[caterpillar79]

Give her the time and space she's asking for. Focus on yourself. Are you still studying? Concentrate.

Pursue your interests and hobbies. Broaden your horizon. Join an Aikido class and learn to focus on your chi. If for one, have a clean break up for now, knowing that she is free to do what she pleases. Breaking up or not, everything is not sure anyway.

Just have that freedom for both of you to explore separately, hoping you can somehow meet as friends if ever possible in the future.

I'm so sorry. I really could not tell you to wait for nothing, as she seems not ready.

[Guest]

Dear OP,

There are only so much advice people can give you. In the forum OR in real life. The main thing here is do YOU want her.... It seems to me, you're validating everything she's doing to you, which isn't good for you or her. You need to understand that before ANY one can be in a stable relationship they need to be stable themselves first. You can't keep riding this emotional roller coaster. Because some day you're going to end up getting sick and throw up. Why not enjoy what you have experienced and leave it at that. The more you come to her rescue, the more she's going to take advantage of you.

Also, she's young... and I'm assuming (correct me if I'm wrong) you're young too. You still have a long way to go to figure out who YOU really are. Don't let ANYONE walk all over you. And that's what she's doing... she's controlling you.

[stressed]

I have, and never will say "Stop partying" to her. I am not like that in anyway. If there was something that I didnt want her to do, I would tell her how I feel about it. I would not say, "You can't do that, 'cause i said so"

Its not like I was the one who rushed everything, said I love you first, and talked about our future together. It was all her! and I loved that she did all that.

What can I do? She said she needs time to think... I'm willing to wait. But what else is there that i can do?

Yes, she was the one saying 'I love you' first, but you have to consider her age, her behaviour and her maturity. Saying it doesn't mean she meant it in the same way you perceive it. Whether you are around her age too or not, you are obviously more mentally mature than her at this point. You have very high expectations from her and if you want to wait you can do so, but you should focus on yourself more than her. You just don't seem to be on the same level, either as friends or as lovers.

[Demanding penguin]

I am just under a year older than her, and yes I am still studying. This is my first relationship, she has had many. She told me in the beginning, and after we got back together, that she has never felt like this about anyone. I have try my hardest to do everything right, not to be too needy, everything you could think of.

But it all somehow, happened again. I've went throught this exact same situation before, and I've tried a lot to prevent it from happening again; somehow it has. It's not like I'm texting her all the time, calling her all the time, or asking to hang out all the time. I learned my lesson, I leave almost all of that to her.

I guess my best bet is to just give us a break for a while?

[stressed]

Yes. You both need a break. You, because you need some time off from giving without receiving, and her, to figure out if she does seriously want you or not. If she wants to come back you should tell her that you only want her back if she is sure about what she wants and only if she is ready to offer as much as you do, because otherwise it won't work. You won't regret a break.

[Guest]

It really doesnt matter what they say, it matters what they do.

she is saying all sorts of nice stuff, but not really doing anything nice.

i've been in your shoes. have/had a "friend", sent them birthday cards, stuff, always checking up on them to see how they are doing.

never once got a happy birthday from them.

what kind of friend do you think that makes them to me?

that's the situation you are in...

[Demanding penguin]

Yeah but she's not just my friend, she's my girlfriend too. She does do things for me, like threw a big surprise party for me on my birthday. But, if you add it all up, its not even close.

I will just tell her that I think we need to take a break from each other and hopefully get back together in a little while.
Does that seem reasonable?

[Demanding penguin]

Alright so, we're taking a break for a little while.

But when we get back together, I really need to know how to keep the spark in our relationship. Like no fighting? or what else?

[stressed]

Well, throwing a surprise party ON YOUR BIRTHDAY is not that much of a surprise is it? It probably didn't require half the planning of what you mostly do for her. A friend could have done that too or a family member.

You made the right choice to agree to a break. When and if you get back together, you should do as you feel, I think you will know what to do when that time comes. But you shouldn't let her come back the same person she is now, otherwise you won't have progressed at all. She must be ready to give as much as you and if she does then you won't have to worry at all about what you have to do, it will all feel normal and as it should. If she hasn't changed and you find yourself feeling the same way, then a break up would probably be for the best.

[FeministBen]

Alright so, we're taking a break for a little while.

But when we get back together, I really need to know how to keep the spark in our relationship. Like no fighting? or what else?

I still think you're lookin at this all wrong. Even though you're on 'a break' you're still entirely commited to her. She can make you run after her, do little for you in return, break up with you and you'll still wait for her and put all the effort in.

I'm tellin you, start hangin with other girls, considerin what it would be like if you were with these people and stop lookin at it as if this girl is your only option for happiness. Even if you believe that, you just need to stop trailin after her like a puppy dog. She will respect you more for it. The onus does not rest entirely on you to make this relationship work, it's a two way thing.

You can realise it now or you can realise it down the line through experience, you need to start lookin out for yourself. Take a step back and do your own thing for a bit or she'll play you mate.

Good luck, really hope it works out.