[sourpuss]

Ok, this is going to sound like a weird question. I've been dating for 15 years and I was thinking back on it the last few days and I realize that I've never dated anyone that's ever been really attracted to me. I've always been skinny and plain. It never bothered me before because I've always felt like I was pretty. But now I'm in my 30s and still skinny, white and fairly plain. I've never had a boyfriend that's really attracted to ME. My chest has always been too small, my rear has always been either too small, or too big...etc. I'm white, and no one seems to be into white girls where I'm at.

I've dated guys older than me, younger than me, my age, etc. But never have I been with someone that's excited by me like I was about them. It's always been just someone who was with me because they couldn't have what they really wanted. I dont want to be the person someone settles for.

One of my best friends had the same problem and ended up moving to latin america because the guys there really like her. Not that I need the attention or compliments but I feel like I'll never find a guy in the place that I am because I'm just not anyone's type here.

I know that it sounds like I'm complaining, but I'm really not. I'm just curious about the subject.

[Fallen1]

It's always been just someone who was with me because they couldn't have what they really wanted. I dont want to be the person someone settles for.

Please don't say that about yourself.

[sourpuss]

Please don't say that about yourself.

I know, it sounds bad. But it's true to an extent. Moreso when you get older, but there it a bit of truth to it.

[stressed]

I'm white, and no one seems to be into white girls where I'm at.

For some reason that line made me think that you hang around the 'wrong' environment. It's definitely not your looks. There are no standards when it comes to looks. It is true that many men tend to think that what they don't have is better than what they have (i.e. in North Europe men die for black haired women, but in the South they die for blondes, just because they see a certain colour more frequently than the other), but this is not a de facto situation, men can be attracted to anyone at any time, be it by looks or other characteristics.

Don't ever let yourself think you are not pretty. You are! Maybe you need to change the type of guys you date or you just haven't found the right guy yet. And don't ever settle for anything less than what you're worth.

[Guest]

I dunno. I have a thing for skinny white chicks with small chests.

Curious... How do you know this? Was this explicitly stated by said boyfriends?

How are you attracting these guys in the first place if they don't find you visually stimulating?

[newhere808]

I kind of understand what your saying about attraction differing by area, 6'2", broad shouldered and blue eyed may work in some/most places, but it doesn't seem to be the story in Hawaii. I've often laughed at how some women and men react to certain physical traits, one that i've notice is a big kicker these days is body hair on men. To many women/girls I know, it's an unattractive quality, even if it's only a little bit.

Is there something that has occured in your relationships lately that has caused you to question your appeal more? I think everyone get's such insecurities from time to time, but often they are simply self perpetuating.

[sourpuss]

I agree with what everyone is saying, and I think you're right. I just think that for the most part its A: where I live and B: the type of person I am (active, laid back, kind of tomboy) attracts a kind of guy that is lazy in relationships and ok with settling.

But I can't think of a single person I've ever dated that's been excited about me. More like they are happy with a so-so relationship because of where we're at, there isn't anything better.

Oh well. It is what it is. And either I be ok with it, or not ok with it and decide being single is better than being settled for.

[Hopeless Dork]

I'm sure all of the guys you were with were attracted to you but perhaps they were just inadequate at letting you know how they felt about you... therefore didn't make you feel as sexy and desirable or attractive as they actually really did find you.

I think its normal to want to be the apple of someones eye, especially the one you love. I don't think its them thats settling for you, I think its you settling for THEM... for guys that won't break a sweat to show they care.

You are hot and fit and there are masses of men that are much more attracted to a natural beauty than one that has to pile on the make up and french manicures and heels.

Someone as athletic as you wouldn't be expected to have a huge old set of double d's unless they were implants... you seem to have a low body fat percentage and for many men that is much more appealing than a large rack.

I've seen your pictures and I see no wallflower, I see a pretty woman that doesn't need to put on tons of lipstick or fishnets to feel like a woman... being a tomboyish girl takes confidence.. and as well all know, that is a really sexy quality in a woman.

[sourpuss]

Thank you HD.
I'm thinking that I just need to be in an environment where it's desired. Because it isn't where I live I guess.

[sourpuss]

Curious... How do you know this? Was this explicitly stated by said boyfriends?

Yeah, never compliments but always comments on how I'm not attractive. Just little things, like making it known that my body isn't what they typically like. chest too small, butt too small, don't normally go for white girls, etc. I've never dated anyone who's actually said they like my body, or face, hair, whatever. But I always seem to know what they do like, and it's not what I have, you know? I don't know if that made sense. It would be like if I was dating a short guy and I never complimented on his looks but made comments about how I liked tall guys.

How are you attracting these guys in the first place if they don't find you visually stimulating?

Shared interest in activities. I've always met people doing the things I like and we usually start out friends. Must be my winning personality that finally gets them. ugh