[sourpuss]

Occaisional insecurities aside, i'd rather have the circumstance above than someone want me cause i'm attractive. Looks change and fade, who you are is not going to go either of those things over time unless you force it to do so, and I see no reason why you would want to

I agree, for sure. But I'd like to at least know that my boyfriend thinks I'm cute or something. I guess I just don't see the point. Why be in a relationship if you aren't attracted to someone enough to want to even touch them? Just remain friends, right?

[WildChild]

Sourpuss I can relate to how you are feeling. I've gotten a lot of it - all over the board. The, "you'd be perfect ....if", "you're wonderful...but", "you're so sweet/smart/caring/pretty....but". It's like there is always a disclaimer. Often times it's something related to them, "I don't want to be in a relationship", "I need time for..." "I'm not good enough, I know you'll leave me." The question then is, why did you draw me in, if you have this laundry list of why you don't want to be here?

At this point I feel like just saying, "whatever". Their problem. Their loss.

[sourpuss]

Sourpuss I can relate to how you are feeling. I've gotten a lot of it - all over the board. The, "you'd be perfect ....if", "you're wonderful...but", "you're so sweet/smart/caring/pretty....but". It's like there is always a disclaimer. Often times it's something related to them, "I don't want to be in a relationship", "I need time for..." "I'm not good enough, I know you'll leave me." The question then is, why did you draw me in, if you have this laundry list of why you don't want to be here?

At this point I feel like just saying, "whatever". Their problem. Their loss.

That's kind of where I'm at. I can do just fine when I'm single, it's when I care for someone that I want that in return. My current boyfriend, he pursued me really hard for months! Then as soon as we were an item, it was like we were just buddies again. I guess I let stuff get in my head and I dwell on it. Everything, aside from the physical attraction (which he says is there, but I would never know because he doesn't show it) is perfect. Then I get it in my head, based on his actions and the situation and it snowballs.

Sometimes I just think a good, clean break and change of scenery would do a lot of good. But maybe this same problem would follow me no matter where I went.

[GoodEgg]

I'm so on board with you about moving around. Been doing it since I left for college. Los Angeles, Stockholm, London, Seattle and Phoenix. Plus I travel for a living so I get to taste the flavors of other cities without actually committing to them. There's nothing quite as exciting as the anticipation of a new culture. If for no other reason, the chance to experience something new is a great reason to move, especially if you're the type of personality that makes friends easily.

[ocularone]

Yeah, never compliments but always comments on how I'm not attractive. Just little things, like making it known that my body isn't what they typically like. chest too small, butt too small, don't normally go for white girls, etc.

Honestly, it sounds like you have dated some serious tools. I know this has probably been said over and over again but i have noticed that for myself: i am the type of guy who falls in love with a girl and then realizes how beautiful she is. With my current girlfriend- she is 27 years old and only 4'9" tall and about 90lbs soaking wet. She has small breasts, which sometimes she can be self-conscious about. Some men may not even find her attractive (they would be INSANE but owell) at all. However to me, she is hands down the most gorgeous woman i have ever laid my eyes on. However, it isn't just her body, or her face that i base that off of. As our relationship grew more and more, i began to realize that when i look at her. Something stirs in me that i can hardly explain. It literally makes my heart start thumping really loudly. When i look at her i don't just see a beautiful woman. I see the woman whom i love. The one that makes me weak in the knees and my whole body turn to mush. That doesn't happen because of her looks. It happens because of the way she is. And all of those amazing things that make me crazy about her are in the form of this short, tiny, small chested woman... if you asked me 10 years ago what physical atributes i liked in a woman, would hers match it? Probably not..but this woman has become the most beautiful woman in the whole world. She turns me on like nothing else. And i would not change a single thing about her.

I think there is some guy out there like that for you. Who falls in love with you, ALL of you, for who you are. Over time, his eyes will see you for exactly what you are to him. The most beautiful woman in the world.

Does any of this make any sense?

[CHANDLERS WISH]

I love what you wrote ocularone.

Sourpuss you say he persued you for months and months and that chemistry is / was definately there but he doesn't show it.

