[classy_lady]

Never really understood this: if you do not act like a drama queen, why would a guy who seems perfectly serious and mature, says he is frank, disappear with no good explanation? Afterall, I'm not the one who goes after them and no one is pointing a gun to their head (as he himself put it)!!! Men r so frustrating I'm thinking there is just no point trying to make anything work and understanding them... Just venting I guess.

[CHANDLERS WISH]

Gutless

Can't tell you why it didn't work out, prefers to just walk and that's un-fair really because it gives you no closure

How long did you go out with him for?

CW

[classy_lady]

I didn't. We were getting to know each other online for a while now. He did tell me he was previously hurt in a long-distance relationship (which is what we would have been). But that's not my fault; he never even told me what had happened to him; I respected his privacy and did not poke at it so as to not irritate him. I thought since we had so many points in common (to the point that he jokingly thought we were related) he would open up with time. And I was so cool and non-drama about it all. I'm not the ultimatum or harassing type. So why did he say a ton of stuff which he obviously did not mean??? I didn't twist his arm here...I'm strong and can turn the page pretty quickly but it's annoying not the less!

[CHANDLERS WISH]

I've actually "met" a few people that I got to know on line, some are now friends, but you know? They are soooo different in real life, than on line One in particular had so much charisma seriously and good looking, but in real life, he has drama after drama, can't seem to hold a lady, I've tried to guide him, he changes from that persona on the Internet of "confident" to a very, very, very, in-secure man once you get to know him... so he keeps losing women.

I think that the Internet can be a very easy way to communicate and be more yourself than you are in real life. Me? I am me full stop, here and in real life but then I don't have issues/baggage...

So, I suspect, that it was something he needed, a person who he clicked with but all the time, he knew full well he had baggage and as such, had no intention of ever, getting involved, as it was long distance. Once he saw where he was heading with it ( forget you) but him personally,he chose in my opinion to withdraw so he wouldn't gain feelings and enter the same situation again and get hurt again.

It's sad, because it's about people not situations as to how things turn out in the longrun

CW

[WildChild]

I think CW is right some of us are just US no matter where and some really put up a front. I have my on days and off days here and in my "real" life. Over time some place like this forum, you do get a feel for people I think. Like when I met Cat, she is just what she seems to be here - a darling. When you have someone interacting with different people/posters, you see different sides to them, just as in daily life, we interact differently depending on who we are dealing with. But if you're more one on one, I think it's easier for them to put up a front. Contact is limited and you aren't seeing how they respond to different people and situations.

Some people are just playing and I think it's more so online because there is annonimity. Most of us here wouldn't know it if we were nose to nose with some of the people we chat with daily. Some people like to hide behind that curtain. When they sense you are genuine and looking for something real they back out.
Consider your self to have had a lucky break?

[xJanex]

Hey,, I am in the same situation me thinks.. but now i think its got too far and I just dont know how to ask him now as i think ive just taken the hint!! lol
i think some guys just find it soo much easier to walk without talking about it thinking that if they ignore the problem it will go away..

[classy_lady]

Hi all!

Thanks for your kindness and sharing. He actually did come back. We did talk things through. He is sweet and did not want either one of us to get hurt. I asked him about his past and he did let me know what happened. Trouble is he has 3 years of specialty medicine to go through and is older than me by 9 years. So the long distance relationship is not really a solution afterall. He wants to start a family now and I don't want to hold him back. (I clearly said since the beginning that I am not willing to move, but that he could do his thing, we could visit and then he could move here since he did not know where he would want to settle down.) So, I offered him my friendship; he was greatful and that's the end. Let's not be naive here: I could be completely wrong about him, but for my sake I choose to turn the page and move on. We were only at the getting to know you stage anyway, so I'm not super attached to him or anything anyways. We just had a common way of thinking about lots of things and that was nice.

And xJanex, just ask him where things are going. Either he will man up and tell you the truth (it might not be what you think it is) or he won't. But at least, you will find out either the truth or that he is not worth it (in which case, move on). Good luck!

[bluebell]

I didn't. We were getting to know each other online for a while now. He did tell me he was previously hurt in a long-distance relationship (which is what we would have been). But that's not my fault; he never even told me what had happened to him; I respected his privacy and did not poke at it so as to not irritate him. I thought since we had so many points in common (to the point that he jokingly thought we were related) he would open up with time. And I was so cool and non-drama about it all. I'm not the ultimatum or harassing type. So why did he say a ton of stuff which he obviously did not mean??? I didn't twist his arm here...I'm strong and can turn the page pretty quickly but it's annoying not the less!

Sounds Exactly like a person I used to know by name of M.B, from Calgary. Used to disappear for no apparent reason leaving me wondering what on earth was it that I did or said. After a while he'd reappear like nothing happened. Was a long distance friendship. He is still a mystery. Personally I think he may have BPD, though for his sake I hope not.

[baja]

Understanding men is probably about as challenging as a guy trying to understand women. I've found that it is impossible to understand "women" (i.e. all of them) but it is possible to understand a particular woman (e.g. maybe 60% of the time). So if this is possible, then perhaps it works for the opposite sex too.

I agree with the earlier comments, but I would also point out that any guy that can just flat-out disappear without at least extending some sort of reasonable heads-up to their significant other is not someone who will ever have her best interests in mind.

The golden rule comes to mind and usually it is best to avoid those who don't practice it.

[classy_lady]

I agree that someone who just diappears is not reliable or trustworthy. Afterall, what prevents them from doing it again down the road when/if things get more serious? Point well taken Baja. In any case, this "getting-to-know-you" is very much over. Frankly, there were other aspects with which I was not too happy, but this one got me really mad at him. Regardless of his intentions, good or bad, a relationship with him would be less than my ideal. And since I do not compromise/settle for any less than what I really want, it's all over and it is best this way.