[CHANDLERS WISH]

Ah, the cheekiness of Men

IDK, I went on heeps of coffee dates, or bar dates, on-line dates, they all sucked.

Then I went on a "date" dinner and well here I am, happy as, with the same person, maybe because he put the effort in? Where mostly, the others had so much baggage and coffee or a drink is a quick getaway, if it doesn't work out.

Dinner on the other hand, gives you time to open up and get to know each other.

Not suggesting every girl you date, but if you have a gut feeling about one, and really like her, then I'd go the little bit of an extra mile.

[GentlemanGhost]

Be you.

If YOU are someone who is romantic, sweet, (i.e. ALL about her as you said) then be that. But if you are someone who by nature does not lean in that direction other than to "secure the catch", then please.....don't "woo" her. Don't fill her mind when how things "could be" and give her some false sense of hope that she's found "the one". Nothing worse than a guy who pretends to be what he thinks you want, so he can get you, then he gets you and POOF....he miraculously evolves into "This is who I am, take it or leave it".

You want her? Or at least you want a shot at it...... so save yourself and the girl ALOT of time. Don't try to read her and determine what she'll like based on who you think she is. Be yourself, true down to your core and expect the same......and if she likes that, then GREAT. If she doesn't, better not to waste time huh?

Just be yourself.

I think I will pass on this. Honestly, a women REALLY doesn't know what she's getting with me if she were to commit to a long term relationship. There is a 50% chance that the kids I have will have autism as I am severely autistic. Am I ever going to tell anyone this? no



Right now, I am improving my severly poor memory with brain exercizes.


Lol, my genetics are so terrible. I think if I were to be straightfoward with a female about who I am, I would have to tell her about my past too. I don't think that is going to happen. I have autistic friends who are single simply because they told the female they were dating about the autism.

I have used a lot of artificial enhancers to get to this point rather than relying on "what god has given me"(creatine,drugs)

Sorry, my whole life has been self-improvement way beyond what I am capable of. I am defiantly not myself(due to good parents and money)

[kira]

"Seems to me your tastes, might include, white, a little sweet and tall, with good conversation, laughter and a date, so how about therefore, letting me buy you a coffee, this week..."

I would absolutely never date any guy that started a conversation and asked for a date like this. After my smirk of mild amusement that conversation would either end quickly or at least he'd better plan to try again later to get a date. I also wouldn't go on a dinner date right off. Awkward. I suck at small talk and I have no fine restaurant skills or any clothes besides jeans and a tshirt until my fiance who is now my husband and my best friend dragged me to a store to play dress up so he can occasionally make me feel completely lost at some expensive place where I fail to hold anywhere near as good of conversation with him as other places. Also a good idea to ask if someone drinks alcohol before asking them to a bar. I hate the taste of the stuff no matter how it's disguised and until they passed the smoking ban across the state that included bars I wouldn't set foot in one if you paid me.

Everyone is an individual. Everyone likes different things. So really being yourself is the right idea no matter how many times you think it fails or how different you think you are from everyone else. You will be more likely to find someone who likes all your characteristics and leads to a long happy relationship if you risk turning a few away with those same characteristics. Kind of like when I was trying to write my profile for online dating sites. I got completely stuck so I looked up all these how to's and ebooks. What to do, what not to do, what to include, how you should sound.... I tried hard several times with several different accounts but it was not me. It was the standard way to attract as many people as possible. I didn't want to attract as many people as possible. The ones I was attracting were annoying enough. So I wrote my profile ignoring the suggestions and guidelines. Maybe I only got a message worth answering every 4-6months and maybe it only resulted in dating 2 guys but I'm now married to one of them. I'll happily stick with 1 good experience and 1 not exactly bad experience that just didn't work out over dozens of mediocre and bad ones.

Not to go too off topic but half the world these days is diagnosed with autism including me. It's become the catch all for psychiatrists when they see someone that doesn't fit what they define as normal but can't be put anywhere else. I don't believe it 99% of the time. There are lots of reasons for not developing full social skills. I know a whole forum of people who haven't. There are lots of reasons for poor memory or noticing things differently from other people. We could make a whole forum of those people. Every person in my computer programming classes could probably be diagnosed autistic on some level. Most of my friends could. My husband could. If I'm autistic my mom definitely is because she doesn't pick up on social interaction at all and it drives me insane sometimes but no one would ever say she was. 5 seperate diagnoses of 5 different disorders later I don't think most psychiatrists have a clue what they are doing. They just try to put a name to something whether it can be categorized or not. Just be you and improve whatever individual problem is causing you difficulty without worrying about the exact name or how you compare to other people.

[Mes T]

Ahhh GG I will NOT let you slip back into your pessimism, just read people's posts without questioning what they're doing on the forum! Most of us long-term posters are here because we enjoy each other's company, and we like talking about this stuff, not necessarily because we're so ridden with problems that we can't take a break from the internet and face the outside.

Quit it! Remember: Optimism!

Speaking of optimism, one of my friend's sisters is autistic. Actually she didn't know about this until she was older and was able to research her "symptoms" herself. She's incredibly smart but has a bit of trouble being social. But that never stopped her from having friends, and recently she also entered a serious relationship.

If you keep harping on your "flaws," you're not going to get anywhere. Just start focusing on what you've got going for you.

Hmmm I was going to say something else but have completely forgotten. Anyway have you called her up yet?

[Mayberry]

Not too long, or she might take it as if you're drooling, even if you are not (some women hate long phone calls). You can ask about her day and keep the 'serious' questions for Startbucks.

Just a thought

What do you mean by "drooling"? I've never heard that term before (except for when babies are making your shoulder wet! lol)

[newhere808]

I would simply suggest not making the conversation sound so robotic or scripted, but you have the general idea. In my opinion the thing to remember when asking a girl out is what she will respond to positively, given her personality. If shs seems like a bar chick, then a polite request for coffee may come off negatively, and vice versa.

However you approach, do your best to sound comfortable. While I agree with your notion not to bare all right away, I wouldn't wait very long before being honest about things like autism, or other things that make you who you are. You can't expect any kind of understanding from a peron if they don't know who you are in the first place, and that goes for both men and women.