A prize? He caught the prize? Never really got to see the inner you?

I know I harp on this but I believe it, in all relationships that fail and that succeed.

The difference is, that they actually had an attraction they have to, but they hung on to your words, they were interested in you, your conversations, the laughter, you, not a chemistry attraction which always I think fizzles.

Like oc said, he fell for the lady and as time has passed he is so smitten with her, she's his all, he's in love.

CW

[newhere808]

I agree, for sure. But I'd like to at least know that my boyfriend thinks I'm cute or something. I guess I just don't see the point. Why be in a relationship if you aren't attracted to someone enough to want to even touch them? Just remain friends, right?

Yea I see what your saying there, and I agree with what Ocular said, it may just be an issue of the right one not showing up yet. Maybe a change of scenery would mix things up, or just a change of pace in the guys you typically grow close to

[Goodgirl93]

Ok, this is going to sound like a weird question. I've been dating for 15 years and I was thinking back on it the last few days and I realize that I've never dated anyone that's ever been really attracted to me. I've always been skinny and plain. It never bothered me before because I've always felt like I was pretty. But now I'm in my 30s and still skinny, white and fairly plain. I've never had a boyfriend that's really attracted to ME. My chest has always been too small, my rear has always been either too small, or too big...etc. I'm white, and no one seems to be into white girls where I'm at.

Well for starters...your a beautiful woman!! Why a guy would think your not,is beyond me...or maybe there blind? Its time to start living your life,single or not.A guy will come along who is attracted to you in every way possible.A guy who wants all boobs and no brain,well he can go shove it cause a woman should not be defined by her bust size.Same with your rear.

I know for a fact that there are sexy men out there who are more ivolved than the physical attraction.I used to think that there weren't any outhere,or atleast i'de never find one...but guess what? I let it come to me,I didn't look,I just did what I wanted,lived my life single,and now I feel like I've stuck gold with my man.You have a great personality,and so much to offer in a relationship. Keep your chin up,cause soon you will find a good guy,one who loves you for who YOU are in every way.

[Mayberry]

Holy sourpuss, you are one hot woman! I wonder, though, if because you're so strong and independent, men don't "need" to treat you like a "lady." I read this book recently, it was on Oprah, called "Act Like A Lady, Think Like A Man." It mentions that men need to Protect, Provide, and Profess in a relationship. Profess means saying "this is my lady/girlfriend/fiance" when he introduces you, ie if he just says "this is Berry" and not "this is my girlfriend, berry", it's a bad sign because he's not claiming you.

But the Protect and Provide ones are things that may help you find someone that will treat you in a more ladylike way, hence they may see you more as a prize, rather than just a friend/settler. This may be difficult for men, I bet they're intimidated and don't see where they fit in with you since you're so strong, and then that leaves them without their male role. So, Provide is things like: paying for meals, driving you, choosing the restaurant (not that you have no choice, but you can say "how about asian" and then leave it up to him to find a good asian restaurant rather than "i like Bing's, let's go there"). And Protect, well, maybe you need to go to a restaurant/bar where the waiters are really rude and let your man stand up for you in that kind of way, since you can obviously don't need a man to punch someone in the face for you. (Which I am totally jelous about, I'd love to be able to throw a mean punch!)

I dunno.... this is just a thought. It sucks when people aren't so attracted to you when you are to them, and I've cried a lot of tears over the same thing over the years. I think in the past I've been far too eager for any scrap of attention, but things are a little different now because I just don't want to accept second best. Hence why I'm single, ha ha! But the right one's worth waiting for. And because I've had a habit of doing things for myself, I'm watching myself now to make sure there's room for a man to come in and Protect and Provide so that he can feel like a man and feel that he's needed, appreciated, and I think that helps in the attraction.

Mabye I'm totally wrong... but like I said, it's just a thought. Also, I'm about to fall asleep, so appologies for spelling errors and I think I've used weird words/phrases because I can't think of anything else right now.

[sourpuss]

Mayberry, I think there is a lot of truth to that for sure!