won't ignore you. Then the tables will turn and you'll be the one not giving anything back, because of the pain this relationship will have caused you. Maybe you don't see it right now, but all the signs say that this is where you are heading.

Still, if you want to work on this, explain to her that you need to feel loved and cared for too, that even though you love doing things for her you need to feel equally appreciated. Cut down on giving to make her need you, or to make her see how it feels like not to receive. Find more interests and wait for her to make more moves and mature. This isn't really the best way to go, but you can work on it if that's what you've decided.

[Demanding penguin]

edittt

[Demanding penguin]

I've talked to her about how I really don't feel appreciated when doing things for her. I mean, she says thank you, but just that is not what being appreciative is. I have cut down, recently on doing overly generous things.

My parents, and some friends, have told me the way she acts in our relationship is very immature; she plays games. I would hope she has matured in the past 5 months, but I realize, she hasn't.

A couple months ago, we were talking about our interests. I like / play all sports, music, I play drums, guitar, bass, piano. None of which, interest her that much, but she said, even though we loved each other so much, it didn't matter what we liked(or how different our interests are). Just the other day, when we got into the fight, she used it against us. She said you like Hockey, basketball, and I like to party.. She's contradicting herself. Thats all she said she likes to do, which I don't like to do at all. I don't have to sit in a house, drinking, to have fun, I have many other ways, but I would still do it just to make her happy.

So should I start doing other things? I do other things already like go to the gym, or hang out with my friends. But what else can I do?

[stressed]

How old is she? Because her argument seems to be "I want to party, you are boring" so to speak, and this argument is often used by young women who are not mentally or emotionally ready to commit to a relationship and want to 'have fun' instead. If all she wants to do is party while you are at home there is a very serious risk that she will find a young guy who is also interested in just partying and she'll leave you for him.

You just sound so more mature than her that I'm amazed how it's been working for you guys for that long. She doesn't do this intentionally but she does seem to be in a phase where "partying and drinking" is the best kind of fun one can have, and this can lead to trouble. She doesn't seem to be ready for your mature kind of relationship and this can take years to change, if she hasn't gone worse in the meantime.

I don't think there's much more you can do, because this is how she is, at least for now. She has to realize for herself that there are more important things in life other than partying and that you are worth more than her friends, but she has to do this by herself, by getting over this phase after having partied enough. I'm just afraid that she will only realize this if you leave her, as this is how it usually goes: they want to party, they lose the person who loved them, they wake up and learn to appreciate people more.

You just have to ask yourself if you are happy with having such a person as your girlfriend and if you have the patience to wait for her to 'grow up'.

[Demanding penguin]

She is 17. And exactly as you said, I think she values her friends more than me or that partying's more important than me. As far as me, it couldn't be more of the opposite. She is more important than anything I can think of, my interests, my friends, and I have some very close friends.

I am happy having her as my girlfriend, besides the partying every once in a while during the school year, when we're together, I could honestly not be any happier. I believe I have a very high tolerance and patience level, because even after all of the: fighting, breaking up, waiting for her to want to get back together, doing everything i do for her, and asking nothing in return, I still have not even entertained the thought of breaking up with her. Even though all of my friends say I deserve better, I don't want better, I want her to grow up

[stressed]

Okay, that makes it more common and expectable in a way (and I'm guessing you knew what you were getting yourself into, as she is quite young for what you are offering her right now). The only thing is, I've seen this going both ways, as in, she will either mature after a couple of years, maybe studying will help her realize this as she's still basically going to school and has classmates, parties etc., or she will want it even more the more you oppose this behaviour. If you tell her to stop partying while she's still in this stage of her life then she might start feeling pressured by you and unhappy. If you have the situation a little 'under control', as in let her go out with her friends when she wants to, as long as she acknowledges your needs and feelings and not overdoing it, then there is a chance that one day she will pay more attention to you than your friends, will have had enough of partying and will be ready to give a lot more than what she currently does.

You do seem to be very patient and you do love her very much. By looking at it from the outside it's easy to say "you deserve better" but you also have to take into account your different phase stages. You are both right, in a way, and there isn't much you can do. But you should keep in mind that it can go either way and it can take years for her to mature. Apart from that, you can even say that she acts 'normal' for her age and all you can do is give her time, not take everything to heart and always remind her that you are serious about this relationship and even though you understand she wants to be around friends, you wouldn't want anything going out of hand.

But, please, do remember for your sake that at this age women can be confused about their feelings and they're not exactly sure what 'love' is (even if that sounds like a cliche).

[Demanding penguin]

I have, and never will say "Stop partying" to her. I am not like that in anyway. If there was something that I didnt want her to do, I would tell her how I feel about it. I would not say, "You can't do that, 'cause i said so"

Its not like I was the one who rushed everything, said I love you first, and talked about our future together. It was all her! and I loved that she did all that.

What can I do? She said she needs time to think... I'm willing to wait. But what else is there that i can do?